General

HAVOCA · HAVOCA

Great news - Josh has designed and helped us build a much better forum. It is now open and we actively encourage you all to join by following the link below and registering. This forum will remain open forever as reference, and you can easily cut and paste any messages you would like to...

SadAdult · SadAdult

Hello Everyone, I came upon this board by chance and wanted to share my story and ask for some advice. After ready some of the stories here, I'm thinking in my head, My God, I never realized how many people are abused and how many people are suffering more then I am and I'm so sorry for that. I feel like m...

Lark · Lark

I keep getting told by counsellors and well-wishers that I'm lucky because I was never abused by my immediate family so I always had a safe haven. That's true I dont deny it but it brings a whole host of other problems- I just cant participate in the wider community. There were so many different ab...

Amethyst · Amethyst

Hello to all of you here :).Firstly i would like to say that is really does hurt me to see so many hurt people out there.As to me when i was going through my abuse i felt as thought it was just the thing that i was going through.I am at this time very down again and find it so hard to talk about what happened to mys...

liz · liz

Hi there People Probably an odd request here but I'm going to miss this place and all of you wonderful people. Going on holiday for a week - my son's half term - off to North Yorkshire and the coast. I don't know how it will be - though as a family we need to have this time just now. Hav...

claudine · claudine

Hey all, Lately I feel like confronting my abuser. At odd moments I find myself having an internal confrontation with him. But it's provocative. I want to prove to others that he's the same now, as he was then. I want to poke the hornets nest and say "see!". I don't really think this is a good idea but at t...

segelov · segelov

This is my farewell to you all – need to move on and concentrate on something else. Sorry but I will delete the one posting of mine that does not even figure in my journals – it will be a while before that is acknowledged to any one else. (It however appears that it is the only posting tha...

jem · jem

Well Its done! First of all thank you to all you lovely people for replying to my post, and if you couldn't, hey what the heck, there are some posts I feel I cant reply to. Well got to the hospital, and was terrified, I was shaking from head to foot. I walked on the delivery suite, and got a nice welcome ba...

segelov · segelov

Hello If you are a parent and love your children you know what love is. Some parents love their children unconditionally, some parents love their children but place conditions on that love, and some people do not love their children. If you love your children you know what love is, if you want...

liz · liz

Why when I most need people around me do I push them away? Most of the time I'm not even aware I'm doing it? I let people get a little closer and then just push them away. I don't need anyone else judging me because I do a pretty damned good job all by myself. ...

Lark · Lark

Hi all Does anybody else feel like they've two heads? I dont know which one is me. A lot of the time now I'll feel good about myself and feel like I'm progressing but now and again it's like a shadow falls across me and I'll feel like I did growing up. Like I'm nothing. I dont mean the kind of angsty melodr...

jem · jem

Sorry for posting this but I need some encouragement. Yesterday, Monday, I was driving into town and as I was turning a corner, I saw my abusers best friend and his wife walking along the street. That really freaked me out, but then as I continued down the street in my car I pulled up at some traffic ligh...

liz · liz

Hi there people I've just taken the dog for a very wet walk in the woods. She didn't enjoy it that much and neither did I. Needs must and all that. Have a dog and there are responsibilities attached to the end of the lead - I know all that. She didn't...

segelov · segelov

Hello Two questions as a result of reading loneleyboy's postings. How many of us have told our partners (if you have one) about our abuse? How many of us having told our partners about our past have told them about this website? I will admit that my partner probably knows more abo...

segelov · segelov

Hello! This evening I am scared - I do not know of what or why, same feelings last night, had to keep getting up and checking the doors and windows - kept hearing things. We got back from the hospital this evening earlier then usual, I then dropped my daughter off at a friends (this is good becasue...

numb · numb

Just want to say a very big thank you to everyone here (((((((((((((all at Havoca)))))))))) you are a wonderful group of people but I know I will never do anything but sit on outside and I feel I need to delete my profile and hopefully when things are different I will be able to post using my own name.&nb...

liz · liz

Hi there people I know I don't have to apologise so this time I won't! Just that you've heard this all before and I don't want to sound like a stuck record (remember them!). I just feel kind of low, lonely, alone. Yesterdays trauma is still reverberating around my...

liz · liz

Hi people I went out this morning having left the iron switched on. I'd just completely forgotten about it. Got distracted by something and just walked away. That is frightening and am just glad my husband wasn't around! Or I put my car/house keys down and have&nb...

jane · jane

deleted -- Edited by jane at 21:39, 2004-10-18

ouchzone · ouchzone

Thanks all those who offered me support. That conflict stuff really got to me. Capitals. Blaming. I thought I'd found a safe place. Then it wasn't. Bad flashbacks. Afraid I'll trigger others. Afraid others won't handle my darkest stuff. Don't know how to do it. Still need to. Too painful. Alone....

