I found this forum looking for myself.

My partner didn't tell me about it, (she doesn't know - uses another), and I'm not expecting to tell her.  I think it's probably better to get your support and for partners to get theirs in different places.

Hugs (very careful, and non-physical) to all

the Boy

i've told every partner ive had about the abuse (ooo that sounds bad) i figure you've got to sort the wheat from the chaff early on. ive been lucky with the responses ive had, only one or two people have struggled with it, the ones that aren't interested i have no respect for so its not really a big deal. i know that sounds cold but healing is central to my life, i wont do it in secret or let others dictate which path i follow. its a journey im more than willing to share with other people but if they cant handle it they're not for me and im certainly not for them.

yeah ive told my partner about this place too, its tough not to, im using his computer! i didnt get much of a reaction to be honest, he's not bothered about it but then why should he be? i talk to him alot about how im feeling and he copes really well but i realise how licky i am to have that in a partner.

hmm think i may have rambled on...sorry about that

hazel x

segelov,

My partner has recently (in last year) been told about my abuse.  Up untill then i didnt think it was having an effect on me and didnt see the point in bringing all that stuff up!!  I must have been quite skilled at keeping it all locked up.  Im trying very hard to be more honest and open with him about things that happened and also about how things are affecting me daily.  I still have not been able to tell him everything but i hope too someday.  He recently told me that he thought this (abuse) had consumned me and he felt helpless and didnt know what to do.  He's finding it difficult.

I told him about this website and forum about two weeks ago, he realises that i visti here frequently and seems ok with this and also respects my privacy.  He would never visit the site unless i asked him, i dont think he or i would feel comfortable with him visiting this forum or reading my posts. I have had problems with my internet access previously and he has sorted them quickly (quicker than he does any other fixing request from me) because he realise how important it is to me and how supportive i find it.

good post, take care everybody

ellie

 

Hi every one

I suppose the reason that I do not tell my partner about this site is because (and now I am stuck) I do not know why I do not tell him as he knew about most of my past before we even met in the real world, and he has been very supportive and to some extent instrumental in my regaining memory and making sense of some of the episodes in my life.  I am able to talk to him about almost everything that has happened to me. Just one thing that I have kept from him and from every one else, cause it is still too dreadful to acknowledge. He has encouraged me to go look for information about myself and my past, and he is nearly always there when that information hurts too much. He knew that I was emotionally needy from the start, and never once has he told me to shut up etc.  He also took on board a family that included a chronically ill child, and both my girls now acknowledge him as their father (how could I have been so lucky). He knows that I need a few hours on the computer evry evening (well almost) apart from anything the internet is a fantastic search medium as I have found out - I thought that I would meet all sorts of charlatans, and do you know only one person that I have had contact with was such, and thats in 8+ years of searching.

Any way back to why do I not tell this wonderful man that I come here - well because he expects me to keep some mystery is the only answer that I can give at the moment.

Take care

segelov

liz,

hope your ok, only write what you want when you want. no pressure.

we are always here

jane

Thanks Jane for your care

I thought I could write here without any problems and then from nowhere - it seems - the memories of that night are just so present.  

It was the same day as I first disclosed and I felt like I was in shock - probably because I was.  I wanted to read these books but didn't want to read them in secret - because my life up until that point seemed to have been one huge secret.  

Poor man didn't know what had hit him.  And at that point neither did i really.  Yet somehow I expected him to take it in, and support me there and then.  How stupid was that? and certainly very naive. 

To begin with he was ok about it.  Gave me space, didn't want to know all the details and let me be.  Over the next few months the support lessened and he expected me to be 'over it.  

Nearly 4 years on and he is at a complete loss as to why I can't leave it all behind now.  He doesn't ever talk about it and neither do I. - well not to him anyway. 

I have told him about this site.  His reaction was silence.  I haven't expanded.  He can't cope with my past.  Wants the 'old Liz' back and I'm afraid she's gone forever.  Not quite sure yet who will replace her - still working out who the heck I am..... 

That was hard to write - yet I needed to get it out.  Those first days after telling him remain raw. 

liz x

Dear angel eyes

Hey, you're wrong on one count only.  someone - me has just read your posting  and felt very angry on your behalf.  All through your posting it felt like you were saying 'I don't matter'.  Well, you do matter and you matter greatly to all of us here. 

I'm so very sorry that your family cannot acknowledge your pain.  That your past has been like a huge secret.  That must have been so hard to cope with and I can only imagine something of how it must have been for you.  

But please don't think no one cares here - because we do.  There is so much support here.  People care for one another.  Write as little or as much as you want and people will reach out and be there.  You will be heard here Angel Eyes. your pain acknowledged and we will carry on being here for you for as long as you need us to be. 

I hope you can maybe say some more soon

liz x 

 

Hi all
My partner knows about stuff because before we got together we were walking through a park with mutual friends when I suddenly realised that it was THE park from when I was 6. I freaked out and the friends who were there who didnt know, knew after that.
There is a whole lot that he will probably never know though and most of what he knows he found out when I was drunk. I dont get drunk anymore going on four years sober now I think.
He has seen some of my art and writing and counselling homework.
I do tell him some things. I tend to use broken sentences and omit certain words and hope he knows what I'm on about.
I have told my partner about this site but I asked him not to read it and not to come here (and feel guilty because it might have helped him). I am terrified that one day he will find out my username and read my posts. I am scared that he will walk in on me (Like Hazel, it's my partner's computer and it's in his study) and discover my username. Then it will probably be all over. I'll get counselling about it but I might end up having to create a new account or something.
I dont really understand it because most of my posts have been pretty tame compared to what I actually go through. I dont think I've posted anything yet that I wouldnt say to him.
I suppose it's just having the option of being able to say something later on that I dont want those close to me to know yet. Let's face it, you guys understand these things and I KNOW I can post stuff here however I will always doubt whether I should say what I want or need to say to my loved ones.