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Post Info TOPIC: MEMORIES WILL TRIGGER
Frog


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Posts: 135
Date:
MEMORIES WILL TRIGGER
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Hi Everyone,


I don't really know how to explain this, but I hop I do it ok and you understand what I am trying to get over, I just need to talk.


For as far back as I can remeber they has been this thing in my family, my mum and dad are so difficult.


For awhile things would go along fine and then I would be the target. Dad would start say something or accuse me of something.


Then the silence then the nasty looks, then mum would join in, of cousre at that young age I beleived it was all my fualt. I did things wrong I didn't do what they said. And I lived mylife in guilt.


I was the cuase, I was the one who had the power to destroy things, my family.


It comes back to me this time of year and iam having more triggers again just little snippets.


I see someone standing at the top of the stairs! I see the eyes look at me with disguest, I know what is coming, the terror is still there, an I am shaking as I write this.


I had a nitmare about my boss last night, he scares me, I dreamt that I did something so wrong at work and he was there looking at me. I always assoicate being in trouble with back then.


This is so odd because as I am writting this I have on;y just realised this stuff.


I remeber the house Oh God that house I hated it so many dark memeries. It's so dark so awful the colours I rember the waiting for whats going to happen, the long hallway.


I never know this stuff, it's just come back to me, how can it be true surly I am making this up! I have to be it can't have happened.  What do I do.


I still don't know who but it had to be them, who else!


She's waiting for me! She's waiting for me! No it's not possible is it! He worked night shift, inthe afternon he would get up I hated that light I remebre the light the sun setting light, I would have to go to bed in the evening it was still light the curtains were closed I hated it I new, Oh Mu God!!!


I am sorry I was going to write something totally different and this has just all come back to me I am sorry.


Frog



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liz


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Posts: 123
Date:
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Dear Frog


As I read your posting I felt frightened by what you said and frightened for you by what you experienced back then and are experiencing now.  That is some scary stuff but also YOU ARE NOW SAFE IN THE PRESENT where none of this can harm you.  Sounds like a very terrifying flashback. 


Are you able to ground yourself in the present?   Some of my 'grounding' techniques include walking around barefoot, touching things around me - say furniture etc.  Others on this forum have suggested things like squeezing ice cubes, and putting rubber bands on your wrists and pinging them against your skin. 


You don't need to apologise for writing what you have even though you weren't origninally going to write any of it.  This is a safe place to share these horrendous thoughts and images and we can give you support and strength to cope.  


I'm not sure that what I have said is of much help but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and that by responding to your post you may feel that more tangibly than just if I'd read it and not replied. 


You're in my thoughts Frog.


liz x



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Frog


Experienced Member

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Posts: 135
Date:
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Thankyou so much for replying Liz,


Your words really helped and I did what you suggested touching the furnature it really helped. thankyou for being so supportive.


Frog



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When one door closes another one opens
jane


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Posts: 116
Date:
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frog,


just read your post. are you ok now, that sounded so hard. im glad liz's advice helped. how are you doing now


got to go someone at door, just want you to know you are not alone


take care frog


sorry its short didnt want to go without posting this.


jane



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Frog


Experienced Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 135
Date:
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Thankyou Jane,


I am much better this morning, much better! It was an awfull trigger last night.


But just better.


I feel so fuse sometimes, I have just replied to another post, and I can turn my emtions on and off, I think becuase it gets to much for me so I just become ok again, obvoulsy not good for the long term.


But I had to survive all those years behaveing in a certain way, and not showing emtion.


but honestly I am ok and thankyou so much for your concern I am sorry if I really worried everyone I really didn't mean too, but thanks for the support, it really helps.


Big Hugs if that ok with you,


An thank you


Frog



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When one door closes another one opens
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