Frog · Frog

Hi All, This is really hard to admit and I am being serious on this one, I think I have a shopping addiction! Few! Said it. Everytime I go out I buy something, not cheap stuff either, I have loads of shoes and cloths and then end up throughing them away becuase I don't like them anymore. I lo...

segelov · segelov

To every one I would like to apologies to any one to whom I have not spoken to directly – I wish that I had the time to talk to each and everyone of you – I care so much about how you all are. Take lots and lots of care every single one of you, you all deserve healing and comfort and...

ouchzone · ouchzone

- 5 Couldn't live without them but extended periods of being punished by solitary confinement and being ignored. 5 & 6 Had to live without them. Abandoned. No substitute. Emotional withdrawl symptoms 7 Hugs again wonderful. 8 Sexual abuse Wouldn't let anyone within arm's reach 9 Let...

Frog · Frog

HI all, Part 2 of my first post, I am confussed again Today I am ok mum and dad are know ok, and I find it hard to beleive they could have abused me now! But I know when there horriable, I become a shiverring reck again, it's so odd and I don't understand. ant thoughts or comments welcome, good or bad -...

keri_ann · keri_ann

I was physically abused. I feel that there is nothing more i can do and i feel stupid because i continue to do things to set him off when i was younger and i cant deal with the feelings of guilt and pain i have. i cant talk to anyone.... i dont know what else to say

segelov · segelov

Hello I would like to say in this posting is that if you ever feel that you should not be posting on this site, it probably means you really ought. As several people have said to me, when I started thinking that I am too needy that this is the place to be. You do not know how much you ar...

liz · liz

Hi there Everyone In reply to another posting elsewhere I thought this might be a good question. We talk about healing and yet I wonder what we all mean by it. Obviously it's going to mean different things for us all. I don't think it's an end produ...

Frog · Frog

Hi I feel wired right know the more I write here the more I feel that for some odd reason I don't know this is gonna sound crazy and please I not looking for poeple to say otherwise just does anybody else feel this way. I feel as though no one likes me, it's always been a fear of mine I don't make friends eas...

amanda · amanda

I have done so well over these past weeks then today I let not only me but everyone down. I had a hospital appoinment re on going womens problems my GP had briefly said in his letter that there were some problems relating to my past. I lost it big time I was asked to undress and get on...

jane · jane

things are spiralling downwards for me at the moment and i am getting very scared that i havent got the strength to keep it together. i need to do just that, i have two adorable children and a responsible job that i love. tuesday morning, after a very bad session with my counsellor that frightened me. i...

liz · liz

Hi I feel kind of flat this evening. Can't quite put my finger on it. Can't quite find any comfort either. And i'm not sure that this posting is going to make alot of sense either. It's just that I'm wondering whether this forum is kind of transitory for us all. ...

ratty · ratty

hi guys not been on in a while lots of stuff to deal with mainly my G/F sleeping with some one else as she couldnt handle 'my issues'!!!!!! when does this **** leave ya alone and let u get on with ya life she said i pushed her away and didnt let her in which i did do but its so hard to trust people wish i could let pe...

claudine · claudine

Why does an extremely abusive parent act like they care about things like a grade on a report card? When they don't care if you're clothes fit, or you have enough food? I understand that the motivations are not usually something you can see, but this contradiction seems to repeat itself. c

Frog · Frog

Hey Guys, I really feel as though I am breking the rules here, as this would usally go on the goss section, but wanted to just make you all laff and when I am in need of help I never think of looking around just sit waiting for replies. I have as from today a new winter Wardrobe. I have a fav purple jacket...

leckie · leckie

i am so so sorry feel like am lettin you all down but dont think i can take much more of this ti am trying so hard to cope with all this s**t but it is getting on top of me now my head just wants to blow up been like this for the past few weaks hopeing it would just settle down again but it hasnt its just getting to muc...

