Jekyll and Hyde (might trigger)

Lark · Senior Member

Jekyll and Hyde (might trigger)

jane · Experienced Member

hi lark,

thats not ranting, i definately dont know who i am, and often revert to the child who thinks she is forgotten as soon as she walks out of a room. the rest of the time im the happy confident person everyone else see's. this is one of the things that troubling me at the moment (one of many) i dont know who i am, is the person people see even real and would i really like the real me?

your definately not nothing (sorry double negative sounded bad) you count and your place in the world is already taken by someone that deserves the place, someone that shines in that place. that place is taken by you.

keep going and you will find comfort in your place.

stay safe

jane

leckie · Senior Member

oh yes lark i do get like that

i am just trying to find out who i am when i think i am doing so well pow i am back the way that i was with all the old feelings worthlesness hatred and ager for myself i hate going back that way

take care john

Lark · Senior Member

Thanks Jane and Leckie
I guess it's a good thing we have these two sides as it means at least some of the time we can put the old feelings away. Some of the time we can be okay so I guess that just needs to be strengthened. I remember when I ALWAYS felt like an outsider so I suppose it is a good thing that I sometimes dont feel that way anymore. I think I'm looking for consistancy of emotions but that probably only comes with strength and practice. And Patience!!!

ouchzone · Experienced Member

Hi Lark

Re:And I have to concede that I dont think anybody else doesnt count- just me. And I can then see how irrational it is- but it wont go away. And I just wonder well which one of these peope am I? The one that doesnt count and should just slink into the shadows and let everyone get on with their lives or is it okay for me to be confidant and take up a place in this world?! Argh! confusing! It's like an emotional flashback.
Is there such a thing? In this way? Sorry for the rant.
And I have to concede that I dont think anybody else doesnt count- just me. And I can then see how irrational it is- but it wont go away. And I just wonder well which one of these peope am I? The one that doesnt count and should just slink into the shadows and let everyone get on with their lives or is it okay for me to be confidant and take up a place in this world?! Argh! confusing! It's like an emotional flashback.
Is there such a thing? In this way?

I get emotional flashbacks. I have more than two me's it's totally confusing. I was the only one who didn't count. I didn't even exist sometimes. I was invisible. It's really odd seeing somebody else write that. Now there's two of us. Don't know how to deal with it though. But at least we can not matter hand in hand now. We can both watch those groups of happy people who are allowed to be educated, eat proper food and have opportunities, fun and conversations and whatever it was you missed out on.

ouch

Lark · Senior Member

Hi ouch
Thanks for your post.
I feel better knowing there is someone else and just because there is someone else means it's not only me and if it's not only me then we must count!
Logic come back and be my friend!

It doesnt stop me feeling like I dont count really but your post does make me feel so much better about it!
Funny how people can make magic for each other like that!
Thanks heaps
Lark

spunk · Veteran Member

Hi Lark,

I just wanted to join the others and say that I go through this also. I think that there are more than two layers, but I definitely notice the adult self with adult feelings and the child self with all the old abused child feelings. Tied to that is the depressed and not-depressed self.

I used to feel this more acutely when I was younger, I could look in the mirror and see the difference in my face. I used to think of it as "good lisa" and "bad lisa". Now I tend to look at myself that way and think "happy lisa", "unhappy lisa".

I need a balanced, well-ordered life with lots of structure to be happy. That's one thing I've learned about myself.

Lisa

Lark · Senior Member

Hi Lisa
I like the way you changed your mirror thing- it's sort of healthier or more natural.
I need order and balance as well I think that's why I 've decided to refer to suddenly feeling those things again as 'episodes' to keep them all tidied up in a box so that I can handle dealing with it when it happens again a little easier.
That's the plan anyway!