General

amanda · amanda

Bloody hell yesterday was a struggle I did the one thing that I havn't done for a long time I felt sorry for myself and I am sorry it was unacceptable. It had been a triggering day nothing went right I fell on my ars* and as much as it is padded it hurt to make matters worse two very caring gentlemen de...

jem · jem

Thought I would put a post up as I havent been on as much this weekend. I have had a good weekend, no major mood swings, and have managed to keep focused on the positive things in my life. Went to see my dr this morning who said I am ok to go back to work next Monday. Am glad abouit that, but also a bit apprehe...

bluebell · bluebell

hi after reading the 'inner child' section, which i realise now is essential to my 'growing up', i just cannot find it in me to 'love' or even accept my inner child. i am ashamed of my child self. i think her to be weak, pathetic and stupid. i cannot recall at any time her ever being st...

jane · jane

i tried to post how i was feeling last night, but there were no words that could do it justice. so tonight i want to ask a question. i have a very difficult relationship with my mum, she is not my abuser, but in my eyes, she didnt protect me as she should, she didnt leave when she should, so i was subjected to...

numb · numb

Not sure I can write this but if I don't I know it going to drive me further down. I have just received a phone call from a friend who told me that an aunt is celebrating her 80th birthday this week. Not a big deal you might think, other than she is the one person I know is in constant contact with m...

claudine · claudine

Does anyone else still feel afraid of their abuser? I'm so paranoid that he'll find another way to hurt me. That's why I find it so difficult to post. The first couple of time I did it I almost got sick. I'm afraid he's on the site, looking at my weaknessess. He psychologically, physically and sexu...

leckie · leckie

i need your thoughts on this one some of the books i have read say that part of the healing prosses is forgiveness of your abuser also the vicar that i talk to ocationally says this but i know i will never ever forgive him for what he has done to me. do you think that this means i will never be able to just keep...

liz · liz

I'm sorry to be a pain again. Just dead low today. So close to tears and yet can't quite get there and allow myself to actually cry. Just aching with feelings of complete and utter desolation. Triggers my past all over again and I'm back to being a small child/teenager...

liz · liz

Hi there (I'm not really JUST trying to get my half centry of posts!) I don't know about all of you but I'm not very good at just having fun. I don't tend to do silly things. I find it hard to relax. not a spontaneous kind of person really. But I hope to God I'm not an...

numb · numb

I cant stop the tears this evening - difficult to hold a conversation to concentrate - just wish they were tears of healing but they are not they are tears of frustration and pain Want to write more but can't

liz · liz

Hi there again I seem to be falling apart just now. I have an emergency appointment at the optician's at noon today - Saturday. I tried putting in my contact lenses and the right one doesn't 'feel' right nor is my sight ok. Don't think it's that my cleaning isn't up to scratc...

claudine · claudine

Hey, I hope it's okay to post this. It's not a threat, I swear! But I regularly see opportunities, no matter if I'm in a good or bad mood, to 'off' myself. i don't want to upset anyone, I feel like I'm letting everybody down by saying this, but I do it all the time, every day. It scares me sometimes because I...

jane · jane

i cant put this post into words. this is my 4th attempt. will anyone get it if i just leave it like this, with no words?

rob · rob

Hi everyone

This is not really a new topic but a collection of older threads that has me troubled

I will tell you my position...I have many work colleagues, associates and distant "friends" (as most of us prob do!). I have some friends, whom I can call upon if needed, the...

spanglemaker · spanglemaker

Hello all I am new here, and after a few days of wondering what on earth I am doing I have realized that I would very much like some positive support. For so long I have been the 'strong' one, the person everyone else could be sure to turn to to get a shoulder to cry upon, etc. All this and I never asked much fo...

liz · liz

Hi Everybody Just wondered which books people have found helpful in their journeys towards healing. I go through phases when the need for literary support is paramount. I guess it's something to do with knowing I'm not alone, desperately wanting to know that what I am feeli...

segelov · segelov

Hello everyone Not sure under which heading to put this one. How many if any of you have been told that "God will make it better" or "God is aware of your suffering, you just need to believe and it will all be made better" or the classic yesterday " it is God's will". Currently getting madder and...

