feeling alone.

feemarie · Senior Member

feeling alone.

Frog · Experienced Member

Hi Fee

Frog again just read your post, I always find this hard to when I am in a reltionship, I felt the same with my friend but I told him ervery thing in the end cos I was so desprate to talk about it, he was chocked and he cryed, not in front of me but lateron and I made him tell me what was up the next day, I felt awful but he said for me to carry on talking if it's good for me, so i trusted in him and it has paid off. Your boyfriend sounds like a good guy, maybe try when you feel ready in letting him in he wants to understand, and help. when I cant talk I write it down and give to my friend to read, that helps as well I don't have to say it but I can write it.

Don't know if this helps

I am here for you sending big big hugs

Frog

feemarie · Senior Member

thanks for being here for me yet again frog!! it always means a lot!

i think i will take your advice and try writing down a bit of what i want him to know and give that to him, i really want him to understand. thanks for the help!

you are in my thoughts as always

great big hugs as usual!!

fee

x

amanda · Experienced Member

Hi Feemarie

I think the feeling of lonliness and not being able to talk goes along with the abuse. Your boyfriend sounds like his there to support when your ready. It has to be in your time when you are ready. Maybe he needs to also know that there are people who are there to support him because I am aware of the terrible pressure we can put partners under.

Hope this helps

Amanda

feemarie · Senior Member

thanks amanda. you are right, i feel bad sometimes over the pressure i put him under, i have tols him about this site so i hope he takes advantage of it!

thanks for the advice n support

fee

x

Frog · Experienced Member

Hi Fee

Just wanted to say hi I hope it's ok todo that.

Wondered how you feeling today?

I hope the writting works for you as it has for me, now I have wriiten alot to my friend and I know it wont be much of a shock I find I can talk to him more and say more stuff and that helps me come out of denail, and come to terms with wants happened to me.

sending big happy hugs

Frog

PS going for that mars bar again, give up with the diet!

feemarie · Senior Member

hi frog,

course its ok to do that, im made up!! hi to you too!

feeling a bit poo today, but nevermind pretty sure itll get better soon.

hope you arent doing too bad.

i might not be able to post for a while unfortunately cos i havent paid my bill! skint! think there gonna cut me off. im really gutted cos its like my life line on here and i have to say ill miss chattin with you most!

keep smilin and i hope ill be back very very soon,

loads of great big hugs in the mean time

take care

fee

x

ps keep eating those mars bars, diets are rubbish anyway!!

ouchzone · Experienced Member

I have enormous trouble talking. For me it’s part of the damage done by the abuse. I’m also afraid my husband will get sick of hearing about it. I’m also aware and concerned that he could get seriously stressed by listening to my problems and of the effects on our children. I don’t cope with other people having needs then demanding others help them no matter, what as a one way thing. I think we should all consider the stress effects talking and becoming distressed can have on others. As a result of what I grew up with I can’t cope with certain specific issues (not abuse) people have as they trigger me big time. I stop functioning and worse. So I feel I don’t deserve help when I can’t reciprocate. That’s why I prefer using this web site forum and I’m trying to find a counsellor. My husband told me once that he wanted to know why I was troubled because if I didn’t tell him he wouldn’t know whether or not he had done something to make me angry.

To summarise,

Partners may become stressed by our problems and it’s only right to consider their needs too. But if they are willing and can handle it then go ahead and talk to them when the time is right for both of you. Sometimes when I’m feeling really bad my husband just gives me a hug and that helps a lot. And I know that when I can’t handle other people’s reasons for being in pain and that listening would re-traumatise me, I can at least give my husband or two of the children hugs. (One doesn’t do hugs the other gets angry if people touch him).

When people talk about listening skills, they take it for granted that if someone wants to be heard you ought to listen better. I don’t believe it’s right to expect listen-on- demand. I think it should be something that is agreed upon by both/all parties. I hope this doesn’t make people here feel bad. I’m badly damaged so this is a very sensitive issue for me. I feel ripped apart.

You're not alone here.

michelle · Senior Member

Hello

I feel all people we are generally close to get tired of hearing our problems.Even if they will not admit it. Thats why I got a therapist I pay him to listen and I don't feel guilty.

I always considered by husband a caring person. He made a statement the other day that blew my mind.

He said he didn't like weak people.

Thank goodness I found a therapist 3 and a half yrs ago.

So it does not matter how long you live with some you never know how they truly feel.

He does not consider me weak.Because he does not have to here my problems.

just my thoughts

Michelle

feemarie · Senior Member

Hi,

Thanks ouchzone and michelle for your comments. It really helps knowing its not just me!

I have to say that I think ive been being really paranoid, my boyf sat me down the other night and told me he was worried about me and that he hated that i kept clamming up and wouldnt tell him what was wrong. I explained through lots of umming and ahhing why i didnt talk to him, that i was scared hed get sick of me etc. as ever he was very understanding.

I still keep a lot in tho, id rather get it out on here i think. having said that i think i still find it difficult to express myself even here sometimes. im getting there tho i think. thanks to all of you being so caring.

take gentle care everyone,

fee

x