Therapy

HAVOCA · Trustee

Therapy

2Qwirky · Newbie

Hiya everyone!

I had 8 weeks counseling NHS referred. It wasn't ver good at all. I got a trainee counsellor who sat there with a poker face, (while I sat there wishing somone on the face of the earth could help me.) It was an ordeal to get in the door each time, but I went cos I was desperate for help cos of what i thought were me going crazy. Oh yeah, and then she asked if it was ok if she tape recorded me. I agreed at the time, but I wish I hadn't because I dont know where the tape went, or what it's being used for.

I would like some therapy that helps so Im reale interested to hear what everyone thinks. I think I'd like somthing creative..... I might like to meet with other suvivors..

For now, I'm talking to a very very fab friend, (who has had some counselling training) and I am geting a lot out of it.

Melanie · Newbie

Hi there everyone

I've not really had any therapy .. because its too expensive to go private and I always thought the NHS option would be a waste of time. Particularly if they limit you to a x number of weeks ... thats not how it works at all. I know people who have had therapy for years and although they have made progress thoughtout continue to need it.

I found out about a free therapy group a little while ago .. I went for an initial 'assessment' session but haven't heard anything since and its been over two weeks. I guess I'll have to make polite enquiries ... they said they would get back to me before now after they had found an appropriate therapist for me.

Take care all

Melanie

amanda · Experienced Member

I have tried a lot of different therapies and therapists over the years as I have struggled but about a year ago I was introduced by a psychiatrist to a knew therapist who is experienced in Cognitive Analytical Therapy (CAT) On the whole I have progressed well some major hic ups but tremendous support at all times with great respect for who I am. It has been paid for by my firm and for that I am grateful otherwise I would still be relying on the NHS

Take Care

Amanda

feemarie · Senior Member

i have never had any therapy as ive never been sure how helpful it would be! I am interested in hearing peoples experiences tho' good and bad. My boyfriend tells me i should go and i probably need a push!

Take gentle care every1!

Fee

HAVOCA · Trustee

Feemarie

I had therapy for about a year. It was extremely helpful. I can't stress enough how useful it was. At first I took some convincing that I needed to go, I bought lots of self help books and thought I could deal with my issues using that. Eventually I bit the bullet and booked an appointment.

I thought I'd have trouble talking to a complete stranger - but actually when I got there that made it easier. It took a year for me to feel I'd reached a point where I could leave and continue to grow without the help of therapy, but if the truth be known I could have left earlier or stayed on later. There isn't a set period of time it takes. You and your therapist will know when the time is right.

From my experience with HAVOCA, I know that a lot of people take time to find the right Therapist. When you go for your first assessment meeting, you should be looking to see if you like them, think you can trust them, and if you like their approach. You are never forced to stay with the first therapist you choose. Shop around around you find one you like.

Some people don't have the luxury of paying for a therapist, although most private therapists will do concessions for low income families. In the UK if you go to your GP you usually get 'stuck' with an NHS therapist for a period of twelve weeks. After this time you are assessed again to see if you will benefit from extra counselling. I say 'stuck' because you don't get a choice, this isn't always a bad thing, and although one person here has had a bad experience, it doesn't necessarily follow that everyone will.

In conclusion, therapy works well for some and not so well for others. The healing journey can take many different paths. But if you don't give it a go you'll never know.

Take care and treat yourself gently,

Jamie

spunk · Veteran Member

I'm not sure what kind of therapy I'm having, I'll have to ask! lol!
Actually my T is using a cognitive/behavioral approach, if that's the right way of saying it. He's a licensed clinical psychologist. I have PTSD, among other problems.

My therapy has transformed my life within the last two years since I started. I struggled for years to try to deal with my past, abuse issues, bad relationships and self-destructive behaviors.

I went through a long period of struggling with flashbacks, intrusive memories, etc, on my own, for years. I tried to change a live-long pattern of forming unhealthy, abusive relationships, without much success. I did make progress, lots of good progress, including distancing myself from my dysfunctional family, I went back to school, did well, earned a masters degree, and obtained a wonderful job that I loved, but I still feel into the pattern of abusive realtionships, and also started to feel the pull back towards involvement with family. That's what finally sent me into therapy, realizing the level of self-sabotage working within me.

