To tell or not to tell (and how do I)? May Trigger

spanglemaker · Veteran Member

To tell or not to tell (and how do I)? May Trigger

margaret · Veteran Member

dear Spanglemaker,
I could really identify with your email my abuse also happened when i was young and i honestly believe the hardest part for me even now is trusting myself and indeed my memories. I too struggled and still do at times to tell my therepist. I honestly think you need to do it whatever way you can a letter a picture anything is good. I know what you mean about why deal with this now but for me it has been an issue which i ignored for a long time, couldn't deal with another time and now cannot stop myself having to deal with it. I don't have any answers but please know that your mail struck so many chords in me that i had to respond. I know this post is not very helpful but please know that you are not alone and in my experience i found drawing and writing very helpful when the words could not come.
Please take care (Nice to meet you)
Mags

claudine · Moderator

hey spanglemaker...wow, that's like, impossible to make into a nickname,

Well, there's no getting around how hard it is, I wrote it a few times. told an abbrieviated version in one session, and expanded it when I could, looking at the floor or the wall or the ceiling, anywhere but at my Therapist. That should be okay for you to do. You don't have to look at them unless you're ready to. I didn't believe I could do it, but I managed. Do it however you can. Maybe over the phone. in the long run, it will help.

c

Lark · Senior Member

RE: To tell or not to tell (and how do I)? May Tri

spanglemaker · Veteran Member

RE: To tell or not to tell (and how do I)? May Trigger

amanda · Experienced Member

well done spanglemaker

It was a hard step to take but you done it and I am proud of you. You have no reason to feel shame it is theres not yours as you move on you will begin to feel the emotions rising and If you choose to share them here I hope we can continue to support you

Take care

Amanda

claudine · Moderator

hi spanglemaker,

(LOVE THE COCTEAU TWINS !)

'Telling' has been a strange experience for me. After writing to a friend,then talking to my T, I told a brother, and was a total wreck about it. Then I told a different brother, was cool, detached and later angry. I'm on a self-imposed 'break' that until now, was impossible to take. I'm steeling myself to jump backward into that tank of sharks again. For some strange reason, I hesitate!

Good job on getting it out there. I know how hard it was.

c

leckie · Senior Member

hi spanglemaker

my abuse started when i was two it was physical at first then at the age of 4 he started sexualy abusing me until i was 9 is i am now 45 and it has taken me this long to tell and try and get help iwent through all those years in agony pain hatred and feer not to mention the nightmares one marage and a woman i realy love and still do i only wish now that i could have told earlier in my life so if you do have the courage and i am sure you do or you would not be asking this question try and tell your therapist i realy hope you can i know how hard it is to start but you have already done it by being on here tell your therapist about havoca and start from there it might make things a bit easier good luck

take care and i am sure you will do what you need to do

john

spanglemaker · Veteran Member

You lot are all so kind, I can not even begin to tell you what a help you have been. THANK YOU, thank you, thank you. You are all giving me more support than I have ever had in my life. Many times as a child I tried to tell or hoped that someone would see how I suffered - yet no one really wanted to know. Now, I feel so lucky to have found everyone here. This is making such a difference to me. My only saddness is that you all have endured such pain as well. It is like looking into such a dark pit sometimes. I am so sorry these things happened to us. Thank you John for telling me - you are so brave too.

Last night was dreadful, I could hardly sleep. The full realization of what I had done was sinking in, and I felt physically ill at the thought of it. The letter being posted yesterday meant that there is no going back. This morning I so wanted to stay safe under the bedcovers. But, I dragged myself into work so that I did not have to think anymore about it. Knowing that I could get to this message board and reading your posts brought me calm when I began to feel so very overwhelmed. You also saved me from shouting at the poor unsuspecting public - people can be so demanding at times!

Take care all

Spanglemaker

liz · Experienced Member

Hi Spangle maker

Telling is so hard. And I don't think it matters 'how' you manage to get the message across. If he's a good T he will hear however you struggle to tell.

You should feel proud of yourself for having found the courage to do so. And it's a step - a giant step forward. Well done.

On my journey I have done and still do lots of writing. I keep a journal and though not writing in it all the time it helps to get stuff out onto paper - for now my version of tears. The way I found to tell was through writing it down in the main. And then either my T read it, or if I was feeling strong and brave that day then I read it out loud to him.

I find I can express more of myself on paper than I can with words.

Today i saw my T and we reached a paart of my past which I've not really unpacked before. And I can see that the only way through at the moment is if I do some more writing. I can explore on paper and take it from there by which time maybe my acute sense of embarrassment and shame will have lessened. That';s the theory anyway......

I wish you all the best on your journey.

liz x

Amaria · Member

I know how you feel spangle...sometimes I have a hard time differentiating from dreams and reality when it comes to this. I think for the longest time I repressed it so hard that I can't even tell if it's real anymore. As to to tell or not to tell, I have occasionally told people that it happened to me, people I trust, but to this date I have not fully been able to talk about it in detail and I cannot tell my parents. It's exactly like you said...its been so long..what does it matter? But I have come to the conclusion after four days of going insane that it matters very much. I wish you the best of luck.