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LittleDragon


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Posts: 15
Date:
why I am here
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Hey....


I have posted my story before on a different board, but at the moment I am going through it quite badly in my head, so any additional support would be great.... (assuming nobody minds that is....)


I was abused sexually by my cousin from the age of four to the age of eight fairly regularly, I wont go into too many details until I know you all a bit better. anyhow, I only started to remember the details of the abuse about four/five months ago. I knew I had been abused as I could remember vague details, only now I think i remembermost things, and it was a lot worse than I imagined (althoguh part of me knewk, i never really put a name on it if that makes sense?)


I was also raped when I was 18, 19 and twenty by three different people, obviously this brought up a lot more of the issues that were imbedded from my cousin.


things came to a miajor head about three months ago, when i started having a breakdown of some sort. i couldnt hack it, tried to get out and ended up on a pschiactric ward.


things started to get a bit better in terms of my mental health, i was taking cipramil and zopiclone at night, then I came out to my parents as being gay, now they are really cross with me, cos until that point i was engaged and bought a house with my fiance about 8 months ago.


once again i feel like im slipping into the depression and dont know where to go with it. i am having psychotherapy but only for another 2 sessionns as the free sessions run out the week after next.


i am at my wits end, and i have no idea where its going.


I am extremely anxious and nervous when i am on my own, i have a stack of debt and a weight problem, I hate myself, my body and my parents (although i still want their approval... you know??) I hate my life and often wonder if its all a bit pointless.


i didnt have a good relationship with my parents when i was growing up as they were aware that i had been abused on at least one occasion, but never asked me about it or did anything to stop it. i dont think they knew who did it, but they knew...... if that makes sense...


dunno what else to put as i seem to be losing the thread a bit here.....


thanks for listening,...



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dreams are the answers to questions that we have not yet learnt how to ask
feemarie


Senior Member

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Posts: 54
Date:
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hi,


im so sorry for your pain and im glad you have come here for support, i hope you findwhat you need here.


i cannot sayi know entirely what you are going through, but i do empathise with you.  I often share your feelings about being anxious and nervous alone, having debt and weight problems, i hate myself, my body and my parents too sometimes and often feel like theres no point.  but somehopw i always find the strength to get through, and you must too.  though you probably dont feel it you have strength or you wouldnt have found your way here.


i know how hard this can be and i wanted to let you know you are not alone, i hope you find at least a little comfort in knowing this.


you are in my heart and thoughts


take gentle care and please come and post anytime you feel bad, it helps for me and im sure itll help you too.


fee


x



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Frog


Experienced Member

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Posts: 135
Date:
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Hi littledragon


 


I wanted to offer may thoughts for you too, I to can't ubderstand all of what your going through, but stay stronge I know you don't want to I know you want to give up, but you are a specail person you have survived this far, stick with it, we are all here for you.


You are still fighting as you wrote this post, your fighting cos you need help your tited you'ev had enough, but your still fighting and that i stand in wonder of you, its amazing.


I know you pine for your parents surpport I know how that feels you hate them but you still want them to come up to you an say I am proud of you well done and i love you. I am sure they do feel all of this but find it hard to say. but for now if it in any conserlation I am PROUD of you, you wrote a post which is so hard todo. you have told you parents you gay, hey you give yourself a break, you have done great things!


I got married and shouldn't have done, my parents paid for most of it and two an a half years later I am divorced, at least you didn't go that far you stood up for yourself for you! that is great!


I can't imagaine what you have been through but please keep going, I hope what I have said is ok!


Your in mythoughts and heart


Sending all my strenght to you


Frog


 



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When one door closes another one opens
LittleDragon


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 15
Date:
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thankyou fee n frog... it really helps knowing that someone is out there. things are pretty bad at the moment... feel like im heading back for a spell in hospital at this rate, which i deffo dont want. i was in before and they basically didnt believe my story about the rapes and my cousin, they wrote a letter to my gp saying that my stories were 'not convincing' so i dont have a lot of faith in the nhs at the moment.


also had a bad experience with a taxi driver, i must have 'mug' written on my head or something, it was about 2 days ago. i got into a cab that i had booked and he was such a perv, asking me thinngs like 'would you s*ck my c**k'?? and things equally and more suggestive. i was terrified, and felt i had to play along cos i was basically at his mercy, nothing further happened, but it took me to a pretty bad place, and i have phoned the company, got his cab number and i am writing a letter of complaint. well im going to try.



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