Hi Again *sorry May trigger again *

margaret · Veteran Member

claudine · Moderator

Mags!

Your in a tough, lonely and vulnerable place. You're hurt, that's not feeling sorry for yourself. I have major birthday problems too. I finally started deciding what I really wanted. One year I adopted my dog as a present to me best present I ever got!

How is your father different? Has he acknowledged the damage he caused you? Has he tried to help you heal? Abuse isn't a phase. You're not to blame. Please don't do that to yourself. I understand why you feel that way, but you didn't make it happen.

Indulge in something, spoil yourself a little, call a friend and tell them it's your birthday! I hate to do that too but it's the only way. Hey, you already told us!

(((((((((((HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAGS!!!! ))))))))))))))

c

margaret · Veteran Member

thank you cludine,
it is 4.30am here and i'm just holding it together today has been awful lonely and i'm glad it is over just trying to get through the night panic and fear and sadness are killing me! feeling soory for myself.Thank you again for replying hopefully the morning will come soon thank you so much

claudine · Moderator

Hey girl,

anytime! 4:30 am is a rough hour! get some sleep birthday girl!

sweet dreams

c

claudine · Moderator

or..start playing guess the movie!

margaret · Veteran Member

still up and trying not to get angry to myself feel so alone it is unreal there is a part of me that cannot allow myself to feel the sadness and it is so hard to post here but i cannot cope tonight at all sorry

Lark · Senior Member

Hi Margaret
and

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!!!

I'm sorry I know you probably dont feel like celebrating but I had to send you my best wishes on your birthday! I hope the dawn brings you an okay day and that you're feeling a little better.

Lark

claudine · Moderator

mags,

you've got to be exhausted. don't fight it. get some sleep. your weary. you need rest. please give yourself a break. grab a blanket, lay down on the couch. I do the same thing to myself. Fight the tiredness. but it's not worth it. please get some rest.

c

claudine · Moderator

if you can't sleep, how about asking me some questions? make them good ones!

margaret · Veteran Member

Still here trying to see the morning. Sorry why can't i just get it together. I'm a disaster

jane · Experienced Member

margaret

thinking of you

jane

claudine · Moderator

Hey mags,

sorry, I had to get some shut-eye, all that talk about sleep made me tired! i hope you're feeling better today.

c

liz · Experienced Member

Dear Margaret

Hey, just want to say I'm here for you. I just ache for you and feel your pain. Thank you for sharing it all with us. I hope that maybe writing it down helped to get out some of the overwhelming pain. You don't have to be sorry for any of it. you don't need to apologise, you really don't.

If I'd have known and knew where you lived i'd have sent a birthday card, bought you a plant, spent some time with you. It hurts to know that you were totally on your own.

You're really low just now and struggling with a social work course. Is there anyone there with whom you could talk to - maybe a tutor or someone?

I don't know what to say. I can't make things better for you. Can't take away the pain. I think though when I've been at the bottom it's just made a difference to know that others are there with me. Not necessarily even talking but just their presence helps, to know my pain is aknowledged and i'm not totally alone. Whilst I can't be there physically I am here - as we all are. Write, rant, scream as much as you want to - we'll stay here and listen and love you.

Just holding you in my thoughts today. Can I give you a hug?

(((((((((((((Margaret))))))))))))) maybe that will help..... I hope I haven't offended you.

liz x

amanda · Experienced Member

Hi Margaret

Sorry I was not around to sit with you yesterday and happy belated birthday. Many of us have issues around special dates so don't be sorry. Maybe we should have a birthday list so that we can just send a wish.

Never be sorry the abuse was not your fault never will be. You have every right to be angry but not sorry or guilty you need to know my friend if I can ever give you back what you gave me the other week I will.

I was interested that you are doing a social work course that is the field I took for several reasons but for one I wanted to change the world to stop the abuse of children as someone pointed out on here in my posting on employment that is not going to happen but I do achieve and enjoy the job I actually have no time for social workers even though I am one there are good and bad yep take that on board but I must have got all the bad ones but I hope I have learnt from their mistakes and are a better one myself

Once again a very happy belated birthday and here is a hug instead of a card and a teddy instead of a present

((((()))))

((((((margaret))))))

Best wishes Amanda

margaret · Veteran Member

Thank you all. I'm still here just totally exhausted the self anger frightens me and it is hard to cope with but thanks to all your replies i got through last night and have been given some sedative tonight by my doc to try to calm me down today seeing my Therapist tom. I'm really shaky and feel very vunerable again but it is easier than the anger. The sadness is so deep.I hopefully thouhg will be able to switch off i have my tedy here and all of your kind words to help.
Anyway I cannot really express how incredible grateful i feel to have had such support. I have never in my life felt such kindnes for me. I want to reply to you all but the body will not let me at the mo. Please know all of you how special you all are. I cannot express it enough and i am so humbled by all of you.
I can't say anymore but thank you from my core.
x

-- Edited by margaret at 23:53, 2004-10-13

claudine · Moderator

hey mags,

great to hear you. Sounds like you use that little bit of strength you had to get some help. I'm so glad. rest easy and post more when you're able.