Frog · Frog

Hi All, Me again, I find it hard to admit that I need help! there I said it. And I do right now. I am so scared to write see incase anyone ever reads it who knows me, if someone found out that I am Frog and that I am am who I am if that makes sense. I am scared of my mum and dad, always have been, I am so s...

segelov · segelov

Hi Every One Despite all that has happened to me I am an extremely lucky person, after three attempts I found my soul mate. I am fortunate to have two beautiful daughters and two lovely grandchildren. I after many years of being a “gypsy” now am settled in my lovely little hom...

numb · numb

Well the calls have started to come through from family members on behalf of her. Just as I thought she has them all singing and dancing for her. I feel so so sick just put phone down on someone who doesn't deserve to be involved in this mess. I am scared that sometime soon she will...

amanda · amanda

Right its the weekend and I always seem to downward spiral without the structure that work offers I cannot understand why colleagues are eager for Fridays but I have decided this weekend is going to be different I am not going to let it happen but may need help amanda

hazel · hazel

so last week a ew housemate moved in (i live in a student house) who im not sure i like. i live with 3 lads, one of them's my boyfriend and it's pretty tough sometimes. my grandad died, he didn't abuse me and was a good man so im gutted. on the same day i found out i had an argument with my boyfriend and he said i...

segelov · segelov

Goodmorning It is Saturday morning, our anniversary. I have not heard from my beloved since Thursday! No emails, his phone is not connecting (quite usual for these far flung places but still I worry). I have a tendency to visualise in my head all those dreadful scenarios - he does not u...

numb · numb

Not sure how I feel, probably numb sums up alot of whats going on. Tonight I know that my sis*** is enjoying all the glory at a family party. Engaging all her relatives tht she has not seen for many years getting them all seeing this wonderful caring person who lives such a wonderful life on t...

ellie · ellie

bad, bad feelings lots of guilt and shame, seems to be buring a hole through the middle of me. he liked my hair, really liked it. he combed it and i let him. My brother was excluded i was his favourite and i sat there and let him comb it. i let him do what he wanted. second feeling today o...

ouchzone · ouchzone

' ' ouch

liz · liz

I've just come back from further visit to opticians. Feel re-traumatized and messed around with. Still shaking, feel in shock. Close to tears - (&I don't do tears) Went back today to collect new contact lenses and whilst there he put in eye drops to dil...

segelov · segelov

Hi! In between feeling sorry for myself and life I do silly excercises like making lists. Two in particular, one marked losses and one marked gains, or more to the point one marked "What I mourn for" and one marked "what makes me joyful" My aim when I am feeling positive is to have more ite...

liz · liz

Hi there I don't know about you all but I'm beginning to find this forum a wee bit addictive and I can't decide whether that's good or bad or neither. I remember Claudine making a similar comment elsewhere - but can't for the life of me think which section she posted in - sorry!. &nb...

numb · numb

I just wrote this post then deleted it then realised I was doing just what I am trying not to. I am trying so hard not to isolate myself after hearing the news that my sis*** is in the country. All I want to do is disappear, hide away from everyone and isolate myself completely. Bu...

Sue · Sue

I am sure we all feels it somehow. It is gray and we feel blue. Here in Vienna- Austria if you say I feel blue means drunk. Funny huh. Hard to go for a walk because I am down with Flu and the cold air hurts my face. I can not see or hear orange juice anymore. I think we all feeling not very well out of t...

Lark · Lark

There's this bus driver who always says hello to me but a few weeks ago he introduced himself and asked me my name and I lost it! I looked fine outwardly and said my name and managed to squeak 'Pleased to meet you' and sit down but my body just went bananas. I couldnt feel my fingers and my feet, hands and li...

amanda · amanda

Hi all I have one of my questions has anyone ever done life story work as an adult before. I had therapy today and although I came away exhausted as usual I felt for once I was more open. Possibly due to the support I have had here which has lessoned my anger My Therapist talked about life story...

numb · numb

I feel bad that you all offered your support when I asked for it and then I couldn't make the call. Well I just did.

segelov · segelov

What sort of responsibility do we have towards others in our quest for the truth about our abuse? If we know that we will hurt innocent bystanders should we tell? I feel that yes we must tell becasue abusers go on to hurt some other bystanders. I do not believe that most abusers ever s...

liz · liz

Not sure where I should be posting this - on the surface it doesn't relate to abuse. Just need to get this out of my system. I am just so livid. Spent the last hour or so writing a letter to a friend using Microsoft Word on the frigging computer. Come to print it an...

