CLOSURE ON ABUSE

michelle · Senior Member

CLOSURE ON ABUSE

Leila · Member

to be completely honest, i dont think i'll ever be able to. what happened is always somewhere present, it's part of who i am, it reflects in my personality, in my case, every day things.

i believe that i achieved some parts of closure, but as for the full process, i dont believe that it will happen.

-- Edited by Leila at 04:55, 2004-09-18

HAVOCA · Trustee

I'm not sure I'd call my state closure - but I have reached a place where I have totally accepted the abuse and acknowledged the damage it has done. I've now reached a point where I feel totally at ease with myself and I am leading a much more fulfilling life as a result.

I too agree that the healing journey is a life long task, but each step you take gets easier and brings you closer to the light at the end of the tunnel - everytime we think we step into the light we look ahead and see brighter light.

OK - here goes, I know some of you have heard this before, but my favourite analogy for describing the healing journey is to talk about a plot of overgrown land.

One day you decide to sort out the plot and make a go of it. You have no experience or expertise, but buy a few books and visit a few garden centres. One weekend you settle down and attack the huge mess.

The first few days are the worst, really hard work. Cutting back, digging over. Boy, some of those roots go way down. Eventually everything looks brown again, a blank canvas. You start to rebuild, lanscaping here, planting there, sowing lawn seed etc.

After a few weeks you have the starts of a garden. After a few months work you have a beautiful sanctuary.

Every week you need to trim the grass, pull the weeds and tidy the hedges, top up the pond and water features and add paint to the fixtures.

If at any point, if you stop your regular maintenance cycle the weeds soon grown back, the pond becomes green, the flowers die away, the grass grows. After a few weeks it looks untidy, after a few months it looks terrible.

Soon, given a year or too the plot of land will turn back into the overgrown waste land that it once was.

Gardening is very much like healing. We have to do our daily maintenance, our weekly maintenance and our yearly tasks in order to stay on top of things.

But it isn't a chore, its called life and its one of the most beautiful things a person can take part in. So smile, lift your head and concentrate on the positive things. We all make mistakes but we all move forward, looking back is ok - but only take a glimpse over that shoulder - keep facing the right direction and everything will be fine.

Stay safe

Jamie

ouchzone · Experienced Member

Is it OK for somebody else's maintenance to trigger and badly injure another person? 'cos that's what happens to me sometimes (I'm the other person). Bad = non functional for days and stuff I'm not allowed to say.

ouch this is really hurting.

feemarie · Senior Member

Hi,

I agree with Leila I dont think Ill ever find closure completely, my abuse is part of me i guess and has shaped me into the person i am be that good or bad. I am getting to a point now however where im beginning to accept it. I figure i either let it take over my life or i realise i cant change it and accept it. I know i will always have my bad days and bad nights and memories but i also know that the bad times are getting fewer lately and im trying really hard to change the way i look at things and the way i live my life. its all little steps tho but i know im getting there! I think if i do ever feel like ive got closure itll be long after my father is dead and gone.

By the way I love your gardening analogy jamie!

And im sorry you are hurting so much ouchzone. you are in my thoughts.

take gentle care all,

fee

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