bad week

ellie · Senior Member

bad week

leckie · Senior Member

hi elle

you don't have to feel bad ok i know just how you are feeling i know it is so hard to go through but it doese eas honestly sorry i cant say it will go completly yet but in time we all hope it will i used to feel the way you do at work as well and i could hear people talking about me untill one day it got to much they were in the staff room and talking and i heard what was being said so i faced up to them not to be cruel but to try and help them understand i just walked in and told them all that i have a personal problem that i am getting help with and hearing you all talking about me is making me worse and not want to come to work so i am sorry if you think i am a burden but i am doing thebest i can just now and i hope that non of you have to deal with my problem. and that stoped them talking they were a bit more understanding when i was not myself. but the feelings you have will fade hopefully soon

take care and lookafter yourself

john

claudine · Moderator

Hi ellie,

Please, don't feel bad about posting, you have enough on your mind! Something must have triggered you. It could be as subtle as a damn breeze, but that's all it takes sometimes. There are so many times I feel the same way. Sometimes, I have to write in my jounal (I started one 2 weeks ago) or talk, or post just to get my brain going onto the trigger-trail (I hunt those little buggers down, kick the c**p out of them and wait for the next one-and watch Rambo in between) sorry, just trying for a smile.

It sounds like you're trying really hard to hold it in. That hurt's alot. Go on, yell all you want, we can take it

c

ellie · Senior Member

John and Claudine,

thank you so much for your replies, it really does help that people are there and accept how i feel. I know this dreadful feeling will pass but it just keeps coming back, it made me feel so much better that you were both there for me when i felt so bad. Im not sure what to do about work situation, dont want anybody to know.

claudine, you did make me smile and i think you are right i am holding it in but just dont know how to let go and what will happen if i do? i will lose control, i seriously think i will lose my mind it i give in. I nearly let go the other night with my husband, i told him about some recent memories. I started to cry but stopped because i didnt think he could take it, just ended up pushing all the hurt back down and worrying about other people.

Really though you both made me feel a little brighter, thank you

take care both

ellie

claudine · Moderator

el,

you sound just like me. I couldn't talk about anything. I couldn't cry. I was also afraid of what would happen if I let go. I still havn't been able to have a real crying jag, but constantly writing has helped me alleviate some of that pressure. I was so good at repressing my feelings that after I fell down a flight of outdoor, cement stairs and broke my ankle, I still couldn't cry. My boyfriend at the time yelled at me, 'cry already!' (sorry, that wasn't going to do it either.) But the really shocking thing was one day, I met a new neighbor who told me a story about her cat's brush with death when falling out of an apartment building window, and all of a sudden tears were streaming down my face! She looked at me like I was nuts

I guess my point is, you have to release it somehow. Otherwise, you'll end up crying while reading the ingredients off a package at the market. Do yourself a favor though, don't watch a sad movie or read a sad book. That doesn't work the same.

take care,

c