Growing roots and wings · Growing roots and wings

Today's not exactly a banner day. My cat (who I would have had exactly 19 years in two weeks) suddenly got very sick last week. Turns out she had a tumour, plus advanced kidney failure. My husband and I had to put her down on Friday. Today my husband had to fly out of the country on business, so I'm alone at ho...

numb · numb

I posted a couple of days ago about a phone call I had received. Well I am going to do something I am not very comfortable with yet but ask you all to support me over next few hours. I have to make a couple of phonecalls this evening to establish whether my sis*** is in this country. Not fe...

liz · liz

Hi there I have a 12 year old son who's a Scout. He loves going to scout meetings and on camps etc. All the Scout leaders are male and though I know they will have undergone police checks, and they're nice guys I also feel so very wary. It's all about trust and I find it really...

jane · jane

i went to councelling this morning. wasnt feeling particularly good anyway, fed up of it all. it was going ok, talking about the here and now, problems with my mum etc. she then asked me a simple enough question regarding him. what happened next was terrifying. my brain froze, refused to go to that...

jane · jane

a question i keep asking myself, i would love to hear your thoughts on it. the people we have become and who we are, thought processes and personality/s, are they predetermined or are we a product of our childhood? do the people that abused us have a say in who we have become, b...

claudine · claudine

Anybody hear of those? I started having them early teen years. I would wake up in a state of complete terror, frozen. I'd try to continue to breath like I was sleeping, I think I saw a movie where someone said that's how they could tell someone was feining sleep. I was sure someone was in the room and I didn'...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	STICKY: ALL TO READ - New Forums (Preview) Great news - Josh has designed and helped us build a much better forum. It is now open and we actively encourage you all to join by following the link below and registering. This forum will remain open forever as reference, and you can easily cut and paste any messages you would like to...	HAVOCA	0	790	Oct 23, 2004 by HAVOCA
	New Here~ (Preview) Hello Everyone, I came upon this board by chance and wanted to share my story and ask for some advice. After ready some of the stories here, I'm thinking in my head, My God, I never realized how many people are abused and how many people are suffering more then I am and I'm so sorry for that. I feel like m...	SadAdult	3	1353	Oct 25, 2004 by SadAdult
	What it's done to me and what I will do (Preview) I keep getting told by counsellors and well-wishers that I'm lucky because I was never abused by my immediate family so I always had a safe haven. That's true I dont deny it but it brings a whole host of other problems- I just cant participate in the wider community. There were so many different ab...	Lark	6	967	Oct 24, 2004 by Lark
	Sexual Abuse (Preview) Hello to all of you here :).Firstly i would like to say that is really does hurt me to see so many hurt people out there.As to me when i was going through my abuse i felt as thought it was just the thing that i was going through.I am at this time very down again and find it so hard to talk about what happened to mys...	Amethyst	3	863	Oct 24, 2004 by Lark
	Please will you hold me in your thoughts next week (Preview) Hi there People Probably an odd request here but I'm going to miss this place and all of you wonderful people. Going on holiday for a week - my son's half term - off to North Yorkshire and the coast. I don't know how it will be - though as a family we need to have this time just now. Hav...	liz	8	1706	Oct 22, 2004 by liz
	Confrontation (Preview) Hey all, Lately I feel like confronting my abuser. At odd moments I find myself having an internal confrontation with him. But it's provocative. I want to prove to others that he's the same now, as he was then. I want to poke the hornets nest and say "see!". I don't really think this is a good idea but at t...	claudine	12	2008	Oct 22, 2004 by leckie
	Farewell (Preview) This is my farewell to you all – need to move on and concentrate on something else. Sorry but I will delete the one posting of mine that does not even figure in my journals – it will be a while before that is acknowledged to any one else. (It however appears that it is the only posting tha...	segelov	6	1148	Oct 22, 2004 by amanda
