employment

amanda · Experienced Member

employment

HAVOCA · Trustee

I definitely chose my career path to prove to others I was capable of doing something with my life.

I wish I'd listened to my heart and done what I wanted and not what I thought other people wanted me to do.

Still, too late to keep looking back, I'm not disappointed with what I've achieved but I sometimes wonder where I'd be if I wasn't abused.

Regards

Jamie

liz · Experienced Member

It's interesting this topic because for years I did what I could in terms of finding any job after being at uni and ended up in NHS finance for 14 long, boring years.

More recently my new career - though I'm loathe to call it such - has evolved through being a parent helper at my son's school. For the past couple of years I have been working as a teaching assistant - though unqualified. I'm only just beginning to take on board that I'm 'good enough'. That I have got something to offer, that I can come alongside children and support them.

All those years ago when I was being abused and struggling with school it would have been good to have had the support that I can now give these children. Perhaps that's why I'm doing it. To have had someone listen to me, and give me the encouragement and support and dignity and acceptance and all that - wow that would have been great.

I'm grateful for a second chance and to do something enjoyable as well as worthwhile.

claudine · Moderator

For some reason I've never felt like I've had a choice and just made the best of whatever job I happened to land. I drift constantly. I have held quite a variety of jobs and have absolutely no idea what I would 'like' to do. I usually end up in a major conflict that either makes me leave or gets me fired. But I don't usually have difficulty getting another one, and I usually get move up the ladder fairly quickly. The concept of a career is beyond me. I could go to school forever though, I like to learn.

c

Frog · Experienced Member

Hi all,

And snap! Liz what you said reallt rang true to me having someone to listen when I was at school would have been so helpfull. But no one ever wanted to know.

i feel I am in the wrong career also I feel into it it was the only job around when I left school. 8 years later I am still doing it. and constantly think I am failure, poeple other parents use to say when I was at school I would never get any where with my life. I wanted to prove them wrong so my career worked out well on that score because it sounds good!!! But truth behind is that I would love to be a couseller, therpist, I want to help others so much, I just have a burning desire to do that. and was thinking of trainig part time. But who knows not sure yet!

Take care all

Frog

Growing roots and wings · Veteran Member

quote:
Originally posted by: claudine
"
For some reason I've never felt like I've had a choice and just made the best of whatever job I happened to land. I drift constantly. I have held quite a variety of jobs and have absolutely no idea what I would 'like' to do. I usually end up in a major conflict that either makes me leave or gets me fired. But I don't usually have difficulty getting another one, and I usually get move up the ladder fairly quickly. The concept of a career is beyond me. I could go to school forever though, I like to learn.
c"

Claudine,
You said every single thing I would say myself, with one exception. I have a career that I love, that fits my skills and interests - it feels like home, when nothing else in my life does. But even with that, I still do all the things you mentioned: end up in major conflict, etc... The one mitigating factor is that I'm good at what I do. If I could just stop getting myself involved in conflict..... I really hate that part of myself - it aggravates my PTSD severely, yet I don't know how to stop it.

I was fortunate enough to find a course in college that was geared to helping people find out what they wanted to do in life. It was 8 weeks in length, with four weeks of 'tests': personality tests, aptitude tests, employment interest tests... But the most valuable part of the course was that we got opportunities to audit university or college courses for whatever subject we were interested in. It's quite spectacularly amazing how much that clarifies what you want to do. I was fortunate to get a placement in an area where they put me to work in an IT department and everything just fell together for me. I've had many different types of jobs, but in my area technology is constantly changing, so constant change isn't as big a problem as it might be in other fields.

Now if I could just stop shooting myself in the foot...

Amanda,
I'm not certain what your career is, but it sounds like you are in a helping field of some sort or another. If you are, I'm absolutely certain you've made a difference. When I look back on my life, the one thing I think could have changed things for me was if one person - even just one! - had actually stood up for me, or indicated in any way that what I was going through wasn't right - that maybe there was another way. Everything you post is kind, and gentle, and informed, and concerned. Even if you haven't made the impact you would have liked in your career (which I sincerely doubt), you've helped me immensely. Just thought you should know.
J.

-- Edited by Growing roots and wings at 06:27, 2004-10-03

-- Edited by Growing roots and wings at 07:37, 2004-10-03

leckie · Senior Member

hi all

hope everyone is ok today? the job i went into i did not realy choose it seemed to choose me i started of as a kitchen porter for a few years but ended up being a chef i did this for 14 years in the same hotel at the start i was fairly happy as i knew that what i was doping was making other people happy it was even better when you got compliments from the customers or if they wasnted the recipie for what they had just eaten but eventually the job just became like a prison sentance so i have now moved on i am doing a job that i enjoy again its just driving picking up and delivering peoples cars to and from a garage but i like it and i feel now that i help people out more as i have actual contact with them i know it is not a big thing but it makes me happy i always wanted to work with disabled children as i used to help out at a school for the disabled and go on outings with them but was just to afraid to do that as a career my mind and past stoped that

take care and be happy john

Raindancer · Veteran Member

Hi Amanda,

Im not fully into my choosen career yet...but i do have doubts on those bad days.

