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Frog


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May Trigger sexual experinecs
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Hi All


I hope this is ok to write this.


I want to ask if anyone has difficulty having sex. I know it's a real personnal thing to talk about but I needed to talk about it.


I first had sex, with my permission when I was just sixteen. after that I felt I wanted it more and more, it was a comfort in away it was the only way I could feel close to someone! that sounds awful I know!


But also every time I did when I closed my eyes I saw my body in my minds eye and it was all a dark dirty colour. it was every time. I would feel nothing just numbness wanting to enjoy the experince but I couldn't. Is this normal, does anyone else feel this or have felt it?


Thanks for reading - take care


Frog



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Raindancer


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Hi frog,


I tend to avoid such discussions mainly because its something im not comfortable talking about..there's still that 'yuck' factor surrounding this topic (for me). So in saying that, i want to apologise beforehand...incase i say something wrong, but i wanted to try because i know how hard it must have been for you to write this here.


I do have difficulties with Sex, and i can honestly say if its something i never had to do again..i would be very happy. I used to believe that sex=love, and as an adult i can see that it is one way of expressing Love (but its not the be all and end all of Love). However as a teen i couldnt see those differences (and have to admit that even now i slip into old habits/that way of thinking) and would have sex to receive Love, that closeness/comfort that i needed. I used to, like you, find myself detached from the situation. It was as if (so many times) i was back there as a child being abused once again, and no matter how hard i tried to bring myself back into the present i found i couldnt do it.


It is normal Frog, detachment during such sex is a common problem amoungst alot of people who have been abused throughout their childhoods (even adulthood). Its an old coping mechanismn that kicks in to protect you in a situation that 'feels' similar!


My difficulties with sex far extended that though, in my late teens i started to wonder about my sexuality...as i was attracted to females, but was so unsure as to whether or not this was the result of being sexually abused by a female. Its still something i need to work on, and until i get to that point...that is why i say i would be happy to never have sex again because its brought up so many issues that i have difficulty accepting and understanding. Love, now this is a different thing altogether, love i do want in my life.


Frog as hard as it was for you to write here, im glad you did, not just for yourself but its allowed me to be alittle more open...so thank you.


Take care,


Raindancer



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LittleDragon


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hey frog.... how old are you now? I am 23, I had my first cosentual sex at 17 with a guy in a park. i hated it but felt like i wanted it more and more. i was fairly promiscupus until i met my ex boyfriend about 3 years ago.... now I have finally admitted I am gay... lol. hows about that for twists and turns???


I have heard that it is very common for survivors of sexual abuse to be promiscuous... i dunno why but i seem to have fallen in to that category in the past. i got the feeling like you, it was a way of getting comfort, although 99.99% of the time i just made myself feel worse.....


I get the disassociated feeling too, that numb out of bodiness, and have found it totally impossible to relax. i cant see my body haveing any kind of pleasure, and imagine it like a slab of meat when im getting intimate with anyone....


i think one of the reaons that I have felt the need to have sex as a wa of being close to someone, to feel comfort, is because at an early age i was taught that sex = love. my cousin made me believe thathe loved me and therefore wanted sex with me. that has translated to the way i have veiwed my friends and boyfriends and now.... girlfriends (lol) in the back of my head im thinking.... do they fancy me? do they want sex with me? they must or they dont love ne...... which is stupid of me really....


 


ee gad... sorry waffling loads... hope ive been even the inciest tineciest bit helpful :)



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Frog


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Thanks for your replies guys


Thankyou Raindacer for you brave reply I am so touched and think your so brave and glad you got something out of my post to.


Hi LittleDragon, I related so much to wat you said I have felt in the past drawn towards women too, WOW! I am smazed and wat you said about feeling like a slab of meat, that is so like my expereinces. I would like to say and I hope I am not being partnising at all but well done for coming out and saying your gay I think it's great. I really hope that doesn't offend you I just mean it must have been so difficult on top of everything else I think your so brave.


I am 25 years old


Thank you both for your replies they have really helped me


Frog


 



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amanda


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Hi Frog


sorry my reply is late but hopefully better late than never I think what you experienced is normal for a lot of us here.


On the occasions I have consented to sex I usually ruin the relationship because I am not there so to speak.


I do not know how to respond to the other person and find myself with terrible flashbacks.


I do not know if you can over come this


Take Care


Amanda



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