	First Day Back (Preview) Well Its done! First of all thank you to all you lovely people for replying to my post, and if you couldn't, hey what the heck, there are some posts I feel I cant reply to. Well got to the hospital, and was terrified, I was shaking from head to foot. I walked on the delivery suite, and got a nice welcome ba...	jem	7	1001	Oct 21, 2004 by amanda
	An Observation on Love (Preview) Hello If you are a parent and love your children you know what love is. Some parents love their children unconditionally, some parents love their children but place conditions on that love, and some people do not love their children. If you love your children you know what love is, if you want...	segelov	1	827	Oct 21, 2004 by rob
	Pushing people Away (Preview) Why when I most need people around me do I push them away? Most of the time I'm not even aware I'm doing it? I let people get a little closer and then just push them away. I don't need anyone else judging me because I do a pretty damned good job all by myself. ...	liz	7	1139	Oct 21, 2004 by ouchzone
	Jekyll and Hyde (might trigger) (Preview) Hi all Does anybody else feel like they've two heads? I dont know which one is me. A lot of the time now I'll feel good about myself and feel like I'm progressing but now and again it's like a shadow falls across me and I'll feel like I did growing up. Like I'm nothing. I dont mean the kind of angsty melodr...	Lark	7	904	Oct 21, 2004 by Lark
	Please Help (Preview) Sorry for posting this but I need some encouragement. Yesterday, Monday, I was driving into town and as I was turning a corner, I saw my abusers best friend and his wife walking along the street. That really freaked me out, but then as I continued down the street in my car I pulled up at some traffic ligh...	jem	10	1093	Oct 20, 2004 by spunk
	Stop the world..... (Preview) Hi there people I've just taken the dog for a very wet walk in the woods. She didn't enjoy it that much and neither did I. Needs must and all that. Have a dog and there are responsibilities attached to the end of the lead - I know all that. She didn't...	liz	3	764	Oct 20, 2004 by liz
	POLL: Does your partner know? (Preview) Hello Two questions as a result of reading loneleyboy's postings. How many of us have told our partners (if you have one) about our abuse? How many of us having told our partners about our past have told them about this website? I will admit that my partner probably knows more abo...	segelov	17	2152	Oct 20, 2004 by rob
	So Afraid (Preview) Hello! This evening I am scared - I do not know of what or why, same feelings last night, had to keep getting up and checking the doors and windows - kept hearing things. We got back from the hospital this evening earlier then usual, I then dropped my daughter off at a friends (this is good becasue...	segelov	3	835	Oct 20, 2004 by Lark
	Thank you and good bye (Preview) Just want to say a very big thank you to everyone here (((((((((((((all at Havoca)))))))))) you are a wonderful group of people but I know I will never do anything but sit on outside and I feel I need to delete my profile and hopefully when things are different I will be able to post using my own name.&nb...	numb	8	799	Oct 19, 2004 by Lark
	I'm sorry - you've heard this all before but (Preview) Hi there people I know I don't have to apologise so this time I won't! Just that you've heard this all before and I don't want to sound like a stuck record (remember them!). I just feel kind of low, lonely, alone. Yesterdays trauma is still reverberating around my...	liz	12	1253	Oct 19, 2004 by ouchzone
	I keep forgetting things - do you too? (Preview) Hi people I went out this morning having left the iron switched on. I'd just completely forgotten about it. Got distracted by something and just walked away. That is frightening and am just glad my husband wasn't around! Or I put my car/house keys down and have&nb...	liz	6	3478	Oct 19, 2004 by Raindancer
	spoke to mum (Preview) deleted -- Edited by jane at 21:39, 2004-10-18	jane	3	847	Oct 18, 2004 by Frog
	Conflict Terror (Preview) Thanks all those who offered me support. That conflict stuff really got to me. Capitals. Blaming. I thought I'd found a safe place. Then it wasn't. Bad flashbacks. Afraid I'll trigger others. Afraid others won't handle my darkest stuff. Don't know how to do it. Still need to. Too painful. Alone....	ouchzone	4	892	Oct 18, 2004 by jane