numb · numb

This is my second attempt at this - still not sure Please ignore if it makes not sense I am just so fed up of being in the pit - fed up of the depession/failure/panic/fear - useless springs to mind as being a good description of me at present Just wish I could turn the clock back a few year...

claudine · claudine

Hi everyone, I was wondering what everyone does when confronted with unexpected moments of rage or other triggered responses. I have a variety of means of support such as a therapist and HAVOCA when I want to discuss something. But that's a limited part of my daily experience. How doe...

amanda · amanda

Has anyone else ever suddenly doubted why they went into their chosen career. I think after all these years I done it for the wrong reasons because I havn't made the world a better place I havn't stopped abuse. It has been a barrier for me to hide behind now I need to come out and de...

ellie · ellie

Not really sure whats happened over the past week but its been really difficult. My head aches with trying to make sense of things, my neck shoulders and jaw are so stiff and painful and this feeling of a empty black pit in my chest just goes on forever. It feels as though i have a knife twisting in my...

segelov · segelov

Just reading elswhere about birthdays and special days. Suddenly realised that I do not remember celebrating birthdays before the age of 19. Is this strange? My girls are constantly chatting about what happened at which birthday. But until my grown up life started birt...

segelov · segelov

Hi Any one who might have some insight into dream meaning I would greatly appreciate an opinion. Normaly I can work out what my dream mean or allude to, but I am still most put out by a dream that I had a few nights ago. The gist of the dream was that I was in a great deal of pain, pain beyond endurance, th...

jem · jem

Sorry everyone, feeling down today. I have worked at the same hospital for nearly 20 years, and I have been off sick now for just over 5 weeks with initially insomnia, flashbacks, nightmares and depression. People at work know about my abuse, and have generally been ok with me. But at the moment...

HAVOCA · HAVOCA

If you had to design a healing journey for a generic abuse survivor. How would you go about doing it? Would it be like the 12 step programme used by AA, or based on the Greif recovery system. Can you all have ago at designing one and posting here. I know it's a lot of work - perhaps it could b...

Frog · Frog

Hi AS ever I have so much to say but don't now where to start..... It's been a rough weekend, my Dad has been in a fouwl mood and I think with me. My mum has been funny with me too all last week. I get so scared, I usally go out at the weekends on my own just to get out of the house I can't stand the constant dep...

ouchzone · ouchzone

When I was a teenager I started to think that my main abuser was getting addicted to abusing. Like gambling or something, taking increasing risks. The abuse became more extreme and started happening in front of my Dad but he was afraid to do anything about it I think. And my brother began assaulting me v...

michelle · michelle

Do you think that some of our feelings and emotions we have are normal? And they are not associated with our abuse? And we just assume they are because we do not know the difference. I have friends that have never suffered abuse and have some of the same feelings and emotions I have. Michelle

liz · liz

Hello Not sure this is the right place for saying this. If it isn't then please tell me where I should have posted it. I'm just feeling very alone and lonely tonight. end of the week, I've worked 4 days, I'm tired and low and can't find any comfort, don't know what to...

michelle · michelle

I believe we should all take responsibility for are actions aganist others. If we feel we could cause someone some kind of injury we truly need to seek help for that.That is something to take serious. I do believe we need professional help at times working through different levels of abuse. This site i...

liz · liz

Hi there I'm just struggling with grief at the moment. My mum died a long time ago in 1981 when I was in my early 20's. I missed her and yet found it difficult to grieve for her though at the time not understanding why. When I disclosed 3 1/2 years ago I felt much ambivelence a...

claudine · claudine

Ok well, we've talked alot about our 'inner child', how about the 'inner parent' (is there one?) Maybe that's an 'outy'. Anyway, I had a major 'rage' moment at work today. I havn't let that happen in a long time. (Notice how I pretend to have control?) Stupid, really. I manage a big store and one of my new c...

