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Frog


Experienced Member

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Posts: 135
Date:
Need Some Advice
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Hi It's Frog again


I need some advice something has been buggig me for awhile and I don't know how to deal with it. it's todo with my ex husband, he used to have a laptop and was connected to the internet, but he would never let me touch his computer if I needed to use it he would finally let me then watch over me untill I had finished what I had to do, he said he thought I would do something wrong with it. he's an RE teacher, went to college with this gay guy (not that I have anythng against gays at all but I mention as it s relevant) this guy mention he wanted to teach in private schools an said about young choir boys. What do I do I have no proof I don't know who he is but also my ex husband concerns me to, I cant xplain it but I just have an awfull feeling OR I could just be bein paranoid. he was always babysitting the kids loved him but it was odd. he was very close to his little niece and just the secrecy arnd the computer. when I told him I had been abused he first didn't really beleive it, then one nig I tryed to tell him what I did remeber and it was taking me time to get my voice to come out and he said, is this going to take long I have work to do. and I know many may not know how to take it but I don't know anyone have any thoughts. he would go out for hours to and I wouldn't know were he was. he followed my a couple of times, I just think maybe hes I don't know, I have a hunch that he may be dangerous to kids, if he is, he's a teacher perfect place, he also wants to teach in a private school were kids bored. I could be totally wrong and if I am I would feel really bad and done him a great injustice, but what can i do before it maybe to late.


Any advice or comments welcome good of bad.


Thanks


Frog



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hazel


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firstly let me say how sorry i am that he reacted so badly to you trying to talk him about the abuse you suffered, ive had some bad reactions too and its a real blow. i guess he couldnt cope with it. but well done you for not letting reactions like that stop you from seeing the truth of it, that it is a big deal.


as for your problem im so sorry i dont know what to suggest, it does all sound rather suspicious but its so hard to say if it is paranoia. though if it were me i would be suspicious and worried. i dont think you're necessarily overreacting but i dont see what you can do at this stage. if he is or intends to abuse a child he wont admit it if you confront him.


do you have a counsellor that you can take your concerns to?


im sorry frog this is a real dilemma and i dont know how to help. the only advice i can offer is that you keep yourself safe because this could bring up so much stuff for you.


Hazel x



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kachariw


Administrator

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Posts: 25
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This is always incredibly difficult and there are no easy answers.


At the end of the day you have to weigh up the value of getting it all completely wrong with the small chance that you might be right.


To me children should always come first.  they should always be protected - if there is a suspicion then you should always try to find out. 


www.stopitnow.co.uk offer advice and information to those who think they might know an abuser.  They also offer help to those who think might be an abuser.


Of course there are other things he might have been doing - online gambling, having an affair, looking at gay porn, writing a private diary...all these things are other options he might have been trying to hide - or he might have been an extremely personal guy.  Howevere if you have any doubt, for the sake of the children it's always best to be on the cautious side. 


If I was being abused as a child and someone had their suspicions I'd want them to take it further.


I'm sorry you find yourself in this predicament.  My best advice would be to look into the link above and see what information they have for you.


Take care and I hope all goes well,


In support


Jamie



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amanda


Experienced Member

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Posts: 184
Date:
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Hi Frog


So sorry you have this worry and don't really have any good advice but I just wish someone would have taken the step to protect me when I was young.


Take Care


Amanda 


 



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Frog


Experienced Member

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Posts: 135
Date:
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Dear All,


 


Thankyou for your help, and advice and support I really do appricate it. thankyou jamie for the link you suggested I will look there, I agree with you I would do anyuthing to stop it if I was right but I am prepeared to risk it becuase if I am right i could save this from happening to a child.


Just a short messeage as i want to check this website out Thank you again


Frog



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ouchzone


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Posts: 104
Date:
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Re: when I told him I had been abused he first didn't really beleive it, then one nig I tryed to tell him what I did remeber and it was taking me time to get my voice to come out and he said, is this going to take long I have work to do.


That kind of response is really awful. It's the worse way to treat someone. Just to let you know I'm glad you've found a safe place to talk. Also I have enormous trouble with my speech too. I've had some really bad responses, not being believed, impatience, indifference, hostility, aggression, scornful, despised etc. But so far* my GP is the best. Even when he's really busy he leaves me space to get the words out. Do you find writing it easier?


*the subtext here is that my trust lasts one day at a time. or sometimes from minute to minite if I'm with somebody and talking or trying to. I'm always prepared to lose it again.


ouchzone



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Frog


Experienced Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 135
Date:
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Hi Everyone


Thankyou Ouchzone for you reply, it means alot to have support from all you guys here its such a great place to come and be myself.


I have some news reference my post, I went onto the website that Jamie suggested (thank you for that) and I sent them an email, I received an email back today and they have ask me to call them so they can discuss it further, I feel bad that I could be so totaly wrong but I feel I have to do this just in case. I just thought I would let you all know.


Thankyou once again for you support


Frog



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