Coping Methods

claudine · Moderator

Coping Methods

michelle · Senior Member

Claudine,

Please do not take this wrong. I am not trying to be insensensitive.Has your therapist looked in to you having a mood disorder of some kind. Because these people tend to have outburst of anger.

My brother went off on me a year and a half ago and the doctor put him on some medicine. And he said it helped him he has always had major anger issues.

Just a thought

Michelle

HAVOCA · Trustee

Hi C

Thats a good post. I have several coping mechanisms.

Count to ten.

Take a walk

Go running

Punch a punch bag (this is my best one)

Skip ( I do this because I'm rubbish at it and it always makes me laugh when I end up tangled in knots around the rope!)

Recently I've just found that holding an ice cube for as long as I can really works - but I'mn not sure how dangerous this is (cold burns etc. so go careful).

Shout at the top of my voice

Smash old plates/tiles/flower pots.

What does everyone else do?

Jamie

liz · Experienced Member

Thanks Claudine for bringing this one to our attention. I need to learn some 'coping machanisms' because up to now I guess I've held it all in - which does precisely nothing for me. It's what I did back then.

However, sometimes when I am seething with anger I take the dog for a walk in the woods. Gives me space. gives me some physical exercise, gives me a chance to calm down.

I find triggers so difficult to cope with at the moment. Grounding myself in the here and now is hard to do. So the suggestions I've read here will be good to try.

Liz

ouchzone · Experienced Member

I don't cope with triggers. I become ill for days when I get the worse ones. When I'm at work or away from home I'm terrified someone will notice something is wrong.

Rarely get close to 'losing it' rage wise. Walking and plasticine help best. Can't use a pillow as a punchbag. Get flashbacks of my brother laughing at me because I'm so small and weak so that stuff makes me feel angry.

ouch

amanda · Experienced Member

Good post Claudine

I am learning coping methods as an alternative to self injury for me the following have proved good

The ice cube works well but makes a mess as it melts

I love cutting into a melon again messy

I will colour draw or scribble

throw stones into the sea very theraputic especially if its a rough sea

I have started gardening throwing mud around is a good distractor

I will also turn off my hearing aids turn up the volume and sing nonsense to the vibrations through the floorboards (Poor neighbours)

Hope these give some ideas they don't always work

Amanda

michelle · Senior Member

Jamie,

You said one of your coping skills was smash/tiles/flowerpots I am aware you do not have children.And I believe if someone did that would be very disturbing to them. In my line of work they send parents to anger management.You did have some good points also.Question How would one control ones anger in a work environment? I do not believe that has been addressed.

Michelle

spunk · Veteran Member

Hi Michelle,

I'm wondering if you would be willing to mention some of your own coping mechanisms?

Surely working with children in foster care, this must have come up for you from time to time. What coping mechanisms do you use in your work environment?

You must be under a certain amount of pressure to cope in ways that do not harm the children around you or alienate other foster family members. Do you have special training in conflict resolution, that sort of thing?

Lisa

leckie · Senior Member

hi everyone

well i dont really know if i should be saying this but i usually go for a drive then onto the bypass or motorway turn the music up full blast and put my foot flat to the floor illegal and dagerouse i know but it gets the worst of the anger out of me then i usually end up sitting on a beach somewhere as close to the water as posible so i can reely hear it and that relaxes me

or i will take a walk in the woods and climb the steep hills in it i get mucky but who cares it works some times

ps the driving i am a carefull driver its usually at nights i do that when no one is on the raods i would never put anyone elses lives at risk

take care all john

HAVOCA · Trustee

Hi Michelle

Of course I would never throw pots and tiles at or near children - lol.

We obviously have to temper our coping mechanisms for the situation we are in. One of mine is to have a cold shower - that wouldn't go down very well at work for example.

Anger at work needs to be dealt with carefully and usually involves me taking afew minutes to compose myself outside. I allow myself to box this anger in and deal with it at another time - for example in the gym.

Take care,

Jamie

Frog · Experienced Member

Hi Guys,

one of my methods is dancing, an no before you think it not professional on anything actually far from it. I havn't been for awhile but I would go out to pub/nit clubs with people I knew I could trust to stay with me, we all went together and stayed together, and all made sure we got home ok, this was really important to me.

But I would get in and dance allnit to the wee hours of the moring, it was a great way to release all my frustation and anger and hurt.

I still do it at home when no one is in turn up the voloum and go for it, proberly look like a rit plonker but it sure as hell works~ I love Meatloaf its great when life really is down on you.

Frog

claudine · Moderator

ROWYBS

Frogster!

c

spunk · Veteran Member

Hey Frog,

I love this one! Used to be just a way of life for me to go out dancing a couple of times a week, and def around the house, every day. Music is a great way to express and release it all, you can cover the whole spectrum.

Lisa

claudine · Moderator

Party at my house! Oh wait, your all across the freakin' pond!

c

claudine · Moderator

sheesh

just kidding

Growing roots and wings · Veteran Member

Please forgive me if I've posted this somewhere before, but I have one I use at work I call "Turning down the volume".