In two years my life has turned around in ways that I love. I have learned basic ways to set boundaries, keep myself safe, and relate positively to people, in ways that don't invite or create abuseive relationships. I am happy in my home and at my job, and am gradually learning how to form better, safer friendships. My T has taught me so much, much more than I could have accomplished on my own, without therapy.

It isn't easy, and I have had to accept some limitations within myself that I don't like, but I am also learning to adjust to who I am, to cope with these aspects of myself that I may not like but cannot change, to adjust so that I am not hurt by these limitations.

Thanks for asking!

rob · Veteran Member

I suppose I could concider myself very lucky. I tried the NHS approach but found this dissappointing. I was one "in the system" which was grossly overworked and under resourced. I could not talk to my few friends because of my defense systems that I had built up (I concider myself a hedgehog-if you know what I mean). My partner specialises in psychology and also knows what it is like to be on the end of abuse in reality also. She will not directly deal with me like a "client" due to the emotional ties but has guided me through seeking help. She has helped me overcome my mistrust of others by shadowing me through the process. This is very unique and I have found the counselling really useful. I wish everyone could have the support that I have had but alas, I know my situation is probably a "one-off." I can only stress that counselling with someone whom you can trust does eventually albiet slowly work. The emotional pain will hurt but the eventual rewards are brill!

Can I also add that this website and the resources it offers were and are a great source of support and, at times, comfort.

Sallyjack · Veteran Member

I have been through through different systems in my therapy.

Initially it was with a cognitive behavioural therapist in the NHS. Her case load was far too large as she was only able to see me once every 3 weeks and occasionally only monthly, which I found very difficult to deal with. This time between sessions and my resistance to that particular type of therapy meant that I did not gain from this, and finished feeling sure that I could do better by myself. How wrong I was.

My next attempt started with the counsellor at the surgery, who told me outright that she would not be able to help me sufficiently in the 8 week period she would be able to offer, and referred me to a private counsellor.

This was when I had to start to pay, but the sessions were weekly. Still it was not "right", but not knowing of a possible alternative I stuck with it. I did learn that I could talk about my experiences and be believed. The counsellor moved away and it was arranged I would continue with her supervisor.

The cost went up, but fortunately I am on a reduced fee. This was probably the best thing that could have happened for me. I found out that in my area she is the only therapist who has the right training for the issues I have, and even now I know she is updating her knowledge because of the information I am remembering. She has the support of a very experienced supervisor, and colleagues, which means that what she does not know at the time, she finds out very quickly. and passes that back to me.

I have found out over time that for me I feel the need to remember what happened in the past, as I have few memories of my childhood, and a general feeling of things not being right is now not enough. My therapist is helping me to sort out so many things, sorting out the past, present and future, my feelings or rather lack of them, and my thoughts as irrational as they may be. Exploring the unknown and unthinkable with me, supporting and helping me to see the abnormal, and guiding me in what is normal. Encouraging me to see the irrationalities and perverseness of abuse and its affects, teaching me to see what is abusive and to be able to recognise it for myself, as well as showing me where is has been around in the past. Along with all the other ways she supports my healing.

As for remembering the past, I'm still waiting. Only knowing the abusive way I was brought up by my parents, with strong indications that something else may be there hidden away in the deepest recesses of my mind and those memories may be too painful to even emerge now. I do know that if the memories come back then I will not be alone in dealing with them, my therapist is only human and may react to hearing about them but she will never to reject me because of what happened. My family have had difficulty in accepting what I have told them about my childhood, as the public image did not reflect in any way the actual events in the home, so I cannot talk to them initially about any memories.

Therapy is not an easy option, having been abused in the past and not talked about it I am now having to do just that. Having as a child found coping mechanisms of my own, I am now having to learn a completely new way of living, and not relying on the old ways. It is difficult, and slow, but worth sticking it out. I have a long way to go, but my hope is to be able to live a life without unnecessary or inappropriate fear.

hazel · Veteran Member

ive had quite alot of therapy, some good some bad. i would recommend person centered therapy but its a very individual thing. maybe the most important thing is to have a definate idea of what you want out of therapy and to take control of the counselling. you're in the driving seat, its your healing process so you should feel able to go in the direction you want. i found self help books like 'the courage to heal' were really usefull to use alongside therapy, i also went to a self help group so for me it was a mixture of things that i used to recover. i dont think any of them are that affective on their own. x

michelle · Senior Member

I beleave if there has been a person to ever benefited from theraphy it is me .I did not seek therapy for the abuse I had suffered as a child .It was other issues I had in my life at the time.I always beleaved that if I did not think about the abuse because that was in the past I must be cured.Little did I know.