	Addictions (Preview) Hi All, This is really hard to admit and I am being serious on this one, I think I have a shopping addiction! Few! Said it. Everytime I go out I buy something, not cheap stuff either, I have loads of shoes and cloths and then end up throughing them away becuase I don't like them anymore. I lo...	Frog	3	807	Oct 18, 2004 by Frog
	Every One (Preview) To every one I would like to apologies to any one to whom I have not spoken to directly – I wish that I had the time to talk to each and everyone of you – I care so much about how you all are. Take lots and lots of care every single one of you, you all deserve healing and comfort and...	segelov	2	860	Oct 18, 2004 by Frog
	To hug or not to hug (Preview) - 5 Couldn't live without them but extended periods of being punished by solitary confinement and being ignored. 5 & 6 Had to live without them. Abandoned. No substitute. Emotional withdrawl symptoms 7 Hugs again wonderful. 8 Sexual abuse Wouldn't let anyone within arm's reach 9 Let...	ouchzone	11	924	Oct 18, 2004 by segelov
	I am Scared PART 2 (Preview) HI all, Part 2 of my first post, I am confussed again Today I am ok mum and dad are know ok, and I find it hard to beleive they could have abused me now! But I know when there horriable, I become a shiverring reck again, it's so odd and I don't understand. ant thoughts or comments welcome, good or bad -...	Frog	2	714	Oct 18, 2004 by Frog
	I Don't Know How to Cope (Preview) I was physically abused. I feel that there is nothing more i can do and i feel stupid because i continue to do things to set him off when i was younger and i cant deal with the feelings of guilt and pain i have. i cant talk to anyone.... i dont know what else to say	keri_ann	5	764	Oct 18, 2004 by amanda
	To Post or Not to Post! (Preview) Hello I would like to say in this posting is that if you ever feel that you should not be posting on this site, it probably means you really ought. As several people have said to me, when I started thinking that I am too needy that this is the place to be. You do not know how much you ar...	segelov	3	863	Oct 18, 2004 by amanda
	What defines healing for you? (Preview) Hi there Everyone In reply to another posting elsewhere I thought this might be a good question. We talk about healing and yet I wonder what we all mean by it. Obviously it's going to mean different things for us all. I don't think it's an end produ...	liz	4	621	Oct 18, 2004 by amanda
	Is It ME? (Preview) Hi I feel wired right know the more I write here the more I feel that for some odd reason I don't know this is gonna sound crazy and please I not looking for poeple to say otherwise just does anybody else feel this way. I feel as though no one likes me, it's always been a fear of mine I don't make friends eas...	Frog	6	760	Oct 18, 2004 by ouchzone
	STUPID STUPID STUPID (Preview) I have done so well over these past weeks then today I let not only me but everyone down. I had a hospital appoinment re on going womens problems my GP had briefly said in his letter that there were some problems relating to my past. I lost it big time I was asked to undress and get on...	amanda	13	832	Oct 18, 2004 by ouchzone
	worse (Preview) things are spiralling downwards for me at the moment and i am getting very scared that i havent got the strength to keep it together. i need to do just that, i have two adorable children and a responsible job that i love. tuesday morning, after a very bad session with my counsellor that frightened me. i...	jane	8	820	Oct 18, 2004 by ouchzone
	People come and People go (Preview) Hi I feel kind of flat this evening. Can't quite put my finger on it. Can't quite find any comfort either. And i'm not sure that this posting is going to make alot of sense either. It's just that I'm wondering whether this forum is kind of transitory for us all. ...	liz	12	728	Oct 17, 2004 by ouchzone
	why (Preview) hi guys not been on in a while lots of stuff to deal with mainly my G/F sleeping with some one else as she couldnt handle 'my issues'!!!!!! when does this **** leave ya alone and let u get on with ya life she said i pushed her away and didnt let her in which i did do but its so hard to trust people wish i could let pe...	ratty	4	741	Oct 17, 2004 by ouchzone
	What motivates the abuser? (Preview) Why does an extremely abusive parent act like they care about things like a grade on a report card? When they don't care if you're clothes fit, or you have enough food? I understand that the motivations are not usually something you can see, but this contradiction seems to repeat itself. c	claudine	4	1040	Oct 17, 2004 by ouchzone
