burning pain

ellie · Senior Member

burning pain

Frog · Experienced Member

Ellie,

Just read your post and I am sorry for your pain,

Remeber you were a child back then, you were to scared to speak to say anything, it is NOT YOUR FUALT!!!!!!!

It is that evil B########d's fault!!!! NOT YOURS!!!

You have nothing to be ashamed of you did nothing wrong, it wasn't, it's not and it never will be your fault.

I don't mean to sound angry of anything I just want to let you now it's not you.

You are the right and good one, this person took advantage, and that was WRONG WRONG SO wrong of that person you have nothing absolutly nothing to feel ashamed of.

Just take it easy your ok sending big big hugs if thats ok with you.

Frog

claudine · Moderator

hey ells,

when I'm hitting that wall, it helps me to re-read the healing links. I think it helps organize my thoughts so I can deal with them better. You only let him do what you thought you had to to protect yourself. Normally brushing someones hair would signify a level of care. That got twisted because of who was doing it. Don't beat yourself up. (beat him up!-mentally, that is) You're allowed to be angry.

take care ellie

c

ellie · Senior Member

Hi claudine and frog,

thanks for reply, it meant so much to me. dont really know whats happening, everything just seems to be falling apart. Suppossed to have hairdressers appt this afternoon (arranged long ago) dont really know if i can get there. Sounds really stupid and pathetic. Had flashback at hairdressers before and managed ok but i hate this. It used to be a treat getting my hair done now i have to steel myself and hope nothing happens. scared stiff im going to make a complete fool of myself and start crying. I am trying and i will re read those healing pages again. Just to thank you both, i was pretty desperate last night and just needed a response (that sounds stupid as well but thats what it felt like last night)

take care

ellie

HAVOCA · Trustee

Ellie, Thanks for posting your feelings. It takes bravery to be honest and courage to stand up for what is right.

I can't emphasise C and Frog's words enough.

You are in my thoughts,

Jamie

Lark · Senior Member

Hi Ellie

I hope you're feeling better now. It's horrible going through those storms.
I did cut all my hair off eight years ago. With terrible blunt scissors! I'm a little embaressed about it now but it did make me feel a little better for a little while at the time. It was really long waist-length and I'm happy to report it is now waist-length again!
However, I found at the time that I missed it's blanket-like feeling and I accept having it now but I keep it tied up unless my partner is with me as I dont like the attention it brings.
I know many others who have 'gone the hack' too. My best friend (another survivor) got dreadlocks and then six months later shaved the lot. Like me, she had mixed feelings about what she had done and whether it helped or not.
Anyway I hope the day goes well and you reward yourself however it turns out.
Good luck at the hairdressers
Lark

amanda · Experienced Member

Hi Ellie

Sorry you are feeling so bad hair is a really personal thing and from a female point of view has a lot to do with our feminity and the way we view ourselves it may be best to let the hairdresser cut your hair at least it would be straight. I wear mine short now and very basic cos I can't be bothered with it and when it was long it drew too much attention

Don't suffer alone keep posting

amanda

jane · Experienced Member

ellie,

you are one of the sweetest, kindest people i know, and to hear your pain like that really tears me up, i wish i could take it all away for you. remember you are not alone in this. i am always here, and will always listen and talk.

you dont deserve this now, and you certainly didnt then. you were a child and should have been loved, cared for, nurtured and protected. protected from everything, cared for more than life itself. not that. im so so sorry that you have to deal with this.

my words will not stop what happened and im know they hold little help, but you can do this, we are all here for you. remember you are special, you may not have had it when you were small, but you are certainly cared for here. keep posting and we will listen.

you are in my thoughts

stay safe ellie

jane

ellie · Senior Member

everybody,

thank-you so much for all your replies, your support and understanding helped me find the strength to get through this. My friend 'escorted' me to hairdressers and as i sat in the chair i thought of every one of you. I was tense and nervous but ok and i did it. Really worried about starting meds.

Thank you all again, take care

ellie