Inner Child

HAVOCA · Trustee

Inner Child

Sallyjack · Veteran Member

This is an interesting topic, I have used the phrase inner child without having a clear idea of what I meant by it, so here I will try to put it into a more formal view

As I grew up my life was compartmentalized into different sections. Some have been closed off completely (for which I have no memory), and some I have access to. (This is where I start thinking as I write, so forgive me if it sounds like double dutch.) My inner child is one such section, it is the impression I have of myself as a child, with the fears and hurts I experienced, and the messages and lies I was told. These impressions were formed whilst I was a child, and they still serve as the basis for my views of myself. The adult intellectual mind can say all the right things and logically disprove everything, but deep down I know otherwise.

I have recently become aware of another inner part, the internal saboteur. I am still trying to get my head round this one, but the gist of it is that the internal saboteur started off as an internal protector and devised ways for me to stay sane. That protection is carrying on today, but now it is not appropriate and so the protective measures can sabotage the adult part of me. By that I mean that as a child I would disassociate during the worst times. Now in therapy when the topics touch on those times I may start disassociating which is not necessary and can cause problems in other areas such as trying to drive. The protector has become an unwitting saboteur, it is child like in manner as it was formed by myself as a child, and is there to protect the child I was.

If there was no inner child, my views about myself would have changed as my adult logic would have proved the errors of those views. Also if there was no inner child, the internal saboteur would not be needed. Healing cannot come about by intellect and logic only, it is necessary to deal with the views and feelings of the part that was formed when a child, the inner child.

Frog · Experienced Member

My inner child, I used to hate my iner chid thinking she was drty and not wanting to admit sh was there, I wanted to deny her it was to painful to admit she was there I also felt begrudged why is it me again why do I have to look after everyone else, also I felt I couldn't heal her if she was a child she stayed that why and yet I am now older she is stuck in that time suffring over and over again.

But when I excepted she was there and told her hey your ok now, it's all over I got you and your safe. she accelerated and now grows with me. She still gets scared but I pull her back and gain control. now he is a great part of me that I cheerish.

I understand what you mean about disaccotaion I do that alot as well. sometimes after days I feel like I suddenly wake up and feel so alive again and I realise that it was my defence is kicking in.

I am glad of my defence but does also cuase problems as well. more so when at work I forget what poeple say. or reading Ican read a page, look up and not know what I have just rea at all.

Frog

michelle · Senior Member

I have know comprehension of what a inner child is.

I asked my daughter about this she is studying this in college.There are different views on the subject. Pros and cons.

I do not see myself having a child inside me in any pain. So I cannot say it is nonsence or not. It is something I myself have never experienced.

Michelle

Raindancer · Veteran Member

When i first came across the concept of having an 'Inner child' i really struggled to take it in. It was as if i somehow had a mental block that prevented me from understanding the meaning of it, so i just dismissed it as a load of nonsense. My T at the time gave me 'homework', which was to write about a memory (one that i was struggling to move beyond) but before i started writing i had to try and get intouch with my inner child, which meant i had to say 'hi' and compliment this 'child' before i wrote in my journal. The idea of doing that at the time was totally ridiculous and i found that her sugestion stirred up so many uncomfortable feelings within me. She could obviously see this and asked me to to give her the words that where floating around inside me...which where 'dirty' 'hate' 'anger' blame' 'shame', all feelings i wanted to throw at myself for having been that child.

So that started me off, and i felt then as if i was able to understand what the term 'inner child' meant...and how relevant it was (for me) to be able to use this in terms of my own healing. There are times now when i do things, and i feel like a child (times when i want to be childish...and not have the responsibilties that adulthood brings) like running through puddles whilst out walking in the rain, making a mess and enjoying it etc etc. Even though things like this stir up feelings of sadness within me (because i then realise i WAS once a child and robbed of so much) i find it serves its purpose and helps me to move beyond blame at times.

Raindancer

LittleDragon · Member

my inner child is pretty neglected, i know she exists cos at times i get flashbacks and i am her when it happens. i dont have the energy to look after her, i dont have the energy to look after myself most of the time, and she needs me to look after her. my inner child got switched off when i was abused as a child. i sometimes feel as though part of me is stuck as her and part of me grew up, and the part of me that is her surfaces from time to time and its confusing and upsetting, because i didnt have the language or the resources to deal with things then, and when i am her (lol confusing.... sorry) i am so much her that its like the language and resources go again.....

sorry i know what i meant.

i had a therapist ages ago who said that for a week i had to look after my inner child as though she were an actual physical child that i was carrying round with me...

jane · Experienced Member

Im not so sure my inner child is quite so inner(?)

i cant say i know what one is, but i have such childish qualities its ridiculous, i have a good job with responibility but i am such a child.

i crave attention, i endlessly want to please people, so much so that i analyse everything i say to make sure that i didn't say something that could upset. i just want to be loved. aren't these childish qualities, i am petulant, i sulk and if i don't like something, i say so, (but then worry endlessley that i upset someone) not exactly the traits of an adult are they!

as i love to please im not sure who i am, and what i really want myself.

is this my child or am i a pain in the ar*e adult? and is there a scarier version of a child hiding?

child or dreadful adult?

jane

ouchzone · Experienced Member

I missed out on a normal childhood. When I had my own children I played with them like a sister not a mother. I was so pleased the day I made my first snowman for/with my children (& me). I was thirty three. My husband didn't like me behaving this way. I made sand models on the beach, paddled in the sea. I didn't feel I could grow up until I'd done these things. I used to sit with my daughter colouring one page in a colouring book while she did the other. I always asked her which page she wanted first. I'd forgotten this but she mentioned it recently (now 24) and said how much she had enjoyed it. I would switch back and forth between child and mother depending on circumstances. My Dad 'taught' me by example the delights of walking through fallen leaves one autumn. It was the first time I became aware of him going into child mode. It was a bit disconcerting but fun too.

When I seized a chance to paddle in the sea as a teenager my mother did her best to stop me. She said I was childish and didn't deserve to be treated my age (with respect etc). I just wanted to capture something I'd missed. I've known two wives whose husbands missed out on childhood. They did things children do. Both wives thought it was OK. Must be quite common. There's a notice on the games consoles in the children's area at the local hospital - says computers are only to be used by the children, not the parents.

I think it can be very therapeutic.

ouchzone