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liz


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I'm sorry - you've heard this all before but
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Hi there people


I know I don't have to apologise so this time I won't!   Just that you've heard this all before and I don't want to sound like a stuck record (remember them!). 


I just feel kind of low, lonely, alone.   Yesterdays trauma is still reverberating around my head and the rawness remains.  It's not that I'm just sitting here doing nothing - and there's nothing wrong with doing just that! - I've been out and about this morning - achieved quite alot even.  Just come back from taking Cheddar for a walk in the woods - the sun was shining, shafts of light through the branches, very muddy under foot, she missed all the squirrels ie she didn't manage to catch them! though she had fun trying.  A pleasure to watch. For all that  though I feel empty and achingly alone - again. 


There's plenty of things I should be geting on with and no doubt later I will.  But these thoughts and feelings will remain.  And it's knowing there isn't an answer.  I guess it's a kind of mourning and sometimes like now feels worse.  Praps I just have to put up with it - feels like it's been there all my life.  This is nothing new.... Should be used to it by now except I'm not.


I just want someone to wrap their arms round me, tell me - again that it's ok for me to say all this - again.    And yet all the reasurance in the world won't be enough.  I'm needy today - and every day.


And maybe someone reading this will help.  Maybe an acknowledgment is enough.  I sometimes need that proof that people are still there for me.  I'm sorry if that sounds daft.  I'm afraid of being abandoned. 


I'll shut up and go and  make a cake for a friend who's 16 year old son is leaving home tomorrow.  Doing something for others is knowing that at least I'm not totally selfish. 


 Praps if I make another cake as well I can cut it up for all you people too.  Hope you like chocolate cake.  I'll let you know when it's ready and we can have  a virtual tea break together!.... I've lost it now completely - 'only now' can  I hear someone mutter.....!


Thanks for being there my friends


liz x     


I've lost my knack at making cakes - can't give my friend the specimen that came out of the oven - might try again later - might just stick with the veg lasagne.  I just so wanted to be able to give Jo a prepared meal so that when she comes back from taking her son tomorrow she won't have to bother cooking on Monday night.   And i'm tired now and irritable and everything seems like too much effort..... 


...I've just nipped out to Tesco to buy some nice special biccies to make up for this cake that just didn't work this time.  Come home and I've just had enough! like I've got nothing left to give - the lasagne is half made, the kitchen is a tip, and I just feel like crying.  Praps it would help if I just allowed myself to do that .... -- Edited by liz at 17:52, 2004-10-16



-- Edited by liz at 19:27, 2004-10-16

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jane


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liz


i adore chocolate cake, in fact i love cake and all things sweet and bad for me! so feel free to send some over!


i love the name of your dog, mine are both pretty unimaginitive. though they are pretty mad.


it doesnt matter how many times you say you need us, we are here for you and will never get sick of telling you that. sending you big virtual hugs and wishing you lots of warmth. lonliness is so hard to deal with and i have nothing that can help, but i can offer to listen anytime you need it and i will always tell you the same thing. you are a special person, who deserves happiness and her dreams to come true. you always show me kindness, which shows that you are a kind, caring special person. can you do something nice for you, something that you always want to do but never get round to. make that time, do something to remind yourself that you are special, because you are and you need to know that yourself.


take care, stay safe


sending BIG BIG BIG HUGS


jane 


 



-- Edited by jane at 16:36, 2004-10-16

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spanglemaker


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Hi Liz

is it ok for me to give you a big hug? I think you wanted someone to put their arms around you, so here you go

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Liz))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

That's about as big as I could make it. Of course it is Ok for you to say whatever you need to. When you feel lonely it is good to reach out for support. I am only too glad to be online to say hello, and of course to share in that yummy chocolate cake. Mind you, I will only have some if you have a piece the same time as me!

Thanks for describing your walk in the woods with your dogs. I felt like I was almost there with you. Nature can be so healing.

Hang on in there. How about watching a film tonight? Do you have a tv? BBC2 has the Oscar Wilde film on later - it looks good.

Take care

Spanglemaker


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amanda


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Hi Liz


Sorry you are so low at the moment but glad you realise we are here for you.


I love chocolate cake don't matter if it turned out wrong just the word chocolate will be enough for me I hope you send me a virtual piece if you thought you were mad then I must be too


I like the name cheddar what made you pick that name for him it don't sound too bad when you call it out better than some one on the beach the other day calling her dog baby it just sounded strange


Take care and I am thinking of you


Amanda



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margaret


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Dear liz
sending you a big hug you have been so kind to me just wanted you to know you are not alone,
Thinking of you hope you are doing something nice for yourself
Take care lots of love to you
Margaret

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liz


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Thank you for replying


I couldn't be bothered to edit it all again.  Felt more like deleting it.  Just feel so low.  Can't seem to make any decisions about anything.  And more to the point nothing really interests me tonight.  Thanks for the ideas people but just don't feel motivated to do anything very much. 


