Irrational Thoughts**May Trigger**

claudine · Moderator

jane · Experienced Member

hey claudine,

i know where your coming from, its not quite a desire to do it, its just feels like an easy way to stop the hurt. your letting no-one down by putting the feeling into words, i would rather you say it here, than it fester inside, because thats when its bad. i wouldnt think anyone here would feel let down because you feel tired of it all. i find life in general tiring, full time job, two kids. it is made that much harder when you are also carrying something like this, something that feels far too heavy to carry. but the thing is, you dont have to carry it alone, coming here and sharing is how i keep going and the support i have felt since joining has been amazing and i hope you feel that too and continue to share. we are here for you.

just keep going claudine, i care what happens to you and i know you will make it, we will all make it, its just not the easiest thing in the world to do. you have a strength inside you, one that you have already used, by surviving what you did and getting here. stay here, keep telling us when its hard and we will be here for you.

you are in my thoughts

take care, stay safe

jane

segelov · Experienced Member

Hello Claudine and Jane

so my irrational thoughts are much the same as yours, so what does that say except that it may not be so unusual - its just that we do not talk about it, we do not admit to it just in case some one decides that we really are "irrational". what stops me? - well children, grandchildren and partner. I have known too many people who went through with it, their suffering may have ended but how much suffering they left behind. I would hate to be responsible for hurting those that I love, it hurts knowing that I have those thoughts.

You are both so brave talking about this,i am not sure that i could have ben the first to admit to this.

Maybe what we all need to do is learn to love ourselves a bit. We are worth it.

Take care

claudine · Moderator

Hey guys,

you're great, really. Thanks for replying. I was worried about posting that but it's always lingering. I'm pretty mixed up lately. I don't want to be this. I feel like everyone around me moves forward while I move back. Hard to shake it. Can't seem to use the old ways to distract myself.

c

Raindancer · Veteran Member

Hi Claudine,

Yeah i do this too, although its not everyday (unless im in a bad space). I sometimes wonder if its an issue of control for me, a choice...one that only i can have full control over, to act on it or not to act on it. Its not an option i'd take, though i know i can say this now because im in a safe spot (but its one more option that i never had as a child). Like i say, for me i think its about control.

Your not letting anyone down by talking about this, its not a threat. I think there is such a 'taboo' around this subject...and yet sometimes just talking about it in general is what some people need.

Take gentle care,

Raindancer

amanda · Experienced Member

Hello all

When this post started a couple of days ago I could not answer because of where I was but today on revisiting it its good to know its just not me. OK today I am back in the real world not the world of hurt and pain that arrives when I am triggered but I would never hurt my children I care too deeply for them to hurt them but it doesn't mean to say the thoughts don't come at times it seems an easy answer I know its not but when tiredness and exhaustion take over well

Thank you for this topic maybe we need a seperate section that we can put our feelings in like raindancer said it is a taboo subject but for many of us at times it is a real part of our lives. I would not wish people to talk about the wheres and hows but the thoughts that doesn't make sense but I think you will know what I mean

Thank you for this

Amanda