Sallyjack · Sallyjack

I looked at the message board and I didn't know where to post. My abuse history has all the elements listed. So here I am, generally hoping I am OK here. My problem, I am cut off from what happened to me, it does not evoke any response from me. I can condemn the abuse happening t...

michelle · michelle

I thought this was kinda strange the other day.I was at a house meeting a foster parent.I was with another older man also.And this lady just came out and said she was sexually abused as a child we were not even discussing abuse.It caught me totally off guard.Because I hear how hard it is for you all to talk...

HAVOCA · HAVOCA

What sort of therapy has everyone had? What do you recommend, and was it worth it?

segelov · segelov

Is it selfish to want time for myself to sort out my feelings from a previous life? (it was so long ago that I was that frightend hurt little child, who was not allowed to be a child, just a pawn in the lives of others) I now live another life, a life where there are others dependent on my being strong, so why...

liz · liz

Hi I am so angry! Just tell me why I can be compassionate towards other people, be there for others, care about others and yet be so judgemental and condemning towards myself. I believe in what I say to them and yet either can't say it to myself or don't very easily accept care from other pe...

feemarie · feemarie

Hi all, I havent been on here for the last week or so. Ive had a bit of a tough one and sorta went into myself a bit and couldnt face it. everything just got so much and too hard and i thought id really started to lose my mind for a bit. ive come back tho cos i know i needed to. i...

liz · liz

Hi I am currently working as a supply teaching assistant in primary schools. In work last week I was faced with a Y1 pupil (5 years old) telling me that she didn't want to go home that evening with her father because he beat her mother. A child protection issue so I told the class tea...

david · david

Hi all, I have been hiding for 42 yrs but now I am strong enough to "come out". Please help if you can - I so much want to go to the police re what happened to me. Has anyone been down this road before? After all when those things happened to me there was not such a word as paedophile. I really believe *h...

liz · liz

Hi there It's going to be a very long 3 weeks because my therapist is now away on holiday. As an adult I know he needs holidays just like the rest of us - but my last appointment with him on Friday was so difficult. Even before the session I was dreading him not being there (if that make...

leckie · leckie

hi i don't know if i am alone in this but has anyone been lying to people to stop them getting close to you and when you found some one you wanted to let in you could not be honest and tell them about the lies and has the lies you told taken over like it was real and you couldn't tell the differance between th...

jane · jane

iv just got in from an 11 hour shift at work and i feel so low. at work i was fine, professional as always, happy and fun with colleagues, they think im fine i walk away and it hits me like a very large concrete block from a great height, the loneliness, sadness and fear. then i realise how i have been infron...

Growing roots and wings · Growing roots and wings

I'd like to hear about people's experience with family estrangement - how long has it been, what has been your experience. Especially, what do you tell people on the 'outside' about your family situation. For a few years I tried skirting the issue, but that became too difficult Now I tell people t...

ratty · ratty

well another sleepless nite am back at uni next week not relly sure how gonna get bck into the swing of it all esp as at the mo by brain dont shut down in the evening when should be going to sleep but seems to take great pleasure in playing stuff over and over like its on constant repeat does any b...

ouchzone · ouchzone

One of the reasons I find it so hard to relate to others is because I do not know who I am. I don't have roots. Because we had to accept the lies to keep my Mum out of hospital. And because I didn't learn to read (because I did what I was told and never asked for anything - help in this case) and I was terrified of pe...

segelov · segelov

Hello How many of you will not allow yourself's to cry? 'Cause if you start you know that it will take a lot to stop you? Or am I the only one? Take care

jane · jane

i need to apologise before you read this any further as i feel that what i am about to say may anger some. i need to ask these questions though as i have no support from my husband who thinks it should all be gone and sorted now and i need to ask people that may know where im coming from. i feel that mayb...

ouchzone · ouchzone

Does anyone else feel scared they won't get any response? I used another site for a while then it crashed. I posted something when I was desperate (but I didn't say that naughty word - didn't even say I was feeling really rough) I was just looking for answers and didn't get a response. Wasn't sure what t...

michelle · michelle

They say people who have been abused.Tend to put abusive or controlling people in there lives.Do you think so?

