I agree with you.  Certainly some of the feelings we get can be felt by non-abused adults too.  We can sometimes get wrapped up in blaming the abuse for all of our emotions and feelings, when really they are just natural responses to life's situations.

The important thing is to keep chipping away at the past and uncovering those emotions that were caused as a direct result of our abuse and those feelings that have just been exasperated by it - I think there's a clear difference between those two ideas.

Another thing to consider is to look at the core evil of the abuse - it is a traumatic event.  this trauma causes affects that, if left untreated, can last a forever.  In our cases this trauma was caused by the abuse, but in other people the trauma may have been caused by another event.  The important thing is to acknowledge our fears, pain and emotional imbalances.  Once we've acknowledged them we can start to tackle the cause.  Working on those two things together will allow us to accept the way we are, and the adults we have become in a more positive light.  That stands true for abused and non-abused adults throughout the world.

Take care and thanks for the post - a good topic.

Jamie  

Hi all

I don't know what normal is we are all different so whoever can clarify what is normal is a very clever person.

I truly believe I have the same feelings as people who have never been abused at times they are intensified because of the abuse and at times they are triggered and unmanageable and sometimes they display themselves in ways which some people would say are not normal but there again whose not to say I am not the normal one (only joking here) I except my feelings at times are different

Good topic Michelle

Take care

Amanda

Hi Michelle,

I think that most of our thoughts and feelings are normal. Everyone has their own issues, their own internal mechanisms that color the way they experience the world. Most of us had perfectly normal responses to the trauma and abuse. Our internal configurations are affected by the abuse, no doubt about that. However we (and our thoughts and feelings) are so much more similar to those of everyone around us than they are different.

That is one of the key benefits that I have gained from my therapy, to see myself as being a legitimate, fairly typical member of my community. I am learning how to take care of my own specific (abuse-colored) needs as I navigate the world. But I am finding acceptance, safety and peace within myself, and within that larger community as I gain the understanding that I belong as much as anyone else does.

It doesn't surprise me at all that your unabused friends have emotional needs, thoughts and feelings that are extremely close to yours.

Lisa