My son has a friend over for a sleep-over so at least he is occupied and happy.  Cheddar is cowering under the desk because of the wretched fireworks.  A bath might have been nice but I feel Ineed to comfort the dog and it feels a bit awkward with the friend here. 


My husband is away working for yet another weekend - though even if he were here I'm not sure we'd be doing anything much together.  I take my hat off to single parent families.  These past few weekends have been enough for me - total responsibility for everything is hard work.  Especially when i'm at such a low ebb.  Lord knows how people manage it 24/7. 


Might go to bed soon - cuddle up with a hottie might just be what I need.......Just can't get warm - its definitely Autumn now, the dark nights are here and won't be long before we put the clocks back. 


I'll stop being a miserable whingeing soul and hope that the morning will bring forth some renewed enthusiasm for this thing we call life. 


Thanks for the hugs and your care and friendship.....


liz x 


  



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claudine


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hey lizzy,


just got in from work, sorry you're so low. Do you think it's a back-lash from the turmoil of yesterday? You certainly went through alot. It tends to cycle like that for me. Part of me is disappointed that I didn't handle things better, part of me just wants more understanding and comfort from the events of the day. That stuff doesn't just go away because the sun set and rose again. You need to give yourself time to recover. Your headed in the right direction, you need to soothe yourself. You had an awful day yesterday. You deserve some peace and comfort. (((((())))))


c



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liz


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Thanks Claudine


Your comments make sense.  I guess this is all about reaction from yesterday and I just needed someone to point that out to me because I just couldn't see it for myself. I'm not going to go down the road of thinking I'm stupid not to have thought of the connection.  I know that when I'm low all logic tends to go out of the window.  I'm not stupid just raw. 


And I think I just thought I could carry on as normal and everything would be fine today - Now that is stupid!


It was nice to hear from you just.  This blessed time difference - course - you've been at work all day.  I guess it's early evening your time. 


I do need to be gentle and I do need to soothe my self.  Shall try and go to bed though I'm not sure sleep is going to happen much - my mind is still on overtime. 


I wonder how your day has been and how you are generally.  Thanks for being there for me along with all the others.   it's so good to know I can just be myself here and you all accept me just as I am and where I am. 


Have a good evening but don't forget to spend some time with your cat.....!


liz x



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claudine


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it's funny but I never see this stuff when it's happening to me either.


Saturdays suck!!! I get up early, you guys are chatting away and I have to go to work then I get home and you're ready to turn in!


generally, a bit stressed, have a 3 day meeting i have to go to sun-wedI hate meetings. won't have a computer, have to share a room, they run you ragged,three days worth of hairballs on my computer chair


I don't leave until tomorrow night. I'll be very happy when I'm back on wednesday.


It's good to hear from you.



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numb


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((((((Liz))))) gentle hugs my friend sorry you have not had a good day (yesterday looking at the time sorry) yet still you reach out and care for others including me.  Good arriving home a few minutes ago and getting your messages, will catch up with up later.


 


Hope you managed to do something for you last night - sorry I missed the cake mind you I would have to pass on the cake but would have enjoyed coffee with everyone.


 


Numb



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ouchzone


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Can't eat cake. Makes me ill. But when I used to my favourite was gooey chocolate cake that hadn't cooked properly and was sunk and heavy in the middle. I never rated the light fluffy risen properly sort of cakes 'cos it's like eating air not food. Reckon you must've made a brilliant cake - the filling sort how they really ought to be.


That's my opinion. Delia Smith will not accept any responsibility for the content of this post.


ou(liz)ch


ouch


PS Is this a sticky topic? Best ask Jamie.



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liz


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Hi Ouchzone


The cake didn't turn out right at all.  Actually I think I need to buy some more weighing scales......Most of my cakes do - not that I make many anymore.  Yeah, I love those heavy, gooey cakes too - all squidgy in the middle.  Our Delia would be shocked!..... in fact I love any sort of cake really......  


So what do you eat for comfort then?   Or maybe you don't find your comfort through food. And is it just cakes that make you ill or have you an allergy to gluten or something similar.  


Ah well, better go - I've got to sew some badges on my son's scout uniform for this evening.  Hate sewing.  HATE,HATE,HATE it.  = probably cos I'm no good at it!.  


(((((((ouch)))))))


liz x  


 



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ouchzone


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Hi Liz


Comfort - I hug a pillow or wrap it round me to get a hug. It's not a very good way to fill the parent void but I have to make do! No wonder I get down sometimes ducky is it, being related to a pillow?


I'm very bad at ironing I put creases in
I'm Ok at sewing
I'm fairly good at cooking but i don't like it, the smells are torture as I can't eat most of the stuff I make for them
I'm an expert at peeling onions - no honestly
Just learnt how to add emoticons to posts, can I have a red star for that?
I'm absolutely hopeless at playing the violin now can't you just hear awful screeching noises


Now it's your turn to say what you're good at. Confess to your hidden talents. The tango? Growing asparagus? Changing a tyre? Wallpaper hanging? Drawing caricatures? Let's have it.


ouch



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