Then I learned a lot of things I was experiencing in my life guilt and trust just to name a few. were associated from the abuse I suffered as a child.

Thearapy has answered a lot of the questions for me .My therapist has been the first person I have truly trusted.I still go to day I love it.

I highly recommend therapy to any one but also you have to find a therapist you are comfortable with.I my self have chosen a man therapist because I tend to trust men more sence my abuser was my mom.

I hope this answers someones questions who may be considering therapy.

Michelle

leckie · Senior Member

hi

i have really only had a six week councoler but she wasnt qualified enough to deal with the amount of abuse i went through but she delt with other issues like my lying to keep people out of my life and she did actually listen to me when the sexual abuse topc came up thats all i kneeded then was someone i could trust and listen to me and it helped me a lot in the six weeks i could feel a differance in the way i was feeling and dealing with things that hurt

i am still waiting to see a proper therapyst at the hospital but hopfully i wont need it when or if it comes i am at the moment talking to a vicar he just listens and doesnt judge i am not religios i just got myself in a bit of a state one night and sat on the church steps he asked if i was ok obviosly i wasnt thats how i started talking to him

so to me a therapist doesnt have to be a medical person, someone you feel comfotable talking to and they listen and care i found can be the best therapy

take care leckie

Sue · Veteran Member

With the age of 2 years and 7 month,it was June I was sexually abused upto the end of August. I remember quit well I did not cry I just stoped speaking and playing and my grandfather noticed and asked me why am I sad? I told him I can not say anything but please do not let my Aunt force me to go to that place with that man alone. He took me to the mountains and we waited for a dear or a goat and he promised me he will never hurt them and hunt again. 40 years passed and since then I am suffering with Migraine. You name the doctor or the country he or she is in, I've been with. Nothing helped. I live in Vienna- Austria since 5 years. I was lucky to find a Neurologist-Psychiatrist who specialised in Migraine. with what he calls ups and downs of my husband's mood he asked him to have sessions to find out why my migraine is uncontrolable. When my husband consulted another psychiatrist saying that mine is on my side all the time, he came back telling me I have bpd. Searching the net I read a lot and one point stoped me ABUSE. I studied children's psychology to understand me. I combind it with art education to express myself and try to understand me. I've been always told that I passed the line of intelligence to crazyness and weiredness. But I started to remember a bit by a bit of the abuse. My psychiatrist says I could cope by supressing all the memories but all the phobias I have due to it. When I take big decissions i consult my therapist and discuss them with him. i take a session every 2 to 3 weeks. I am insured with my husband and I pay 120 euro per month for the insurance. Because of the migraine, psychiatry treatment is included. Depression is the main thing now but I feel better now that I told the story to you and you will not judge me. My husband just said that add to the fact that prooves I am sick nuts. I do not mind. I hope I did not give you headache but what friends are for. Thank you

Sue

spanglemaker · Veteran Member

Hello

Thanks for raising the subject of therapy - it's one that I am working on myself. Over the years I've been to several therapists ranging from the downright nasty (a so called counsellor who sexually abused me) to a more mature and aware survivor who herself had worked through the healing process. For the past year I have been working with a male therapist again - a difficult choice, perhaps a case of facing my demons. He has not always been perfect, no therapist is, however, he has helped restore my faith in the more postive side of human nature - that being a willingness to bear witness to my pain,anger and sorrow, and not to reject me or treat me as less of a person because of the things that have happend to me in the past.

At aged 38 I still have times when I feel a profound loneliness - there are some experiences that are too difficult to share with even the closest of friends. Finding a really good therapist who I can open up to is such a precious gift. What is most important in choosing a therapist is to make sure they have enough training, have worked with adult survivors before and that they have regular supervision. They will be growing and learning as well that way. The specific approach that they take is more of a personal choice and not as important as the quality of, and trust you have in the therapeutic relationship

That said, I do find the financial cost of individual therapy a huge strain. Perhaps the kindness and support of fellow survivors who are now thriving and making the best of life can also be very healing. Supervised group therapy sounds like a good idea. Has anyone here tried it? Or would anyone like to start a group?

Love and light

Spanglemaker ****