How i came to be here. *may trigger*

feemarie · Senior Member

HAVOCA · Trustee

Hello and welcome!

The board is still very new, just two days old! Hopefully between us we can build a huge supportive resource for survivors of abuse.

I understand you have issues regarding your past. I can tell you from my work with HAVOCA that there are thousands of people out their like us, survivors, so you aren't alone!

I'm not sure how long you've been treading the healing path, but whether you have just started or been wandering for a while now, you are amongst friends and you are very welcome.

Jamie

Growing roots and wings · Veteran Member

Feemarie,

Thanks for starting off this section. My abuse wasn't sexual, but I share many of your feelings. I think I'll 'borrow' your idea and put a similar post in one of the other sections.

I hope you can find help, and a safe harbour, here.

rob · Veteran Member

I sympathise with you. I am only coming to terms with my abuse after denying it for over 30 yrs. I hope I understand how you feel. Your feelings you expressed say how I too feel. I have tried other websites for support from those who know andor understand. I feel let down by the other sites. HAVOCA, I have found is now a great source of help for us survivors and this forum (I hope) will provide welcome support, care and friendship for all who will eventually come here.

Well done HAVOCA and well done and courage to all those that are brave enough to post.

Joy2meU · Newbie

quote:

Originally posted by: feemarie
I was abused by my father til i was about 11. - I still see him unfortunately and have never done anything about what happened. My mother knows but has also never done anything and is still with him. I continue to live the lie as i figure its easier than the alternative. I am lonely, angry and hurting so bad. sickened by the memories too. I hope to make some good friends here

Hi Fee, it is so brave of you to post on this board. I wasn't sexually abused, so I don't really know what you are going through.

From your message I get the impression that you are putting on a brave face and inside it hurts so bad. Does it hurt that your mom is still with your dad? (I think so). Keeping all this bottled up and keeping the family secret must be so hard for you.

I hope you make friends here, you sound like a wonderful person. Please post when ever you need someone to talk too.

Take care

Joy2meU

spunk · Veteran Member

Hi Fee,

I am sorry that you don't see a better alternative right now, other than "living the lie". I understand, though. It took me years to be able to acknowledge fully what was done to me, and I never was able to hold my father fully accountable for what he did. He died with the lie more or less intact.
Or at least his denial intact.

It's so important to have support, to use whatever resources you can to help yourself. I'm glad that you're here, and I hope that you find some part of what you need for your healing.

Lisa

liam · Newbie

Wanted to reach out to you and say I have some sense of what you might be experiencing.
I was abused by my brother and later a priest. I too didn't do anything about it until I tried to commit suicide and then realised i needed help.
After a long time in therapy I managed to raise the issue with my family ,my brother and the school.
I have now distanced myself from my family and have little or no contact with them as they refuse to discuss my or the family past.
I was able to obtain an apology and closure I think on the priest issue.

There are lots of organisations out there started by survivors for survivors which you might find useful, it may depend on where you live whether it's possible to attend groups etc.
Most of the leading books about surviving or recovering from sexual abuse will have a "help or useful orgs" section in the back.
If you put "sexual abuse surviors" in a search engine on the web you may get some useful contacts.

I have used all of the above and it can be tiring and triggering to do this sort of reaching out but I found it worthwhile in the end.
I hope this helps.

Liam

hazel · Veteran Member

hi fee,

just wanted to let you know that i think your being really brave, the situation your in is a really tough one but it looks like your starting to do things to move forward (like coming on here) and thats great.

i was sexually abused too and one of the really important things ive learned is to be kind and gentle with myself and not give myself a hard time for the things i haven or haven't done. i guess what im saying is take it easy on yourself and go at your own pace.

i hope the forum helps you feel less alone, looks like you've got quite a few people rooting for you here.

big hug x

feemarie · Senior Member

Just wanted to say thanks to all of you for your caring and supportive comments and for taking the time! This is still all new to me so forgive me for not always knowing what to say, Just know that I appreciate you all so much, Its wonderful to feel so accepted,

Thanx again,

Gentle care n hugs 2 u all

fee

x