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ouchzone


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Points of view
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Does anybody else have trouble with 'points of view'


I was taught to see things from the other persons point of view (by the abusive parent who I now suspect really wanted me to see hers). The pressure was so strong to do this I now find it hard to see my own point of view. I see things from a back to front viewpoint. My husband remarked on this ability I have to always 'see the other side' recently. But I think it's causing me some of the extreme problems I have re feeling torn apart.


And I'm so afraid when I speak from the heart that I'll upset someone else when they need support.


ouch



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Raindancer


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Hi OuchZone,

Speaking from the heart is the best thing you can give to someone at times, you just have to learn to trust yourself. I've seen some of your replies to others on the board here...and i've never thought to myself ''Nah she's saying the wrong thing there'', your replies (posts) have been full of compassion for others...and what you write are YOUR beliefs, views, thoughts and opinion. Even if someone disagreed with what you had to write, thats alright, because were all entitled to our own opinions and there's nothing wrong with that. Are you afraid of saying something (that might hurt someone un-intentionally) and then not know how to deal with it? I think what im trying to say is, are you afraid of someone lashing out at you for it?

Trust your gut feeling Ouchzone, because more often than not...when you get that gut feeling about something, you then become aware of what your point of view is. You and your point of view are valid, respected and equally important.

Take gentle care for now,
Raindancer

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claudine


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Ouch


I'm glad to get your replies. I have a hard time feeling like I'm 'connecting' even on this site although I can relate to most of the posts. I focus alot on other points of view also. I guess that's how I ended up a manager at work but I feel like a fraud. It all relates back to the 'mask'. Jane did start a good one there. When you try to talk with other people without the mask, It's all fresh and vulnerable. It makes me insecure too.


c



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ouchzone


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Raindancer


Re: Are you afraid of saying something (that might hurt someone un-intentionally) and then not know how to deal with it? I think what im trying to say is, are you afraid of someone lashing out at you for it?


No I'm afraid of making people feel worse than they did before. Some of us are already on the edge sometimes. I don't want to push anyone over.


I've had it happen when I've been in despair and somebody says something that makes me feel worse. I'd hate to slip up and do it to someone else after all they have to cope with already.


ouch



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ouchzone


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Posts: 104
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claudine


Thanks.


Connecting issues go with abuse/neglect I think. I connect up 'wrongly' I suspect. I never learnt how to do it normally as a child. I had to survive a childhood of exclusion and isolation. The only relative I could connect with safely was deaf so communication was limited. But there have been times when I couldn't connect at all, it's a very desolate state I know but keep talking.


ouch



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