Michelle

amanda · amanda

As some of you may be aware I stopped the anti depressants I felt they were not doing me any good. I had been on them years and thought they did nothing for me I was wrong I was wondering what alternatives to medications people have tried and do they think they are successful. Amanda

HAVOCA · HAVOCA

How does religion fit into your healing journey?

ouchzone · ouchzone

Does anybody else have trouble with 'points of view' I was taught to see things from the other persons point of view (by the abusive parent who I now suspect really wanted me to see hers). The pressure was so strong to do this I now find it hard to see my own point of view. I see things from a back to front vie...

michelle · michelle

I was wondering how is everybodys trust issues with people in general? Thanks: Michelle

HAVOCA · HAVOCA

the post 'to die or not to die' has been removed iaw with our rules found in the Main - General Section. To clear up any confusion here's a quick resumee. HAVOCA Message Board Rules The Cardinal Rule No suicidal posts or threats of Self Injury are allowed. We all know how difficult this healing p...

segelov · segelov

This may seem a silly question and it may be answered elsewhere, but are there any statistics or research that shows how many abuse victims are attracted to other abuse victims, or is this simply because there are far more abuse victims then society acknowledges? I am talking about all types of abuse....

michelle · michelle

When victims start dealing with abuse.Depression can become a factor. Something to consider. Michelle

amanda · amanda

I need to ask for advice but not sure how to word it correctly. For the past few days I am on a downward spiral. I am exhausted with trying to stop it. I don't like the person I am becoming I feel my past is eating me up I want to stop the hurt but it won't go away. I think its an...

ouchzone · ouchzone

When people feel safe after the abuser has died doesn't it make them feel guilt? I can't deal with feeling this way. The only way you're safe is because they are dead. Doesn't this mean I'm a very bad person?