At one point years ago I got called into the new CEO's office. I was just a little squirt of a thing - totally freaked out to be in the office of the BIG BOSS. Anyway, this guy was so dismissive and GRUMPY I found myself distracted - started tuning him out and thinking - "Gee, this guy is a JERK! Why on earth would I be intimidated by such a miserable human being? I bet this guy's got a miserable life at home, maybe he's been fighting with his wife this morning." I found that I totally didn't hear what he said to me - which can be dangerous if you take it too far!

Now I can use it at will (well, not all the time, but often). If I realize I'm in a difficult situation where someone is pushing my buttons, and has no interest in what I may have to say, I can tune them out and listen to the dialog in my head. But instead of telling myself that they're a jerk, now I tell myself (in my head, of course) that maybe its because they're constipated, or perhaps they have diarrhea. Of course, you have to be careful, it doesn't do to burst out laughing when someone is trying to give you a hard time!!!

J.

-- Edited by Growing roots and wings at 04:09, 2004-10-05

michelle · Senior Member

John,

I cannot help myself I have to comment on your post.

You said you usually go for a drive then onto the by pass or motorway turn the music full blast and put my foot flat to the floor ILLEGAL and DANGEREROUS. And you say your a careful driver its usually at nights .I do that when know one is on the roads .I would never put anyone elses LIVES at RISK.

I am going to tell you stright up you are putting other peoples lives in danger not to say your own.You may not care about your own LIFE but you need to think of others. I think on another post you said you have children.Are you thinking about how they would FEEL if you were in a accident or killed or killed someone else? NO I do not think you even consider that. It sounds like it is all about you.And how you feel. If something was illegal and dangererous why would you even consider it? And be so reckless with your life and others.

I know this site is suppose to share are feelings.I also think we should stand up and say we will not allow people to think its ok to put other peoples life in jeopardy as well as our own. May be I feel life is a little more precious than that.

And I know there will be some who are truly up set with my post. All I can say is I would hope you would value ones life the same as I do.And if you don't thats your choice. I am not in anyway sorry for my post.

John I really feel sorry for you. You must be really hurting to indanger yourself and others.

Michelle

ouchzone · Experienced Member

Re: throwing mud. I tried this with wet sand when I was five and angry as hell for being abandoned. I didn't look where I was throwing it I just kept scooping it up and hurling it. Next thing I heard a female voice saying calmly something like 'So what are you going to do dear, go back into the sea and wash it off?' I looked up and saw this guy with lots of wet sand plastered to his chest. It must've been my fault there was nobody else about. Thought they might be angry with me but they seemed to be neutral. I still felt bad though because I'd caught somebody in my efforts at relief. And I felt even angrier.

I find it very disturbing when I see others venting their anger. Must be terrifying for children. At work and in other public places I parcel my anger up to release later. My two abusive family members deliberately tried to provoke anger (anger incurred severe punishment). Any reasonable antidotes she would prevent me using so I didn't 'escape' the treatment by finding relief. I would get severe headaches (being ill resulted in similar treatment to the punishments and was strongly despised) and feel very ill sometimes for hours after a bad attack. I had to hide feeling ill as well as the anger to stay safe. But it helped to be stoical - the more psychological pain they inflicted on me the stronger I became. They showed themselves to be weak and bad while I learnt to be difficult to provoke. I thouight that their inability to gain satisfaction by witnessing my pain was the best punishment they could have. I have perfected the art of separating other people's behaviour from me and mine. Just because they are bad/sick/constipated/have the runs doesn't mean there's anything wrong with me. It's their problem. Mostly people can't reach me anymore because I built the walls so thick when I was young.

Watching the waves crash against a sea wall is something I've found calming. Trouble is I don't live near the sea. I've got a CD of sea waves and music I use instead and can create the image in my head. I've used it as a life saver sometimes.

ouch

leckie · Senior Member

michelle

sorry i got you angry

i must disagree with you but yes i do care about other people and how they feel it was that that kept me alive when i was suicidle the thought of hurting other people especially my cildren i have allways thought about other people all my life and not cared what i wanted i just did things for them not me

maybe how i releas my anger and stress is a bit unorthidox but as i said do not endanger anyone else or even myself i found driving as i do for 10_20 min or so helps me as all my concentration is on my driveing to keep me and others safe ye maybe i am being a bit selfish when i do this but like every one else i am alowd to be some times

so thank you for your honest coment micelle

yes it did make me a bit angry and i can see where you are coming from but i can asure you and everyone else i will never cause harm to anyone else

take care micelle sorry if i got you angry john

michelle · Senior Member

John,

Don't be sorry.If we can not be totaly honest with one another.How are we ever going to see life in a different prospective. As long as your in control thats what matters.

At times I leave my therapist a little unhappy with what he says. But when I evaluate what he has said he usually has some valid points.We should always be open to looking at things in a different view.

I can tell one thing from your post your a very caring person.

- section edited by HAVOCA due to inappropriate comments.

John do not be sorry.I feel we are adults and we have our opinions.Life would be dull if we all thought a like.

Michelle

-- Edited by HAVOCA at 19:05, 2004-10-06

leckie · Senior Member

hi michelle

i am only sorry for causing upset nothing else

i do aprietiate your opinion and critosism of what i do, yes everyone can voice there opinion which is good so take care all

john