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angel eyes


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why me *triggering*
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I'd like to tell you a little bit about myself if ok, and ask you for some help, and I want you to know that this is a huge step for me because I hardly ever talk about my secret.


I'll be brief even though I could go on for hours


I was sexually abused (ahhhhhh), by my grandfather for 6 years!!! god this is aweful!!!!!!!!! I told my secret to my mother when I was 16, i was made to keep it a secret from the rest of the family!!!! and if I told my mother said she would leave the family!!! I took many overdoses, and was called an attention seeker by the rest of the family!! eventually after a nearlly fatal overdose the secret came out, my sisters didn't believe it !!!!! I was attention seeking again!!!but from this I realised I was the only one of three sisters to be abused!


well my question is, my grandfather has one more grandaughter, my cousin!! did he abuse her!!! only my parents and sisters know my little secret and they'll kill me if I ask my cousin!!!! and if he didn't abuse her I'll spoil all the good memories she has of him, just like I spoiled my mother and sisters memories of him!!!


I can't cope knowing I'm the only one, not that i want anyone else to have gone through it, but why only me!!!!!!!!!!!


I feel ashamed for telling you and I may never come to this site again because i feel so dirty and I want to hide from you all cos now you know know my dirty little secret, to be honest I'm just sick of it !


I'm so sorry



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segelov


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Angel eyes


Oh how I feel for you, but do not run away, this place exists so that the likes of us can stop having secrets, so that you can tell, and can share how you feel, absolutely no-one is going to judge you as anything other then brave.  It was never your fault that you were abused.  All of us understand the things that we do to deal with what has happened to us.


You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, you are a bright beautifull person, who needs to acknowledge her past.


We are all here for you.


Please stay around, we would like you to


Take care


segelov


 



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jane


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angel eyes,


first of all, you are safe here, noone is going to judge, we are all here together. dont feel bad for posting your history and feelings. they are yours and they are legitimate.


what happened to you was so very bad, and the reaction you got from your mother was equally as bad, you should have been loved and protected not abused and neglected.


as for the why, i cant answer, there is  no answer that would satisfy, there is no excuse or reason in the world that would answer that question to the tiniest satisfaction. it was a completely selfish, self serving act of depravity that he could never ever ever give an answer for. sorry if i sound harsh. i hate to think you had to go through it.


if you have any concerns for the safety of any child, you need to stop thinking of your mother, you need to let someone know. its not a risk worth taking. she should have done something at the time you informed her, she didnt, you are not her, you are better and stronger, contact an outside agency, nspcc for example. your cousin needs protecting if at risk.


please continue to post, you will get nothing but support here.


stay safe


jane



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angel eyes


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Jane and segelov thank you so much!! and i really mean that!! I am 28 now and my cousin is in her 30's. my grandfather died when I was 16.


Isn't it so exhausting, thinking over and over, questions questions questions, and the truth is i'll never know why!!! It happened, lifes a bitch!!!


i'm going to bed now because i cant cope, my mind is working overtime and I've already said so much, I need to snuggle into a ball and wrap my quilt around me tight.


thank you for your support


if only you knew how much it's helped me tonight!!


thanks


Liann


x


 


 


 



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segelov


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Angel Eyes


Sleep soundly.


segelov


 



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Amaria


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Something struck me when I was reading your story, Angel. You DID NOT ruin your mothers and sisters memories of your grandfather. Your grandfather ruined them!! He should never have done what he did to you!! It's his fault, not yours at all. My family does not know for the most part what happened to me, but I know that they would trust me and believe me. Your mother should have helped you, not criticized you. As for you cousin...you'll never know unless you ask and I can't really tell you to ask or not because your cousin may have a harder time dealing with it than you and that would just be bad. I just started coming here as well, but everyone is right, it feels good to know that there are people out there who understand, and I DO understand. I feel shame as well, and for a very long time I believed it was my fault but I will not allow myself to believe that anymore, i know it wasn't. He was just a very sick man, and the only thing I am sorry about is that I still allow him to affect my life, that I need help becuase of him and that I never told. So good luck to you and never feel ashamed around here. This IS a safe haven.


Melissa



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amanda


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Hi angel eyes


Thank you for sharing like others have said you have nothing to feel sorry about you did nothing wrong that was all down to your grandfather he was an adult you were a little girl remember that.  He does not deserve anyone to have fond memories of him when he did what he did he lost that right.


You are safe here feel free to say what you wish you are part of us.


I hope you have slept well


amanda



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segelov


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Good morning Angel Eyes


Nice to see you - I do hope that you are feeling a little bit better?


Take care


segelov



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