WHY are we?

jane · Experienced Member

WHY are we?

numb · Veteran Member

Hi Jane

For me I really believe that my past has shaped the way I have lived my life. I guess the biggest thing for me along the journey of healing is to find out who I am. I often feel I have no identity as a person other than wife,mother etc., but who am I?

The more I deal with the ab@@@ the more I can see how it has shaped me and what I see is something I do not like very much.

My thoughts, I will be interested to hear others comments.

Numb

-- Edited by numb at 21:02, 2004-10-10

rob · Veteran Member

Hi Jane

This one is nearly as hard as Why are we here? I feel all of us hide behind a mask. I also believe that we all want to know who we really are. I am always trying to find out who is the real me! I am slowly realising that we are what life has made us! we cannot be any different. We can only come to a place of self-realisation but, here it becomes complicated. You could say that life has many pathsroutesplanesroads. These are altered by events, decisions etc. But, we are on the one that we have lived and that cannot be changed. The only thing that can be changed are the ones we will encounter. This will be done by events and the decisions we will make in the present and future. Our trouble is, so much of our life is controlled by fears from the past. It is only when we can overcome these fears and grow in ourselves, that our lives will alter for the better. These are not my ideas but those of Maslow-who has studied the psychology of human behaviour.Sorry for such a long winded, boring reply but Yes, I feel we all would want to know Who would I be if...

I,ve got a headache now....

Rob

leckie · Senior Member

why are we ?

personally i think it is the product of our childhood that made us who we are as i don't know if anyone will agree with this but i dont actually know who i am that part of learning and growing was taken away from me by that b****** who abused me and controled my life but i feel that i sometimes come out the way i should be when i have had a drink and relaxed i am a totally differant person and i like that bit of me not that i would drink every day to be like that i will just work hard at it.

would i be me had it not happened or am i only me because it did?

yes i know that i would be a totally differant person if the abuse had not happened i would not have to have felt the need to lie to keep people out of my life i know i would not have stoped cuddling my children and that i would have been a better person and have a personality rather than than the so called boring one i have just now this is not me i am inside screeming to get out because of that f****** b****** but i am fighting to let me out and i will be happy

please take care all john

Frog · Experienced Member

Hi Leckie,

Great topic, as I struggle with this myself. I feel I would not be the person I am if it had not happened, I look at others in the street and they don't have the fear I have, I won't walk through and underpass in daylight let alone at night, I don't go out becuase I am afraid, I get parnoid that poeple are following me. and it's all down to the abuse. so I beleieve I would be a different person if it did not happen.

I don't know who I am either I wear many masks, someone once said to me that you cant turn your emtions on and off like a tap will I can! I can change from one minute to the next, I can be upset but if someone needs me I will be there. I am scared to be angry, scared of when guys approach me, I don't know how to handle it.

Don' know if I made much sense hear, sorry if I didn't

Frog

suzy · Newbie

Hi Jane,

I feel that my abuse has changed me and i feel if i wasn't abused i would be the person that is struggling to be freed. I allow no one to get close to me and i trust no one. That has to be part of my abuse as the abuser took that from me. I feel i am a stronger person and more independent. I often compare my personality to my brothers and they are what i am struggling to be, or is that i'm me and i'm struggling to be them. Lost now!

I think we are made with a personality and we are us just that bits are suspressed or enlarged to allow us to cope and to function. Hopefully as we get stronger and with us trusting are feeling/emotions the roles would reverse.

Suzanne.

Lark · Senior Member

I feel that the cheerful trusting little thing I was is still in there somewhere. I feel that my experiences have just blotted her out a bit. I think she is just waiting to re-join me. Sometimes she is with me and I am whole again just for a little while. This has only started happening lately- ten years after the last horrid episode so I guess I'm getting better and I'm starting to feel as if I am re-claiming the person I was and who I thought I would be.
I've started getting these dreams where I feel safe in unknown places, relaxed and ready to have fun. I am always carefree and it's as though I have a right to be there and it feels so good! I want that to be me!
I think feeling that we have lost some of our personality is a powerful motivator.

angel eyes · Veteran Member

I've got a good life now, and I'm happy some of the time, but it doesn't last cos my grandfather stole my innocence and spirt from me all those years ago, I have been cheated and no matter how much I try to smile and be a good mum, friend , partner whatever it's all a lie cos it's fake, cos I don't know who I am, He stole my identity but I'm 100% sure I'm not the person i was mean't to be, I may look ok but I'm not, but I carry on because that's what I do I'm a SURVIVOR ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I will have happy times but that dirty empty feeling will NEVER go away and that hurts!

angel eyes

amanda · Experienced Member

This reminds me of that age long debate nature versus nurture. I believe I am very much what the abuse moulded me into I have many masks that I hide behind because I hate the person I am and if I am honest I don't want to be that person but do not know how to change it. I feel very inferior when with other people not because I am shy but because they may see me for the dirty filthy b*tch the abuse made me.

I do believe that if I had been rought up differnet I would be a different person I look at mt children and gain confirmation of this they are the people of there past they are happy secure young adults who have a future I at least gave them that a chance I never had

Amanda