Sallyjack · Sallyjack

I have just tried the car parking game, and I couldn't go past the practice car level. I can only imagine that it was too much like a test, and one that I could fail so easily. I didn't feel I could put myself though that. Has anyone else looked at the site, and found that because of body react...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	self pity/anger (Preview) Bloody hell yesterday was a struggle I did the one thing that I havn't done for a long time I felt sorry for myself and I am sorry it was unacceptable. It had been a triggering day nothing went right I fell on my ars* and as much as it is padded it hurt to make matters worse two very caring gentlemen de...	amanda	3	367	Oct 12, 2004 by Lark
	Ok Today (Preview) Thought I would put a post up as I havent been on as much this weekend. I have had a good weekend, no major mood swings, and have managed to keep focused on the positive things in my life. Went to see my dr this morning who said I am ok to go back to work next Monday. Am glad abouit that, but also a bit apprehe...	jem	3	244	Oct 12, 2004 by Lark
	inner child/ may trigger (Preview) hi after reading the 'inner child' section, which i realise now is essential to my 'growing up', i just cannot find it in me to 'love' or even accept my inner child. i am ashamed of my child self. i think her to be weak, pathetic and stupid. i cannot recall at any time her ever being st...	bluebell	8	409	Oct 11, 2004 by Frog
	blame (Preview) i tried to post how i was feeling last night, but there were no words that could do it justice. so tonight i want to ask a question. i have a very difficult relationship with my mum, she is not my abuser, but in my eyes, she didnt protect me as she should, she didnt leave when she should, so i was subjected to...	jane	10	343	Oct 11, 2004 by jane
	Phone call (Preview) Not sure I can write this but if I don't I know it going to drive me further down. I have just received a phone call from a friend who told me that an aunt is celebrating her 80th birthday this week. Not a big deal you might think, other than she is the one person I know is in constant contact with m...	numb	5	259	Oct 11, 2004 by jane
	Fear (Preview) Does anyone else still feel afraid of their abuser? I'm so paranoid that he'll find another way to hurt me. That's why I find it so difficult to post. The first couple of time I did it I almost got sick. I'm afraid he's on the site, looking at my weaknessess. He psychologically, physically and sexu...	claudine	20	651	Oct 10, 2004 by claudine
	hi everyone (Preview) i need your thoughts on this one some of the books i have read say that part of the healing prosses is forgiveness of your abuser also the vicar that i talk to ocationally says this but i know i will never ever forgive him for what he has done to me. do you think that this means i will never be able to just keep...	leckie	9	386	Oct 10, 2004 by leckie
	Just dead low (Preview) I'm sorry to be a pain again. Just dead low today. So close to tears and yet can't quite get there and allow myself to actually cry. Just aching with feelings of complete and utter desolation. Triggers my past all over again and I'm back to being a small child/teenager...	liz	9	383	Oct 10, 2004 by leckie
	Not very good at having fun (Preview) Hi there (I'm not really JUST trying to get my half centry of posts!) I don't know about all of you but I'm not very good at just having fun. I don't tend to do silly things. I find it hard to relax. not a spontaneous kind of person really. But I hope to God I'm not an...	liz	4	279	Oct 10, 2004 by Lark
	crying (Preview) I cant stop the tears this evening - difficult to hold a conversation to concentrate - just wish they were tears of healing but they are not they are tears of frustration and pain Want to write more but can't	numb	8	525	Oct 10, 2004 by numb
	I'm scared - just think of me at 12 noon ... (Preview) Hi there again I seem to be falling apart just now. I have an emergency appointment at the optician's at noon today - Saturday. I tried putting in my contact lenses and the right one doesn't 'feel' right nor is my sight ok. Don't think it's that my cleaning isn't up to scratc...	liz	6	292	Oct 9, 2004 by Raindancer
	Irrational ThoughtsMay Trigger (Preview) Hey, I hope it's okay to post this. It's not a threat, I swear! But I regularly see opportunities, no matter if I'm in a good or bad mood, to 'off' myself. i don't want to upset anyone, I feel like I'm letting everybody down by saying this, but I do it all the time, every day. It scares me sometimes because I...	claudine	5	293	Oct 9, 2004 by amanda
	alone and scared (Preview) i cant put this post into words. this is my 4th attempt. will anyone get it if i just leave it like this, with no words?	jane	5	351	Oct 7, 2004 by jane
	To Post...or not to Post (Preview) Hi everyone This is not really a new topic but a collection of older threads that has me troubled I will tell you my position...I have many work colleagues, associates and distant "friends" (as most of us prob do!). I have some friends, whom I can call upon if needed, the...	rob	6	264	Oct 7, 2004 by segelov
