looks

angel eyes · Veteran Member

looks

claudine · Moderator

hey liann,

I'm pretty sure your not flying solo on this one.I see it too, I hear it in my voice, the way I sometimes speak. It certainly doesn't help me get past the self-loathing. One of my brothers looks almost identical to my abuser as he grows older. I can't stand to look at him.

I've have become quite obsessed with the site, I guess it's due to loneliness. It helps to hear your not alone, but I have to drag myself away. I have wacky hours at work so I'm off when most are still at their 9-5's. Still, I gotta try to pace it a bit. Maybe set some specific times instead of glueing myself to the computer all day!

c

Lark · Senior Member

Hi Liann and Claudine
Sometimes I try turning it around. Instead of thinking I look like them I try thinking that they look like me and the rest of my family and the generations gone by. That way it's like they are MY looks and the looks of my ancestors and somehow it makes me feel better.
I'm afraid I have not explained my method very well! I hope it makes a little bit of sense to somebody!
Lark

claudine · Moderator

hey lark,

You've explained it very well! Nice spin. I never would have thought of it that way.

c

segelov · Experienced Member

Hello lianne

When i look in the mirror I see my mother - but when I hear my voice I hear me, I try hard not to look in mirrors, and I try hard not to have photographs taken, as for some irrational reason these two things make me feel what she did to me and what she allowed to be done to me is just beneath my skin. I am so scared that I am my mother, yet I know this is not so. Sorry am explaining myself very badly today.

I have tried the exercise of turning it around. but it does not work for me.

segelov

Sue · Veteran Member

Hi boys and helloooo Girls, we have the technology of make up and hair dye and coloured contact lenses and whatelse then we are somehow look as we like to be not like anyone else. Try these things mix and match till you find the right image. Please send me a photo before and after. have a great weekend trying. Sue

segelov · Experienced Member

Helo Sue,

I acknowledge what you are saying, I wear glasses, my mother never did (contact lenses and I have never got on) my hair over the years has been every colour that you could possibly think of, it has been long, short curly, etc. but you cannot unless you wish to subject yourself to surgery get away from the basic shape of your face, the way your eyes sit, the shape of your lips and mouth etc. Make up etc is all very well but you do have to look in the mirror to put it on, it does not get away from the fact that when I look in the mirror my mothers face stares back at me. But as I have said before I do not sound like my mother nor do I move like my mother, elocution and deportment lessons when I was young saw to that (I cannot praise the school that I went to from 13 enough for all of that - the only place that taught me some self worth).

Actually you have given me a thought, I may shock my partner and die my hair green or something before he returns from Rwanda, may be going back to some of the excesses of my youth is wha to do - how about a green haired 50 something woman?

Take care

Lark · Senior Member

I love punk hair colour! I had bright pink when I was fifteen for six months then I tried lots of colours and now my hair refuses to change when I dye it!!
I wish I could see your partner's face when he gets home!
You rock segelov!