Please Help

jem · Veteran Member

Please Help

spanglemaker · Veteran Member

Hey Jem

what a s**t thing to have happened for you, and on top of it all you have all that difficult stuff to deal with at work. I'm not sure what to say, but you are very much in my thoughts. When these things happen I know they can really knock you for six. So do take loads of good, gentle care of yourself - you too deserve support.

Spanlgmaker

Raindancer · Veteran Member

Jem i am sorry for all you are going through right now, i know how i have felt at times when i have seen one of my abusers in the street...it caused me great pain and i too couldnt think of anything else other than what had happened to me as a child. I hope your not angry at yourself Jem, and i only say that because at the time i was directing some of my own anger inwards, thinking that i should have been able to approach them and say what it is i really wanted to say. When something like that happens its a big shock to the system, please be gentle with yourself.

As for going back to work, i wish you didnt have to go back...but what your going through, ok, it is different from some of the things happening to your work collegues BUT that doesnt make it any less significant and i hope your not treated that way at work. I'll be thinking of you today, i only wish there was something i could say that you might be able to take with you and for it to make it somewhat easier. Let us know how your day goes, that is if you want to share...you have friends here who care.

Sending good safe thoughts your way,

Raindancer

Lark · Senior Member

Hi Jem
That is so hard. The feelings and memories just being raw again are horrible. I really feel for you. I hope things have settled down somewhat- and they will eventually and I guess you wont feel so raw each time and hopefully with time it will get easier. I cant really say I know that. One of the people I cant see lives between two of the closest people to me so

I try not to let it affect what I do and so should all of us as hard as that is.
It will get better, easier, eventually. At least a little bit.
It's great that you're going back to work- you may be surprised and feel better for it. I'll have my fingers crossed for you.
Lark

ellie · Senior Member

Hi jem,

im sorry you had all these visual reminders and triggers yesterday, it sounds like a really awful day. then you were left to deal with the after effects, why they went on the merry way. makes you sick doesnt it.

Were you looking forward to going back to work until that incident? or has it just brought everything crashing down again? I understand what mean about the work situation, i feel the same. Nobody at work knows but i feel as though im falling apart inside and im expected to be supportive and understanding to colleagues who have just returned from maternity leave and are finding it hard! Sometimes i wish i could be brave enough just to tell one person i trust, but cant. I had a friend/colleague who had a family bereavement but everybody knew why she was upset and needed time to get over it, she could also say this without feeling guilty or ashamed. How are we supposed to do that and get the support from our colleagues if we need it (i work in the nhs aswell, seems there the worst!)

You could go into work today and see how it goes, if its just too much then go back to you GP. You obviously enjoy your job and are very competent and confident although i can understand why you may feel unsettled after six weeks off work. Jem when i went back to work after a short break i get myself into a right state but just think that you are able to do this, you have done this before hundreds of times, this is what you are trained for. But please be gentle on yourself and reassess, thats what we do all the time.

Take care and thinking of you, let me know what happens.

ellie

amanda · Experienced Member

Hi Jem

I am thinking of you and hope today was not too truamatic. People are not good with mental health issues full stop but when the cause is child abuse the shutters come down even faster.

I am so sorry you were put throught hat on Monday and feel totally helpless. It opens the already raw wounds

I get so that each day we suffer because of what happened and they walk free

Let us know how you are

will be thinking of you

amanda

Jem
for you

numb · Veteran Member

Jem

I am so so sorry this happened to you just as you are about to return to work. As others have said if this has knocked you and you need further time off take it. Your illness is just as valid as anyone elses you are important and you are looking after yourself. It makes me mad that mental illness is seen as a weakness and something that is not accepted. I feel we need to make a statement on mass to make the world realise the damage that has been done to us by others.

I can understand a little of what you must have felt like when you saw him - one of my a b** is in this country at present and trying to ......sorry I cant talk about it.

Just want to say take gentle care and let us know how you are doing

Numb

liz · Experienced Member

Jem

Glad you felt able to post - and share some of this agony. You must feel raw all over again as if the wound has been torn open once more.

Oh Jem, what a devastating thing to happen - especially the day before you were due to return to work. How could you be anything BUT angry?

You mentioned that you were crying inside - I just wondered whether you've maanged to release some of that pain through tears. It may help just to let it out. (though I can't speak from experience on this one).

I wonder too whether there is anyone there for you who you could share some of this with. This forum is here for you and you can come here as often as you like and there will be people here for you but equally I think we need people who are physically there for us. Someone who can see the whole Jem. You don't say whether you are receiving any therapy - I wonder whether this might help.

Words are all very well - I feel I'm not doing a very good job here.....

I'd rather hug you instead - is that ok?

(((((((((((((((((((((Jem))))))))))))))

liz x

jane · Experienced Member

jem,

that must have been totally sh*t today, i couldnt imagine what state i would be in seeing "him"

if you need, take more time off, you are important, always remember that.

i dont have much, but sending you my strength

stay safe

jane

Frog · Experienced Member

Hi Jem,

First I want to say well done, your anger and tears is good although it feels awful it's a good and postitive step to healing. let yourself cry my counseller once told me that we have to in a sense greave for that time. This sounds so cold hearted I don't mean it to, just wanted to reply as thought this might help but still can't get my words out properly.

take care

Frog

spunk · Veteran Member

Hi Jem,

I'm sorry you went through that, seeing him again. I think that it's almost impossible for us not to be re-traumatized in the presence of our abusers. All the feelings from the abuse are stirred up within us again.

I'm glad that you can realize that what is going on inside of you is as important in it's impact on you as the serious physical illnesses of others is on them. I really hope that you can hold onto that when you are at work, find a way to take care of your own special needs under the circumstances. I don't know how, exactly, but you might. Even just being able to cry over it, or to do something special to help yourself to feel safe and loved. Give yourself lots of gentle care.

Sending you safe hugs, if ok.
Lisa