You may not have stopped abuse Amanda, its not something that can be stopped by one person...but what you do helps and im sure there are many out there who's lives you have made a difference within (That itself is a great achievement).

Take care, Raindancer

BTW i dont know how i've managed to change the size of my fonts throughout this reply...sorry it was accidental

-- Edited by Raindancer at 16:37, 2004-10-03

Growing roots and wings · Veteran Member

quote:
Originally posted by: amanda
"
It has been a barrier for me to hide behind now I need to come out and deal with it before it is too late
"

Amanda,
This is such a big topic - thanks for posting.

I just re-read your original post. I'm wondering what you meant by the sentence quoted above - I missed 'hearing' that the first time I read it. Do you think that your choice of career has made it harder to work through your abuse issues or has it made it easier to avoid them? It sounds like a significant thing to say. I'm not sure I understood it but I'd like to.

I'm also interested to know what you meant by" too late". I used that expression with my therapist last week. "How do i know when it's too late to work on this and expect any change?" Time's ticking - I feel if I follow any more advice to "go slowly" I'll be dead before I'm healthy. Sometimes I feel like I'm so old, and I've struggled with this for so long, I feel a great sense of shame that I haven't been able to accomplish more "at my age". I'm wondering what you mean by "too late".

Best regards,
J.

ouchzone · Experienced Member

Too messed up (education & health) after left school to work at all. Then drifted. I thought that I was unworthy of a decent job. That I would be depriving someone else. I thought I ought to sweep streets or clean bogs (No offence to cleaners). At the same time I felt as if I had this huge debt over me. I'd been eating for years (even though I spent a lot of time hungry) at the expense of my parents, receiving NHS health care etc. it was time I put something back. Even when working I couldn't earn enough to pay rent on a flat and escape the abuse. I came this close \ to giving up and going to live on the street to get away from them. I didn't think I was any use to anyone I had nothing to offer the world. I grew up believing I was bad, stupid, weak then later crazy too. The rejections (for jobs) made me despair even more.

It's different now. When I'm working I do it with enthusiasm as much as possible even though the work can be very boring at times. I've learn to see the value of what I do. That even when I feel ill I manage to keep going. Doesn't really matter what I'm doing, just being able to work is wonderful.

ouch

amanda · Experienced Member

Hello Growing roots and wings

Heres my attempt at answering your questions need to say you made me smile with your use of wording (you said you missed "hearing" what I said the first time) I do this frequently I am deaf I work as a Social Worker for the deaf It has caused me great difficulties in working with my own abuse because communication is difficult when the number of people who sign fluently are very limited and work within your own networks the deaf community is a very closed society and this forum has given me the chance to express myself as an equal hope that makes sense

When I said its too late I sometimes feel I will be haunted forever by my past I will never completely heal because of the injuries sustained through the abuse but I was pushed into my career have been doing it for so long and have no confidence to be able to do anything else as much as I would like too added to this is no one will want me

Do you know I cannot drive because of the epilepsy but I always wanted to be a long distance lorry driver driving a huge lorry

hope this has answered your questions and that you understand where I am coming from if not just ask again

Take Care

Amanda

rob · Veteran Member

Hi Amanda

Just picked up your post. I am sure everyone of us wants to make a difference especially in stopping abuse. Sometimes, when I hear the news, look in a paper or more recently watch TV (abuse seems rife at present) I CRINGE!

I am fortunate in having the career I always wanted. I am so sorry you have not attained your dreams. I can only sympathise with you. I cannot imagine how you feel.

A story comes to mind ( not mine-apologies if you have heard it!)...

A little boy was on the seashore. The tide had washed up and stranded many thousands of starfish. They were baking in the sun and dying. The boy picked up a starfish and took it to the waters edge and threw it back into the sea. He then collected another and did the same and so on... An old man watched the boy. Eventually He said "Why are you doing this?" "You cannot hope to make a difference!"

The little boy picked up another starfish and carried it to the waters edge and threw it back into the sea. He walked up to the old man and said " I made a difference to that one!"

We cannot change the world but, by kindness, if we help another human being then we are surely worth it. I am sure in your profession you have helped many!!!

Rob

leckie · Senior Member

hi amanda

you said you dont have the courage to change your career well i'm sorry but have to disagree with you, if some one came up to you and offered you the job of your dreams and you knew you were going to be happy in it and you could make a huge diferance to peoples lives would you take it? if the answer is yes then you do have the courage, its just that fear of the unknown that is stoping you now you feel safe where you are, you just need to take that first step if thats what you want, the first step is allways the hardest

so i think you do heve the courage we all do it took courage to righte your first post but you did it we can all get what we want in time

amanda · Experienced Member

Hi Rob and leckie

Thankyou for what you posted maybe just maybe in time I can use some of the "faith" you have in me to do something for me.

Rob I liked the story I hope others gained from it too but just being selfish here no ones ever told me a story before and I enjoyed it

Take care

Amanda