physical Harm (may Trigger)

amanda · Experienced Member

physical Harm (may Trigger)

jane · Experienced Member

im so sorry that you went through that amanda, unfortunately i cant say i recieved anthing physically lasting.

have you considered checking to see if you can have the tatoo removed professionally, would that be an option, would you consider that?

if the question is out of order i apologise

take care

jane

claudine · Moderator

Hey Amanda,

i'm sorry that you have physical reminders of your abusers. Something like a tattoo I would think is more disturbing, like a signature. I agree that removing it would be an excellent idea.

Like alot of things lately, evidence creeps up on me. I've never been in any major car accidents, had only the one incident where I broke my ankle when I was 22. As get older and medically investigate a new ache or pain, I get alot of questions sometimes. I have compressed disc's in my neck, I have alot of problems with my knees (slammed onto the hood of a car, couldn't walk for a week), limited mobility on my left side, torn muscles an so on throughout the shoulder blade area. The list goes on but, honestly I don't really feel like those things cause me the kind of pain that make life difficult. That stuff is always there, I guess I've just adapted, I only feel uncomfortable if I have to explain it. I never had a black eye or a bruise on an arm. Other people might have noticed those. That's the trick, it doesn't show. I don't really think about it much.

c

numb · Veteran Member

Hi Amanda

I am so sorry you have these physical reminders of what happened.

My experience of physical damage very nearly resulted in me not having my two wonderful sons. Both are gifts from God, when I gave birth to my first son the consultant said he did not know how I had become pregnant in the first place. I ended up having four hours of surgery following the birth and was told I would never have any more children. Three years later I was blessed with another beautiful son. These boys now adults have given me something to live for, my body is a constant reminder of the past.

Take gentle care

Numb

claudine · Moderator

It's amazing sometimes, how resilient the physical body can be. Numb, I think it's so wonderful that you could still have children. And Amanda, this may sound awkward but you sound like you're brain fought back It seems like physically, it's somehow easier to defend yourself, adapt, and move on. Psychologically, emotionally we're stuck. Sometimes the 'growth' literally stops at the time of the abuse. We repeat many emotional mistakes. Continue to struggle with fears that we know are (I'll take a wild guess..) 75-95% in our heads? Even repeat some abusive behaviors to ourselves. For what?

c

amanda · Experienced Member

Thank you for your replies

One of these days I will take the bull by the horns and have it removed I did talk to my GP about it but it will need a skin graft and a stay in hospital that is not an option for me at present because I am not strong enough to cope with that but one day.

I agree with you Claudine my brain copes with the additional Physical demands well Yes I admit I have blips when I feel it lets me down but the pschological scars run deep. you say about the emotional mistakes we make over and over again how true that is do you think we ever fully move on.

Take Care

Amanda

mjd · Newbie

***************TRIGGERS - DISCUSSION OF ABUSE***************

Hi,

I'm new here. I registered in order to answer your question. Yes, I have some scars and some permanent damage from my physical abuse.

I have a damaged ovary from being kicked straight in the stomach. I will probably never be able to have children.
I have a fracture in my tailbone that didn't heal properly. I can't sit down on hard surfaces without excruciating pain.
I have a scar on the back of head from being slammed into a brick wall. I used to get migraines, but they have lessened over time as I don't like to take medications.
Xrays show previous damage to my ribs from being thrown over a metal railing.
I have a dark spot resembling a circle on the top of my foot from being pushed face first down a flight of stairs and on top of a protruding nail.

I have other evidence of injuries, but you get the idea. I'm not sure any of the visible scars can be "fixed" as I have never found a doctor who is willing to help me.

Today, I am grateful that I have these scars. When I feel guilty for not wanting to be around my family, I can usually talk myself out of it by looking at my scars. When I have another "friend" tell me that it's not true or I'm going to Hell because I don't have a relationship with my family, I remember my scars. When I am told that my story is too much even for an abuse group and I'm not welcome, I remember the scars.

I remember everyday without the scars too. They remind me that I'm a survivor. I call them my "survivor marks." I cope by remembering how far I've come.

I wish you well,

mjd

mjd · Newbie

Oops. Didn't mean to post in the wrong place. I see now this is the old board. Sorry. mjd