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feemarie


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memories haunting me.
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Hi,


Im not doing too well today really. I woke up many times in the night and have had a memory return to me that id forgotten. I keep thinking everythings come back to me already then i remember something else id forgotten and it seems like each time its worse.  will it ever end? i am scared and so alone. each time im starting to feel strong i get jolted back again like someones trying to remind me im weak.  im sorry im being so negative im just having a bad day i guess. how can i get these images out of my head and this pain out of my heart? i feel sick with it. how can i get past this? god im angry. why should this have happened why did i deserve this? it just isnt fair.


sorry but the depression is just overwhelming me today.


fee


x



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Raindancer


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Hi Fee,


Im sorry that your having such a hard day, and i do hope that at some point things settle down enough for you to get some rest. You didnt do anything to deserve to what happened to you Fee, none of it was your fault. I know that you probably feel like you are being weak right now, but your not. Feelings arent a sign of weakness and they are there to serve a purpose. I dont know the details or your past but i can tell already from what you have said that you are hurting, in so many ways we express 'feelings' in adulthood that we werent able to express in the midst of it all.


I was just wondering if you kept a journal? Maybe writing about the surfacing memories would help you (at a time when you feel safe enough to be able to do that). Or could you do something nice for yourself today, not only to treat yourself but it sometimes helps when you are distracted for a short time, enough for you to have some 'time out' from whats going on inside.


Sitting with you (if thats alright) and i do hope things calm down for you


Take gentle care,


Raindancer



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feemarie


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Posts: 54
Date:
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Hi raindancer,


thanks so much for  being there yesterday, im sorry i couldnt reply at the time it was just a very bad day.  Today feels much brighter tho.  I spent a lazy afternoon then watched videos and ate chocolate! naughty i kno but it did help make me feel better.


I dont keep a journal, i used to when i was a teenager but my mother read it and from then on it was sort of tainted, i have been thinking lately about starting up again tho, think im gonna go out and buy a nice big hardback notebook to try and make a start in!


Thanks again for sitting with me raindancer, it meant a lot and helped me through.  I hope i can do the same for you some time!


Take gentle care,


fee


x



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ouchzone


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Posts: 104
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I know this. Want to sleep to escape. Then the nightmares start. Even worse when I wake. Don't want to sleep. Can't function. Slippery slope. Don't know how to deal with it though. Wish I could help. Sorry it's happening to you too. Keep posting. Thinking of you.


ouch



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Raindancer


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Posts: 49
Date:
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Fee you dont have anything to apologise for, im glad that you where able to focus on you and that today things seem brighter.


Thank YOU for letting me sit with you


Sending peaceful thoughts your way,


Raindancer



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