	Would welcome a hug (Preview) Hello all I am new here, and after a few days of wondering what on earth I am doing I have realized that I would very much like some positive support. For so long I have been the 'strong' one, the person everyone else could be sure to turn to to get a shoulder to cry upon, etc. All this and I never asked much fo...	spanglemaker	7	477	Oct 7, 2004 by Raindancer
	Books to help with Healing (Preview) Hi Everybody Just wondered which books people have found helpful in their journeys towards healing. I go through phases when the need for literary support is paramount. I guess it's something to do with knowing I'm not alone, desperately wanting to know that what I am feeli...	liz	8	315	Oct 7, 2004 by hazel
	Religion revisited!! :angered: (Preview) Hello everyone Not sure under which heading to put this one. How many if any of you have been told that "God will make it better" or "God is aware of your suffering, you just need to believe and it will all be made better" or the classic yesterday " it is God's will". Currently getting madder and...	segelov	8	320	Oct 7, 2004 by michelle
	Not sure - lonely (Preview) This is my second attempt at this - still not sure Please ignore if it makes not sense I am just so fed up of being in the pit - fed up of the depession/failure/panic/fear - useless springs to mind as being a good description of me at present Just wish I could turn the clock back a few year...	numb	4	346	Oct 6, 2004 by Raindancer
	Coping Methods (Preview) Hi everyone, I was wondering what everyone does when confronted with unexpected moments of rage or other triggered responses. I have a variety of means of support such as a therapist and HAVOCA when I want to discuss something. But that's a limited part of my daily experience. How doe...	claudine	20	593	Oct 6, 2004 by leckie
	employment (Preview) Has anyone else ever suddenly doubted why they went into their chosen career. I think after all these years I done it for the wrong reasons because I havn't made the world a better place I havn't stopped abuse. It has been a barrier for me to hide behind now I need to come out and de...	amanda	13	441	Oct 6, 2004 by amanda
	bad week (Preview) Not really sure whats happened over the past week but its been really difficult. My head aches with trying to make sense of things, my neck shoulders and jaw are so stiff and painful and this feeling of a empty black pit in my chest just goes on forever. It feels as though i have a knife twisting in my...	ellie	4	264	Oct 6, 2004 by claudine
	Lack of memories (Preview) Just reading elswhere about birthdays and special days. Suddenly realised that I do not remember celebrating birthdays before the age of 19. Is this strange? My girls are constantly chatting about what happened at which birthday. But until my grown up life started birt...	segelov	3	262	Oct 5, 2004 by segelov
	Dreams - A request for insight maybe (Preview) Hi Any one who might have some insight into dream meaning I would greatly appreciate an opinion. Normaly I can work out what my dream mean or allude to, but I am still most put out by a dream that I had a few nights ago. The gist of the dream was that I was in a great deal of pain, pain beyond endurance, th...	segelov	3	296	Oct 5, 2004 by segelov
	Feeling Sad and Worthless (Preview) Sorry everyone, feeling down today. I have worked at the same hospital for nearly 20 years, and I have been off sick now for just over 5 weeks with initially insomnia, flashbacks, nightmares and depression. People at work know about my abuse, and have generally been ok with me. But at the moment...	jem	5	280	Oct 5, 2004 by liz
	Healing Journey (Preview) If you had to design a healing journey for a generic abuse survivor. How would you go about doing it? Would it be like the 12 step programme used by AA, or based on the Greif recovery system. Can you all have ago at designing one and posting here. I know it's a lot of work - perhaps it could b...	HAVOCA	2	300	Oct 5, 2004 by Raindancer
	I am Lost! (Could Trigger) (Preview) Hi AS ever I have so much to say but don't now where to start..... It's been a rough weekend, my Dad has been in a fouwl mood and I think with me. My mum has been funny with me too all last week. I get so scared, I usally go out at the weekends on my own just to get out of the house I can't stand the constant dep...	Frog	7	333	Oct 5, 2004 by Raindancer
	Is abusing addictive? (Preview) When I was a teenager I started to think that my main abuser was getting addicted to abusing. Like gambling or something, taking increasing risks. The abuse became more extreme and started happening in front of my Dad but he was afraid to do anything about it I think. And my brother began assaulting me v...	ouchzone	1	242	Oct 5, 2004 by jem
	JUST BEING NORMAL (Preview) Do you think that some of our feelings and emotions we have are normal? And they are not associated with our abuse? And we just assume they are because we do not know the difference. I have friends that have never suffered abuse and have some of the same feelings and emotions I have. Michelle	michelle	6	290	Oct 5, 2004 by jem
