I'm lonely and alone .....

liz · Experienced Member

I'm lonely and alone .....

claudine · Moderator

Hey Liz,

I'm right there with you, this has been a tough day for me too. I think we kept missing each other! I posted under neglect!

I kept logging on saying to myself, 'where is everybody?'

Perfect night for an old movie, you think?

c

Frog · Experienced Member

Hi Liz

Frist of all I am reaching out for you and sending a big hug to say your not alone and your ok.

Cluadine to sorry to hear yo had a bad day. and a good movie deffiently!

Liz, try and think of something to bring yourself back to now, my theripist use to tell me to do this, find something that brings you back to your present time now, and it used to help me, and I used to think I would re-write my bad feelings by doing something diffierent, like now you feeling really low, and alone, you may not want to sleep tonight either, so make a plan. I don't know if this will help but it's always helped me.

Hot long Bath,

Wash hair,

Do nails,

Fingures and toes

Make yourself a hot drink and when you come to drink it stop smell, and take the frist sip and feel it warm you up right to your toes!

then check tv guid, for good films, NO BAD FILMS!!!

if not good films then drag out your favourite vidoe, and watch

Then when thats finshed, well don't know I uselly design something like re-decorating and drawing ideas, but you may have over interests, so do something like that.

then I watch the sun raise and feel ok then cos it's a new day and then sleep.

Hope this helps

Take care sending that big hug, and you are going to be fine everything is ok, tomorrow go into your nearest town go to a coffee shop watch the world go by, go and ask questions in cloths shops just to talk to poeple, I do!

Then when you get home now your not alone cos were all here waiting for you , to see if your ok.

Frog

leckie · Senior Member

hi liz

i know how you are feeling tonight am a bit down myself i would give you a big hug if i could reach you but since i cant just wrap your arms around yourself and imagine me giving you a hug and telling you its alright you are loved and people do care your not alone we are all here for you whenever ok

i just had an argument with my son because he doesent want me to be alone with my grand son he doesnt trust me he thinks im crazy and might hurt him but i wouldnt so am not in to good a state just now

so i will just go to bed put on some soft music with the lights out and cuddle up to my teddy as the person i need a cuddle from is not here and i miss her when i am like this

but i know this feeling will pass and thats what gets me through nowing it will go

hope i am not making you worse if i am then i am sorry just want you to know that its not just you it gets a lot of us but as i said it stops

and its good to have a good cry cuddled up to a teddy as they dont tell any one

please take care it will pass leckie

liz · Experienced Member

Thanks to everyone who replied......

It was good to have your messages and they did lessen the acute sense of loneliness and aloneness. Funny isn't it we've all never met and yet I feel closer to you than I do to my husband and some friends. I can be myself here, don't have to pretend I'm something I'm not. Don't have to pretend 'I feel fine' when I don't.

I think this sense of aloneness is deeply embedded. It isn't just a passing feeling. It's a real part of me. And there's something about how I'm never going to find what I'm looking for. This sense of desperation that what I'm searching for remains and will always remain just out of reach.

It's a beautiful, sunny autumnal day today and I need to take our dog for a walk. We'll go to the woods together and that will be fine. she'll be happy to chase all the (baby) squirrels, and maybe their parents too! and maybe there'll be other dogs to run around with. I'll enjoy the autumnal colours, the wind in the trees, the damp, woody, musky smell which is autumn. I'll thank God for His creation and the pleasure that brings me. It will all be fine except deep within there will be this sense of poignancy, of emptiness, sadness.

Thanks for the hugs, for being there - please don't go away.

amanda · Experienced Member

Hi Liz and everyone who was not feeling so bright last night

I am sorry I was not here for you last night and I'm sending you a hug today whilst thinking of you on your walk hope that dog enjoys itself. I always think autumn is a nice time of year its as if nature is safely folding its treasures away awaiting a new awakening in the spring.

I am glad we have found here.

Tale care

Amanda

liz · Experienced Member

Thanks Claudine for posting a reply last night (Friday). I'm sorry you'd had a bad day too.

Your reply made me smile a little though in the end I didn't watch any films old or new. I think I got some of the support I needed partly through people like you - being honest and real and that counts for so much.

Wonder what sort of day you've had? I hope it's been reasonable if not good.

As I said in my last posting I think my aloneness goes back a long long way. The kind that isn't ever solved just by having ocntact with others - though that takes the edge off it. It's a deep pain, ache that I think has been there forever. Sometimes like last night it just feels more overwhelming.

I wish you well on your journey. Liz x

ouchzone · Experienced Member

Hi liz

Re: "What I'm feeling now is something akin to what I felt all those years ago. as a teen-ager. The end of the school week, a long weekend ahead, no-one to share it all with, no-one to care. "

I know this too. I've probably mentioned this before. If I have apologies for repeating myself. Put it down to old age!

I have this bad memory. It was the beginning of half term. I wouldn't have anybody safe to talk to for over a week. The only safe person was my Dad and he was deaf. Wasn't sure how I was going to get through the week. Monday morning got a book to take my mind off the feeling of desolation. Other parent walks in the room and takes one look at me and says in a really fed up voice, "I'm going to live with X" (my brother had a flat in another city miles away). She made it very clear how she didn't want me and did want him (but had always punished me severely for feeling jealous when I was pre school age). I didn't give her the satisfaction of responding. Whatever I said I knew she'd use to tell the social worker what a rotten person I was. I suppose it was awful for her being left in the house with the one she didn't like. After she left the room I got out of there and resolved only to read in my bedroom which had no heating. I'd get under the blanket and take turns to hold the book with each hand. When one went numb I'd swap over.

I didn't know it happened to others as well and I'm sorry it's got you to.

Take care

ouch

liz · Experienced Member

Hi there

Don't know where to post this since its also about the continued absence of my therapist. Whatever.

I'm sorry to be a pain. My day is just deteriorating and I just feel so low. I met a friend for lunch and it was lovely to see her. I just kind of felt disconnected. Even though she knows about my past I didn't want to burden her. I have the best part of a fortnight to go until the therapist comes back. I know I can share some of it here which I guess is what I'm doing.

Wish I could cry and then at least I could gain relief that way. Just feel so naff. Someone who I thought would be there for me isn't. And I feel kind of disappointed and let down.

It somehow feels like I'm just never going to feel better. That what I'm looking for is so elusive, or just not mine to have. And though I've posted for other people that people here care and will support yet I'm afraid that you all will think I'm too needy, and think 'Not liz again'/ .

I hope to God this makes sense to someone. More cyber hugs would be really good.....

Thanks for reading this and 'listening'.

spunk · Veteran Member

(((((((((((((((((((liz))))))))))))))))))))))

Oh boy, it's liz again! Bet she wants a hug, what a great opportunity for me!

lol

Hi liz,

I think that everything you need to be happy in life is inside of you now. It just needs to be nurtured and grown until the sadness and empy feelings are small and pale beside it.

I know that this is difficult to do when circumstances, like your dad's failing health, keep pulling you down. I'm reccommending sad movies this week. Something guaranteed to bring tears. It helps to let them flow, even if you can't connect them with your own problems.

And please keep posting, even if it's just to get a response, to know that someone is out there for you.

Lisa