worse

jane · Experienced Member

worse

liz · Experienced Member

Jane

You're not a horrible, bad person - you're stressed, overwhelmed by everything just now and in pain. Glad you could let some of it all out here. Carry on doing that. We're here for you.

I hear your pain and just wish I could do more........

((((((((((Jane)))))))))))

liz x

amanda · Experienced Member

Jane

I am so sorry for the way you feel and am thinking of you you must realise you are not a bad horrible person and you may think what does she know your posts show you are a kind compassionate individual who is a good caring mother works hard and is full of nothing but good you need to realise this and stop beating yourself up

we all do this too easily post here get it out but believe in yourself cos I sure believe in you

sending you (((((jane))))) hoping thats okay

Amanda

claudine · Moderator

hey janey,

If your roles were switched with your sister, and she came to you upset, depressed and needing support, would you make a comment about 'getting weird?' She can't face the issues you're trying to deal with. That's HER problem, It's likely that she's running from that and not you. People are afraid of emotions, all of them (the people and the emotions!) They're unpredictable. We walk up to people an say 'hey! here's a big, fat emotion! I need to talk about it!' They feel cornered, and they react emotionally which in turn upsets you, because you can't predict that outcome either. Because of our low self esteem, we're inclined to immediately blame ourselves and be the 'horrible' ones. But it's all about not knowing what will happen next.

sorry..I could talk in circles for hours sometimes. I hope something in this makes sense.

You're not horrible. Your sister wants to pretend. Until she's ready to stop, she'll probably avoid you but it's not because of you. She can't or won't face it.

c

Frog · Experienced Member

Hi Jane,

Everything I would have said has been said so I just want to say keep going You have your sons and your job, look foreward to being part of both of them.

I have difficiulties with my family too, and understand the hurt you feel. Just keep going it's not you It's THEM. you are in the right hear.

Hang in there!

Sending a big hug (if thats ok)

Frog

Lark · Senior Member

Hi Jane
You are not Bad! Majority does not rule!
You shouldnt have to pretend anything- you should expect the same support that you would offer. Keep doing what YOU know to be right and hopefully they will follow your example.
Lark

liz · Experienced Member

Hi Jane

Just wondering how you are today?

Holding you in my thoughts

liz x

jane · Experienced Member

thankyou liz,

this place never ceases to amaze me, the support i feel is so appreciated and i know each and every person has their own pain.

i am currently pretending nothing is wrong, thats something i have grown very good at, and having just typed that it concerns me, am i in the process of boxing it all away again, because i am too scared to continue.

i have heard nothing from my sister and i dont think i expect to. when she originally brought this all up a few years ago, it was about 6 months before her wedding, she wanted to sort it out so she could start married life with a clean slate. IS SHE REAL! she had no comprehension of what she was opening, and i think that is one of the reasons she is not happy with me. she opened my tightly closed box and was completely shocked by events. she is so different to me and i annoy her. i think she see's me as a drama queen. this should all be gone now in her eyes.

i cant think too much about it otherwise i would crack, so yes, im hiding it all and pretending nothing is wrong. i will lose everything and keep going, i can hide it all. ive got no counselling as she is off for a week, (why are they all taking their time off in october of all months!) so if i dont do the pretence thing, i will continue to keep falling to a place i dont want to go. unfortunately, it doesnt feel quite as tightly wrapped away as i know i can get it, so watch this space!!

again, thankyou liz for your support, it does mean so much and i apologise for the jumbled fesponse. im not good at trying to say whats going off in this head of mine as i dont always know myself

take care, stay safe

jane

ouchzone · Experienced Member

Hi Jane

Re: i must be wrong if two members of my family tell me i am

Have you heard of a surgeon called Joseph Lister 1827-1912? He told people to wash their hands to stop the spread of germs. Millions of people laughed at him including medical professionals. But he was right.

Re: mum told me i was mean to her, i should be grateful for everything she had done for me and i caused her to cry. my sister always stands up for mum, she thinks mum had it hard also, etc etc

I was diagnosed with depression when 14. Mum was livid. She said doctors blamed her. Then she told me I should be grateful she was not going to throw me out. That I was making her ill. Her priority wasn't my health. it was dodging the blame and denying my brother's responsibility. (I never mentioned my brother so why would she say he was innocent? Only reason was because she knew he wasn't)

I think your sister hasn't healed. I think she wants the love of one parent. Your mother is manipulating her. Your sister is not as strong as you. She goes along with your mother to 'qualify' for approval (love).

You're the one who is strong and good. You're facing the truth. You are now being abused by your mother and sister to keep you quiet aren't you? Your mother must find it a lot more rewarding to get sympathy instead of facing up to her involvement and neglect. You are paying the price. Believe in yourself. You are not horrible. you are not bad. You are honest. You have a lot of courage. You are hurting. It takes time to heal.

ouch