	I'm lonely and alone ..... (Preview) Hello Not sure this is the right place for saying this. If it isn't then please tell me where I should have posted it. I'm just feeling very alone and lonely tonight. end of the week, I've worked 4 days, I'm tired and low and can't find any comfort, don't know what to...	liz	9	326	Oct 4, 2004 by spunk
	RESPONSIBILITY (Preview) I believe we should all take responsibility for are actions aganist others. If we feel we could cause someone some kind of injury we truly need to seek help for that.That is something to take serious. I do believe we need professional help at times working through different levels of abuse. This site i...	michelle	8	315	Oct 4, 2004 by amanda
	Bereavement and loss (Preview) Hi there I'm just struggling with grief at the moment. My mum died a long time ago in 1981 when I was in my early 20's. I missed her and yet found it difficult to grieve for her though at the time not understanding why. When I disclosed 3 1/2 years ago I felt much ambivelence a...	liz	1	301	Oct 4, 2004 by ouchzone
	Inner Parent (Preview) Ok well, we've talked alot about our 'inner child', how about the 'inner parent' (is there one?) Maybe that's an 'outy'. Anyway, I had a major 'rage' moment at work today. I havn't let that happen in a long time. (Notice how I pretend to have control?) Stupid, really. I manage a big store and one of my new c...	claudine	21	691	Oct 4, 2004 by ouchzone
	Where should I go? (Preview) I looked at the message board and I didn't know where to post. My abuse history has all the elements listed. So here I am, generally hoping I am OK here. My problem, I am cut off from what happened to me, it does not evoke any response from me. I can condemn the abuse happening t...	Sallyjack	4	280	Oct 3, 2004 by Sallyjack
	CONFUSED (Preview) I thought this was kinda strange the other day.I was at a house meeting a foster parent.I was with another older man also.And this lady just came out and said she was sexually abused as a child we were not even discussing abuse.It caught me totally off guard.Because I hear how hard it is for you all to talk...	michelle	5	611	Oct 3, 2004 by michelle
	Therapy (Preview) What sort of therapy has everyone had? What do you recommend, and was it worth it?	HAVOCA	13	707	Oct 2, 2004 by spanglemaker
	Selfishness (may trigger) (Preview) Is it selfish to want time for myself to sort out my feelings from a previous life? (it was so long ago that I was that frightend hurt little child, who was not allowed to be a child, just a pawn in the lives of others) I now live another life, a life where there are others dependent on my being strong, so why...	segelov	2	260	Oct 2, 2004 by amanda
	I hate me and just feel so angry (Preview) Hi I am so angry! Just tell me why I can be compassionate towards other people, be there for others, care about others and yet be so judgemental and condemning towards myself. I believe in what I say to them and yet either can't say it to myself or don't very easily accept care from other pe...	liz	5	426	Sep 30, 2004 by claudine
	feeling strange! (Preview) Hi all, I havent been on here for the last week or so. Ive had a bit of a tough one and sorta went into myself a bit and couldnt face it. everything just got so much and too hard and i thought id really started to lose my mind for a bit. ive come back tho cos i know i needed to. i...	feemarie	5	313	Sep 30, 2004 by hazel
	Disclosure by children in schools (Preview) Hi I am currently working as a supply teaching assistant in primary schools. In work last week I was faced with a Y1 pupil (5 years old) telling me that she didn't want to go home that evening with her father because he beat her mother. A child protection issue so I told the class tea...	liz	4	336	Sep 28, 2004 by HAVOCA
	I have been hiding 4 42 yrs (Preview) Hi all, I have been hiding for 42 yrs but now I am strong enough to "come out". Please help if you can - I so much want to go to the police re what happened to me. Has anyone been down this road before? After all when those things happened to me there was not such a word as paedophile. I really believe *h...	david	7	329	Sep 28, 2004 by CHEEKY DRAGON
	Therapist away on holiday (Preview) Hi there It's going to be a very long 3 weeks because my therapist is now away on holiday. As an adult I know he needs holidays just like the rest of us - but my last appointment with him on Friday was so difficult. Even before the session I was dreading him not being there (if that make...	liz	7	263	Sep 28, 2004 by michelle
	lying to stop people getting close to you (Preview) hi i don't know if i am alone in this but has anyone been lying to people to stop them getting close to you and when you found some one you wanted to let in you could not be honest and tell them about the lies and has the lies you told taken over like it was real and you couldn't tell the differance between th...	leckie	8	414	Sep 27, 2004 by leckie
	how many masks (Preview) iv just got in from an 11 hour shift at work and i feel so low. at work i was fine, professional as always, happy and fun with colleagues, they think im fine i walk away and it hits me like a very large concrete block from a great height, the loneliness, sadness and fear. then i realise how i have been infron...	jane	11	343	Sep 26, 2004 by jane