	New Winter Wardrobe (Preview) Hey Guys, I really feel as though I am breking the rules here, as this would usally go on the goss section, but wanted to just make you all laff and when I am in need of help I never think of looking around just sit waiting for replies. I have as from today a new winter Wardrobe. I have a fav purple jacket...	Frog	9	649	Oct 17, 2004 by liz
	cant deal with much more sorry (Preview) i am so so sorry feel like am lettin you all down but dont think i can take much more of this ti am trying so hard to cope with all this s**t but it is getting on top of me now my head just wants to blow up been like this for the past few weaks hopeing it would just settle down again but it hasnt its just getting to muc...	leckie	8	581	Oct 17, 2004 by ouchzone
	I am Scared MAy Trigger (Preview) Hi All, Me again, I find it hard to admit that I need help! there I said it. And I do right now. I am so scared to write see incase anyone ever reads it who knows me, if someone found out that I am Frog and that I am am who I am if that makes sense. I am scared of my mum and dad, always have been, I am so s...	Frog	6	602	Oct 17, 2004 by Frog
	It's not all bad!! (Preview) Hi Every One Despite all that has happened to me I am an extremely lucky person, after three attempts I found my soul mate. I am fortunate to have two beautiful daughters and two lovely grandchildren. I after many years of being a “gypsy” now am settled in my lovely little hom...	segelov	1	711	Oct 17, 2004 by Frog
	The contact has started (Preview) Well the calls have started to come through from family members on behalf of her. Just as I thought she has them all singing and dancing for her. I feel so so sick just put phone down on someone who doesn't deserve to be involved in this mess. I am scared that sometime soon she will...	numb	3	657	Oct 17, 2004 by Frog
	weekend (Preview) Right its the weekend and I always seem to downward spiral without the structure that work offers I cannot understand why colleagues are eager for Fridays but I have decided this weekend is going to be different I am not going to let it happen but may need help amanda	amanda	8	618	Oct 17, 2004 by claudine
	bad week, may trigger... (Preview) so last week a ew housemate moved in (i live in a student house) who im not sure i like. i live with 3 lads, one of them's my boyfriend and it's pretty tough sometimes. my grandad died, he didn't abuse me and was a good man so im gutted. on the same day i found out i had an argument with my boyfriend and he said i...	hazel	5	579	Oct 17, 2004 by amanda
	Missing my soul mate (Preview) Goodmorning It is Saturday morning, our anniversary. I have not heard from my beloved since Thursday! No emails, his phone is not connecting (quite usual for these far flung places but still I worry). I have a tendency to visualise in my head all those dreadful scenarios - he does not u...	segelov	4	643	Oct 17, 2004 by amanda
	Tonight (Preview) Not sure how I feel, probably numb sums up alot of whats going on. Tonight I know that my sis*** is enjoying all the glory at a family party. Engaging all her relatives tht she has not seen for many years getting them all seeing this wonderful caring person who lives such a wonderful life on t...	numb	12	708	Oct 16, 2004 by amanda
	burning pain (Preview) bad, bad feelings lots of guilt and shame, seems to be buring a hole through the middle of me. he liked my hair, really liked it. he combed it and i let him. My brother was excluded i was his favourite and i sat there and let him comb it. i let him do what he wanted. second feeling today o...	ellie	8	679	Oct 16, 2004 by ellie
	too difficult (Preview) ' ' ouch	ouchzone	10	651	Oct 15, 2004 by leckie
	Return Visit to Ooptician MAY TRIGGER (Preview) I've just come back from further visit to opticians. Feel re-traumatized and messed around with. Still shaking, feel in shock. Close to tears - (&I don't do tears) Went back today to collect new contact lenses and whilst there he put in eye drops to dil...	liz	7	643	Oct 15, 2004 by jem
	Lists (Preview) Hi! In between feeling sorry for myself and life I do silly excercises like making lists. Two in particular, one marked losses and one marked gains, or more to the point one marked "What I mourn for" and one marked "what makes me joyful" My aim when I am feeling positive is to have more ite...	segelov	1	689	Oct 15, 2004 by amanda
	Forum Addiction - BEWARE! (Preview) Hi there I don't know about you all but I'm beginning to find this forum a wee bit addictive and I can't decide whether that's good or bad or neither. I remember Claudine making a similar comment elsewhere - but can't for the life of me think which section she posted in - sorry!. &nb...	liz	14	695	Oct 15, 2004 by jane
