spoke to mum

jane · Experienced Member

spoke to mum

ellie · Senior Member

Dear jane,

I really didnt know how to start this, im really feeling for you and dont know what to say to help. You have helped me so much in the past with your words and messages and i can honestly say that i wish i could make it better for you, because it sounds so damn painful. I really wish i could.

On the whole i think you have handled it really well, we are often in this situation of should i, shouldnt i say something but ive come to realise that its best to say these things. Otherwise it keeps getting put off and just makes the decision harder. You were able to agree that she should have protected you, that takes a lot of courage and honesty. You were also able to stand up for yourself when she tried to put the blame back on you, i think you have done fantastically well. You got your point of view across, something you couldnt do as a child. I am so proud of you.

Even so this whole event has been traumatic and i can understand how you feel because i have the same issues with my mum. I really wish that she could just behave and respond how a mum should, how we would with our children. giving them unconditional love, respect and the time. Wanting to protect them, as a mother this instinct is so strong i could not tolerate anybody hurting my children. Jane, we may never get that but it doesnt make the hurt any easier because thats what we want from our mothers, to be lilke a mother to us even it we are adults now. I may not be making any sense here but i hope you can understand what im getting at.

If you would have come round to my house after that phonecall, i would have given you a hug, let you scream, rant, shout and swear as much as you want. Cried and sobbed as much as you want. then gone out in the garden and thrown some apples at my shed (a little stress reliever) and screamed that we wish our mothers could see it from our point and be there for us. Of course she will have her reasons and there may be many but she was the adult, you were the child and she should have protected you. No excuses.

Im sorry its a bit long but please dont feel bad, i and everybody here do not judge you for needing validation of your feelings.

My thoughts are with you, take care

ellie

jane · Experienced Member

thank you so much ellie, your support means so much,

Frog · Experienced Member

Hi Jane,

I feel scared to ask but what happened to your post! I read it earlier, and was going to reply then but got interupted. I hope your ok.

I know were you coming from about your mum, my mum adapotes the same behaviour I find it so painful. And I know the last thing you want to hear is someone saying she doesn't mean it etc etc etc, it's so hard when you know what she is like but then acts diffierent it front of others. I offered a book to my mu to read to help her understand but she wasn't interested, I reacently told her to I was going for more counselling, and then a stony silience, "ohh!" she says.

I can't remeber all that was in your post but I know I felt the pain your going through, I wish I could offer more help but I struggle with this myself.

thinking of you and hope your ok.

Frog