psycho or somatic

ouchzone · Experienced Member

psycho or somatic

spanglemaker · Veteran Member

Hello Ouchzone

I felt I wanted to write because so much you said struck a chord with me too.

What you have been through sounds dreadful - and to be blackmailed in that way is quite appauling. You are not alone with the speech issue though, this happens to me as well. Although it has improved over the years I still feel so ashamed when I have this difficulty.You are the first person who I have been able to share this with - you can understand the direct link with the abuse/neglect. When I was younger I felt even more isolated because of this. Perhaps that is why I went in for the visual arts at college?

It's such an easy way out for us to be labled as 'crazy'. I now do not believe we are or ever were. It is those who ignore us and the cause of our suffering as children that deserve that label.

Re. the pain and doctors not 'getting it' - the medical system in this country has a very long way to go. Don't you think that because they put our pain down to being 'all in the mind' that it is treated as being less real. Still I too have much pain often in my hips/legs/lower back. I've tried the usual routes on the NHS, and gave up. What helped for me was something called Alexander Technique - this works with mind as well as the body, and is the closest thing I have found that helps lessen the pain.

I wish you well in your search

Spanglemaker

Lark · Senior Member

Hi Ouch
This is a tricky problem bacause most doctors dont like to be told how to do their jobs and if we ask them to look again or stand up for ourselves we are being 'difficult' or 'non-compliant'. The only thing I can suggest is to look around for an open-minded doctor who will let you make most of the decisions.

ouchzone · Experienced Member

Hi spanklemaker

Glad I could help. The speech problem started like this. I became upset because of the abusive parents behaviour. I tried to talk about how I felt and she flew into a rage and shouted at me in effect to shut up (can't remember exact words) over and again. Then I got solitary confinement for hours sometimes I think for the rest of the day. She sounded as if she hated me. I was probably less than three when this started. I'd just begun to use speech to try to solve problems. This happened many times. After a few months I realised I was finding it difficult to talk when upset. Then after a few more that I could no longer produce spech at all whenever anything distressing occurred. Like you it has improved over the years by a lot of effort and some very patient listeners. It is very embarrassing and with most people I won't risk it. I'm sometimes in mid sentence and my speech goes completely. People don't know why. Other times I stammer badly. I didn't have a general speech problem and my parents didn't know about the speech as unless it was likely to come out perfectly with no traces of emotion it wasn't safe to talk. I can remember all this vividly. That's how I know it was the rages that did it. I also cannot cope with people shouting or arguments. I got shouted at trying to get into work yesterday. The gatekeeper came out and yelled at me to pull the gate open when I was already trying too. He was so aggressive. I notice other people just swear in those sort of situations. I feel terrible for hours. People imply blame on victims by saying 'why don't you stand up for yourself'. That's impossible without being able to rely on being able to speak. I was always taught I was wrong. Blamed for my brother's bullying. He enjoyed trying to make me feel angry. I was terrified he'd succeed then she would fly into one of her rages with me. When I was in my teens she said I was bad inside (my words again, her message) because I bottles things up and didn't talk about them. One time after this I tried to talk again and she did exactly the same thing as before!

The pain was sinusitis. For some people this can be severe. One woman said she thought she was having a brain hemorage because she'd never had it before and didn't know what was wrong. Unfortunately my GP had it mildly.

Sorry it's been so difficult for you too.

Hi Lark

Thanks. I'm afraid of making doctors angry. As you say they don't like to be told stuff even though they need to learn too. I still can't handle people getting angry. I go to pieces. Then get labelled a wimp. But people don't know where I'm coming from. None of this treatment happened to my brother. He and his mother loved conflict while I was trying to avoid it. They loved to win. It wasn't safe to make them angry, I had to be so careful but they were being deliberately provocative.

ouch