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Post Info TOPIC: What it's done to me and what I will do
Lark


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What it's done to me and what I will do
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I keep getting told by counsellors and well-wishers that I'm lucky because I was never abused by my immediate family so I always had a safe haven. That's true I dont deny it but it brings a whole host of other problems- I just cant participate in the wider community.

There were so many different abusers in so many different situations but never at home. I think that's why I cling so hard to staying at home and not joining in and doing anything with my life.

I dont work, I dont see my friends face to face, I dont study. It doesnt help that I am soo tired.
I feel I've been completely robbed.

When I think of trying I get so scared. I panic if anyone shows an interest in me. Is it paranoia if what you are scared of has actually happened?
I get so sad sometimes.

Usually I can be positive. I've even been thinking about doing a short-course in something next year with my counsellor's help but just thinking about it makes me tremble. What if people want to make friends with me- or worse, what if they pretend to want to be friends with me but have horrible things in mind like before and before that and before that etc.

I guess that's what the counselling will focus on from when I go back next month to when the courses are due to start. I wonder if I can prepare myself in three months?!
Does it sound like a good first step forward?

Lark


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Raindancer


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I actually think its unfair that people are saying this to you, its like saying 'thank your lucky stars it could have been worse' and doesnt help you right now, nor should it have such an effect where you start to minimise what you did have to go through. I think this one has hit a soft spot within me so i hope thats not coming across on you (because its not you) its just sometimes people say things that are so insensitive sometimes, or at least thats how im perceiving it.


''Is it paranoia if you are scared of what has actually happened?'' I think there's an element of fear there which is understandable. If its a situation that feels similar to you and triggering, then yes, its going to bring up fear, avoidance. Even though its a coping mechanism it could be one that is holding you back and sometimes one of the ways to work on that is to walk right through the fear (which i know words make sound easier than actually doing it). Nor would i suggest doing it alone, you would need the support of your T etc to help you...but it seems you've already discussed this with your T and maybe going to do a short course.


Yes it does sound like a good step forward if its what you want to do


I started to develop this fear of meeting new people, making new friends...for a whole host of reasons and never thought i would be able to make progress in that area. I do think i have though, i now have some friends both In real life and online that have become such a blessing in my life (so much so that it is now real life for me) and each day those friendships grow stronger. Its something i hope you are able to work on because i know how much i have received from those friendships and have been able to give also. There have been some, yeah, i've been biten by and its made me want to shy away again...but its like everything, there is always good and bad and it wont always be smooth sailing but i feel more prepared.


Ok so im waffling, will you let us know how it goes and what you decide on? That is if you want to share with us, i'd like to keep up on how your doing with this, even be there for you if you needed me to be.


Take gentle care for now,


Raindancer



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leckie


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hi all


i agree with raindancer how dare anyone say that you are lucky f**k it doesnt mater who the abuser was it still f**ks you up in the same way still have the same fears, anger, hatred, and confution going on inside you and the bigest thing is the way we feel worthless and blame ourseves for what happened sorry


take care


john



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ellie


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Lark,


I think that if  you are seeing cousellers who are telling you that you were lucky not to be abused by your immediate family then find a different one.  Ive never heard so much c**p in all my life, agreeing with john it doenst matter who the abusers were it hurts all the same. Any experienced trained couseller should know that and not trivialise or minimise your personal experiences. 


As for well wishers they are not professionals and say stupid things through ignorance, emabarressment and lack of understanding. 


Lark, it sounds like a really good step forward doing a short course. Hopefully it will focus you on your studies and help to build your self esteem.  Unless you try it you dont know what it will be like and what you may be able to achieve, this is obviously a step in the right direction and is a realistic goal.  Do some work with your couseller about how to feel safe if people approach you as this seems to be your greatest fear. Keep us informed.


Take care and thinking of you


ellie


 



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Lark


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Thankyou so much Raindancer, Leckie and Ellie. I cant believe how wonderful everyone is here- I've gone all mushy with appreciation.

I just got out of bed and I'm still as enthusiastic as I was yesterday about taking the step and doing a course so I guess I'm really going to do it!

I want to thank you all for your support and I will definately keep you all updated- I'm not going anywhere!
I am so touched Raindancer, that you would like to be there for me and I would be so glad if you are. I admire so much that you are keeping friendships and getting through the rougher waters.

I wish everything was smooth all the time but I know that's not real life!

I've had some rubbish counsellors. Some were actually psychologists and psychiatrists. My first one at the crisis centre was brilliant then there were several that I shouldn't have bothered with before I met my last one. It makes me so angry that a good T (as everyone calls them!) is so hard to find. I just think of all those poor people out there who try so hard to go to one and then get one that doesnt quite know what they are doing and so are put off for good. It really does take time to find a good one and one that you are comfortable with.

I had to stop going to my last one as the one hour sessions were too long- so were half hour sessions. My chronic fatigue was getting so bad I got to the point where I couldnt manage the trip there and I know now I should have asked for telephone sessions!

I probably wont get her back as she was the youth counsellor and I was 24 then- just young enough to see her but now I'm 26 I suppose I'll be seeing someone else! It would be great if the rules were that you see the one you first saw no matter how old you get- guess I'll find out!

Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Raindancer Leckie Ellie

Lark




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ouchzone


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Hi Lark


I felt angry when I heard your T said you'd been lucky. They should stop paying them!


I think your courage shines through. You never know what you're capable of until you try it. I'm glad you're positive about the course.


You're not being paranoid. These fears are understandable. Believe in yourself - easy to say and hard to do but please keep trying. I still have to get to know people slowly but I think because of my advancing years I feel safer with acquaintances. When I was younger I was very cautious. Keeping an open mind and being aware that people may have ulterior motives will help to protect you somewhat.


Please keep us posted. Good luck


ouch



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Lark


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Thanks Ouch
In a few hours I'll be making the first phone call to my doctor to get the referral to go back to my counsellor. I'm trying not to tremble- the new forum is a great distraction! I'm going to do it though. Not think- just act.

I do believe in myself - sort of! Sometimes it feels like I'm just going through the motions or worse that I'm nothing but usually I really do believe in myself and I know the times where it feels strange to will slowly disappear until I always feel worthy and strong, independant with rights like everyone else!

Lots of cheerfulness to you Ouch



Lark

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