	Trying not to isolate (Preview) I just wrote this post then deleted it then realised I was doing just what I am trying not to. I am trying so hard not to isolate myself after hearing the news that my sis*** is in the country. All I want to do is disappear, hide away from everyone and isolate myself completely. Bu...	numb	4	787	Oct 15, 2004 by Lark
	Winter Blues (Preview) I am sure we all feels it somehow. It is gray and we feel blue. Here in Vienna- Austria if you say I feel blue means drunk. Funny huh. Hard to go for a walk because I am down with Flu and the cold air hurts my face. I can not see or hear orange juice anymore. I think we all feeling not very well out of t...	Sue	1	601	Oct 15, 2004 by Lark
	Rats! I panicked again! (Preview) There's this bus driver who always says hello to me but a few weeks ago he introduced himself and asked me my name and I lost it! I looked fine outwardly and said my name and managed to squeak 'Pleased to meet you' and sit down but my body just went bananas. I couldnt feel my fingers and my feet, hands and li...	Lark	5	796	Oct 15, 2004 by Lark
	Life story work (Preview) Hi all I have one of my questions has anyone ever done life story work as an adult before. I had therapy today and although I came away exhausted as usual I felt for once I was more open. Possibly due to the support I have had here which has lessoned my anger My Therapist talked about life story...	amanda	2	683	Oct 14, 2004 by Frog
	phonecall (Preview) I feel bad that you all offered your support when I asked for it and then I couldn't make the call. Well I just did.	numb	8	650	Oct 14, 2004 by amanda
	Responsibility (Preview) What sort of responsibility do we have towards others in our quest for the truth about our abuse? If we know that we will hurt innocent bystanders should we tell? I feel that yes we must tell becasue abusers go on to hurt some other bystanders. I do not believe that most abusers ever s...	segelov	3	558	Oct 14, 2004 by Lark
	RED HOT ANGER (Preview) Not sure where I should be posting this - on the surface it doesn't relate to abuse. Just need to get this out of my system. I am just so livid. Spent the last hour or so writing a letter to a friend using Microsoft Word on the frigging computer. Come to print it an...	liz	6	738	Oct 13, 2004 by liz
	Not such a good day (Preview) Today's not exactly a banner day. My cat (who I would have had exactly 19 years in two weeks) suddenly got very sick last week. Turns out she had a tumour, plus advanced kidney failure. My husband and I had to put her down on Friday. Today my husband had to fly out of the country on business, so I'm alone at ho...	Growing roots and wings	5	740	Oct 13, 2004 by amanda
	Asking for support (Preview) I posted a couple of days ago about a phone call I had received. Well I am going to do something I am not very comfortable with yet but ask you all to support me over next few hours. I have to make a couple of phonecalls this evening to establish whether my sis*** is in this country. Not fe...	numb	10	757	Oct 13, 2004 by amanda
	Trusting Adults in positions of trust with our chi (Preview) Hi there I have a 12 year old son who's a Scout. He loves going to scout meetings and on camps etc. All the Scout leaders are male and though I know they will have undergone police checks, and they're nice guys I also feel so very wary. It's all about trust and I find it really...	liz	6	774	Oct 13, 2004 by liz
	bad bad session (Preview) i went to councelling this morning. wasnt feeling particularly good anyway, fed up of it all. it was going ok, talking about the here and now, problems with my mum etc. she then asked me a simple enough question regarding him. what happened next was terrifying. my brain froze, refused to go to that...	jane	6	633	Oct 13, 2004 by Lark
	WHY are we? (Preview) a question i keep asking myself, i would love to hear your thoughts on it. the people we have become and who we are, thought processes and personality/s, are they predetermined or are we a product of our childhood? do the people that abused us have a say in who we have become, b...	jane	8	755	Oct 12, 2004 by amanda
	Night Terrors (Preview) Anybody hear of those? I started having them early teen years. I would wake up in a state of complete terror, frozen. I'd try to continue to breath like I was sleeping, I think I saw a movie where someone said that's how they could tell someone was feining sleep. I was sure someone was in the room and I didn'...	claudine	3	670	Oct 12, 2004 by claudine
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