	Family estrangement (Preview) I'd like to hear about people's experience with family estrangement - how long has it been, what has been your experience. Especially, what do you tell people on the 'outside' about your family situation. For a few years I tried skirting the issue, but that became too difficult Now I tell people t...	Growing roots and wings	5	1025	Sep 26, 2004 by Leila
	cant sleep (Preview) well another sleepless nite am back at uni next week not relly sure how gonna get bck into the swing of it all esp as at the mo by brain dont shut down in the evening when should be going to sleep but seems to take great pleasure in playing stuff over and over like its on constant repeat does any b...	ratty	4	320	Sep 26, 2004 by jane
	Who am I? (Preview) One of the reasons I find it so hard to relate to others is because I do not know who I am. I don't have roots. Because we had to accept the lies to keep my Mum out of hospital. And because I didn't learn to read (because I did what I was told and never asked for anything - help in this case) and I was terrified of pe...	ouchzone	6	330	Sep 26, 2004 by Growing roots and wings
	CRYING (Preview) Hello How many of you will not allow yourself's to cry? 'Cause if you start you know that it will take a lot to stop you? Or am I the only one? Take care	segelov	8	373	Sep 25, 2004 by liz
	start (read with care i may anger you) (Preview) i need to apologise before you read this any further as i feel that what i am about to say may anger some. i need to ask these questions though as i have no support from my husband who thinks it should all be gone and sorted now and i need to ask people that may know where im coming from. i feel that mayb...	jane	13	431	Sep 25, 2004 by jane
	Scared (Preview) Does anyone else feel scared they won't get any response? I used another site for a while then it crashed. I posted something when I was desperate (but I didn't say that naughty word - didn't even say I was feeling really rough) I was just looking for answers and didn't get a response. Wasn't sure what t...	ouchzone	5	277	Sep 24, 2004 by ouchzone
	ATTRACTION TO ABUSIVE PEOPLE (Preview) They say people who have been abused.Tend to put abusive or controlling people in there lives.Do you think so? Michelle	michelle	2	295	Sep 23, 2004 by LittleDragon
	what are the alternatives (Preview) As some of you may be aware I stopped the anti depressants I felt they were not doing me any good. I had been on them years and thought they did nothing for me I was wrong I was wondering what alternatives to medications people have tried and do they think they are successful. Amanda	amanda	5	292	Sep 23, 2004 by jem
	Religion (Preview) How does religion fit into your healing journey?	HAVOCA	10	466	Sep 22, 2004 by ouchzone
	Points of view (Preview) Does anybody else have trouble with 'points of view' I was taught to see things from the other persons point of view (by the abusive parent who I now suspect really wanted me to see hers). The pressure was so strong to do this I now find it hard to see my own point of view. I see things from a back to front vie...	ouchzone	4	282	Sep 22, 2004 by ouchzone
	TRUST ISSUES (Preview) I was wondering how is everybodys trust issues with people in general? Thanks: Michelle	michelle	10	419	Sep 22, 2004 by leckie
	Suicide Threats (Preview) the post 'to die or not to die' has been removed iaw with our rules found in the Main - General Section. To clear up any confusion here's a quick resumee. HAVOCA Message Board Rules The Cardinal Rule No suicidal posts or threats of Self Injury are allowed. We all know how difficult this healing p...	HAVOCA	10	436	Sep 22, 2004 by jane
	A question (Preview) This may seem a silly question and it may be answered elsewhere, but are there any statistics or research that shows how many abuse victims are attracted to other abuse victims, or is this simply because there are far more abuse victims then society acknowledges? I am talking about all types of abuse....	segelov	2	236	Sep 21, 2004 by michelle
	DEPRESSION (Preview) When victims start dealing with abuse.Depression can become a factor. Something to consider. Michelle	michelle	5	328	Sep 21, 2004 by amanda
	downhill slide (Preview) I need to ask for advice but not sure how to word it correctly. For the past few days I am on a downward spiral. I am exhausted with trying to stop it. I don't like the person I am becoming I feel my past is eating me up I want to stop the hurt but it won't go away. I think its an...	amanda	9	339	Sep 21, 2004 by amanda
	guilt (Preview) When people feel safe after the abuser has died doesn't it make them feel guilt? I can't deal with feeling this way. The only way you're safe is because they are dead. Doesn't this mean I'm a very bad person?	ouchzone	8	394	Sep 21, 2004 by HAVOCA
	The car parking game (Preview) I have just tried the car parking game, and I couldn't go past the practice car level. I can only imagine that it was too much like a test, and one that I could fail so easily. I didn't feel I could put myself though that. Has anyone else looked at the site, and found that because of body react...	Sallyjack	1	245	Sep 21, 2004 by HAVOCA
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