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Frog


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I am Lost! (Could Trigger)
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Hi


AS ever I have so much to say but don't now where to start.....


It's been a rough weekend, my Dad has been in a fouwl mood and I think with me. My mum has been funny with me too all last week.


I get so scared, I usally go out at the weekends on my own just to get out of the house I can't stand the constant depression, the funny looks and the non talking and the strained talk.


I feel trapped and as the winter draws in closer I feel trapped even more confined to the house becuase of the weather and if I go out I get the questions why are you going out in this weather?


I realised today I resent my parents as I have always had to mop up, I needed them and they let me down I was a child and they ignored me and throught of themselves, twisted it so I was in the wrong.


I used to have tatrumes when I was a kid, I was crying out for help and all I got was in trouble for it. I find myself these days when walking around town. I hear the mothers and fathers shouting at they kids, one today the mother said your embrassing me, stop it your embassring me.


The anger that fills me the pain for that child. don't they understand she's a CHILD!


MY father still scares me, when we were kids me and my brother we used t argue, this time it was over my beach ball I loved silly really but it was something I really liked. My father pput a end to the argument by taking a chisal to it, stabbed it three times! He almost hit me once he was wshakking his fist was raised. but he didn't. I often wish he had that way I could have been taken away.


but it's all sicololical, emotinal blackmail, day in day out, and if I don't agree with what my father says and laugh at his jokes I get the reaction I did this weekeend.


This weekend it was what are you wearing that ring for? (I wear a ring on my wedding fingure my firend gave me, only on that fingure as it fits) my dad continued "you don't do it" "whos ring is it" "mine" I said and that was it the whole weekend he hasn't talked to me just grunted, and looks at me with such loathing


All I ever wanted was love, parents I could tust!


I am sorry I can't write anymore it's to painful


Frog



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margaret


Veteran Member

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Posts: 40
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Dearest Frog,
I cannot at the moment give you any decent words to make you feel better but you are so special and I can honestly feel your pain. Please know you are in my thoughts. Your strength to me has been amazing I hope you can take some from me. Sorry I just cannot finds the right words at the moment!
Sending lots and lots of love hope that helps,
Mrgaret x

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michelle


Senior Member

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Posts: 65
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Frog,


Am I correct are you unable to move out of your parents house at this time? I to always wonted love from my parents also.To be totally honest with you now I am not trying to be insensitive.That will never come it does not matter how good you are or what you may accomplish in life. People who abuse are incapable of love thats my view. Moving away was the best thing I ever did. I surrounded myself with people who were capable of showing love.


Your parents try to make you sound like your the one with the problem. Been there to don't believe there lies. I would not allow myself believe my mothers lies. Do you have a best friend?? Mine always brought me great comfort. We all need a best friend.


You have to have some kind of great strength for being able to live there. You defiantly are going to have to get out of there.


Try to surround yourself with as many positive people as you can.


At least you know you are capable of love.


When I hear parents being cruel to there children I just stare at them. Or I start talking really nice to the child.I cannot seem to stand back and let parents be ugly to there children.


Sorry for your pain


Michelle



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amanda


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Posts: 184
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Hi Frog


I am thinking of you and hoping that today may be a little easier when autumn winter sets in I know many of us suffer but for you still to be within your parents household exposes extra difficulties have you no alternatives. all the time you remain you continue to allow them to put you down.


You have to except and even now I struggle with this the one thing you want more than anything is the love of your parents but you will have to learn and except they are most probably not able to give this


Hope you take this the way its meant I know from the support you have given me you are kind and considerate and put others first


Thinking of you


Amanda  



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Frog


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Posts: 135
Date:
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Hi Guys,


I am bowled over by your care and support Thank You, this place means so much to me I feel I can be normal here, my self.


I cannot move out right know finacal difficulties. Plus my parents do try and put me off, which I have to admitt sometimes I do start to doubt myself.


But I will do it when I have alittle more money I need to otherwise I will go insane.


I understand what you are saying, and think you are right I have tryed everything with them bought them expensive meanfull presents for Chirstmas and birthdays, stupid to think it would work but I felt if I got them something they really wanted it would somehow solve things make the relationship better.


No chance, maybe for a short time but then back to the old routine.


I know what you saying is right that it will never happen, I am just scared to upset them I knowthat sounds so weak but, they have done alot for me. Or have they. I don't really know anymore.


It's like everything I was ever tuaght I know question, and I am lost as to who I am, what do I think. I always have my Dads voice in the back of my head telling me what I should do.


Theres me goin on again.


Gibbering away


Thank You You are all amazing


Frog



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When one door closes another one opens
margaret


Veteran Member

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Posts: 40
Date:
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Hi Frog,
God you are not going on at all and i honestly understand your situation,
thinking of you hope you are ok,
Maragret x

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spunk


Veteran Member

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Posts: 31
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Hi Frog,

Sending good thoughts your way. I know how much I wish that I had different parents. I wish you had the kind of parents that you need, as well. They failed us in so many ways, and as their children, we crave love and acceptance. We deserve better.

There are so many good healthy families out there. I find it very comforting to find ways to observe and to notice what is good about family life. It really helps me to cultivate friendships with people that model this kind of healthy family for me. I don't mean by adopting myself into a new family, although I did try that often as a young adult, but rather by learning by observing, and finding comfort in how much I can identify with this healthier way of relating.

Lisa




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Raindancer


Veteran Member

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Posts: 49
Date:
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Frog,


Boy can i relate to what you have said...im still living at home and at times its a nightmare, those constant questions etc etc. I wish for your sake you where able to move out and have your own space. Im hoping this time next year i'll have moved out (when i finish uni and save some more money) so im now counting the days down for both of us, whenever that may be hang in there, it wont be forever



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