Anyone else ever feel this?

Amaria · Member

Anyone else ever feel this?

claudine · Moderator

Hey Amaria,

I think when you start to recognize that there is something too big to keep down any longer, the slightest thing can 'trigger' a physical or emotional response. So, yes, I know exactly what you're talking about. For awhile I felt so uncomfortable around people because I thought , they must see the sexual 'connection' too. It gets easier when you learn to identify what you're actually responding to. Going to a therapist should help as well as coming here!

c

Amaria · Member

Thanks for the Welcome Claudine, this is all so very hard for me...and I appreciate the response. Things have just been crazy, because as well as now dealing with these past 4 days of thinking I'm a pervert and losing my mind, I also have anxiety disorder and being to just talk to people who can understand and reassure me makes me feel so much better, so thank you. I'm really nervous about tomorrow, but this therapist sounded really nice on the phone so hopefully things go well and he can assure me that I am not going crazy and why i am feeling this way all of sudden. Anyway thanks again.

claudine · Moderator

Hey no prob!

The first session is usually a 'getting to know you' session. It usually goes a little longer that a regular session. Ask lots of questions! After my first one, I felt like I was walking on clouds. It was such a relief to be moving forward for a change. Let us know how it goes!

c

jane · Experienced Member

hi amaria,

its good to hear you, you are not alone in this now, we are a friendly bunch and are very supportive as i have found often. im glad your going to see a therapist, having proffesional support as well as others in the same situation is a good move.

as claudine stated, when this is something that you are facing, it is always something that you see everywhere. this doesnt make you strange in any way, and if it did, there would be at least two of us!

keep posting.

stay safe

jane

amanda · Experienced Member

HI

I think you will benifit from your appointment tomorrow and wish you well if its of any help not sure what your nerves and anxiety levels are like it may be helpful to spend a little time jotting questions down then if you get there and dry up you have some prompts

Let us know how you get on

wishing you well

amanda

leckie · Senior Member

hi amaria

no your not alone in what you are seeing, some times when i was out walking you know if i saw a dad playing with his son and having physical contact with him that was all i could see in it was a child getting abused ( but i know that is not what was hapening ) my mind seemed to only recognise physical play and abuse as one in the same if that makes any sence to you it took me a wile to figer it out but i am sure that all i was seeing was me when i was being abused i hope you can understand that, but i have still never figuered out why it hapend or what trigered me,

good luck with your meeting

john

Amaria · Member

Thank you John. I think I know what triggered it, but something like this has never happened to me before and it scared the **** out of me. It still is. I hope this meeting is helpful tomorrow becuase I hate feeling like this. I think also that I agree with you, it is not actually the kids I am seeing being molested, I just relate it to them because I don't see myself as a child anymore. Anyway, the hard part is that I love these kids very much and would never hurt them, I'm a very empathic person and it would kill me, but the path my mind takes makes me ill and I feel like there is something wrong with me. Most of the time I can rationalize but it always comes back. Each day gets a little better, but it's still frustrating, so thank you for your kind words, they make me feel so much better.

With many thanks,

Melissa

liz · Experienced Member

Hi there Amaria

Just wondering how you got on with the psychologist today? Let us know how it went.

You'll find plenty of support here. A friendly, caring bunch of people.

Thinking about you today

liz x

Amaria · Member

Hi everyone,

So I went to the psychologist today and I think it went very well. I like him and was comfortable with him. We got into most of the issues I want to talk about and I told him whats been going on with me in my mind. He said long term we can resolve that but try to distract myself. He also really want to work on the anxiety and I think that is a good idea. I also confided in a friend with what has been going on and I feel much better. Although right this second I am having a bad moment. I'm at my best friends house and her kids are around and I'm still having visuals of them being abused and feeling like how can I picture that, what is wrong with me? That Im sick and insane, but I just keep reminding myself that it's not that I want that to happen to them or that I want to do that, it's that Im picturing myself as them. I don't see myself as a child anymore so when I see them it makes me think of what happened to me and I just have to keep reminding myself of what my best friend said to me. That I am a good, and loving and compassionate person and that I could never hurt anyone. I'm only associating because this is the phase I am going through and that eventually it will pass and I will see them, as I saw them before this week. Loving and innocent and beautiful children, who are happy and adjusted. I just need to stop thinking that there is anything wrong with me and keep moving forward. Other than that, things are getting a little better. Thanks for all the support.

I will get through this....

Amaria