Hi I'm new

angel eyes · Veteran Member

Hi I'm new

ouchzone · Experienced Member

Welcome to the forum angel eyes, glad you've found us.

Sounds like your partner can't cope with this stuff. It is very difficult for those around us. But you can talk here.

Best wishes

ouch

liz · Experienced Member

Hi Angel eyes

Welcome. You've taken the first step in having the courage in write. You're with people who know what you're talking about and can empathise and support you.

You've done the right thing. I finallky broke the silence of 25 years about 3 1/2 years ago. Silence didn't heal the overwhelming pain and though having now disclosed the journey isn't at all easy I just know it was the only thing to do. I think you have to go with your gut feelings on this one. It doesn't help though if your husband/partner finds the whole thing really difficult to cope with and then neatly passes the buck. I know I have one who does just that and says what yours said too. That's their problem not yours - though I know it feels like it is.

But we'll be here for you. You're safe here and we're a friendly bunch!

I wish you well on your journey. Keep safe and be kind to yourself hard though that sometimes is.

amanda · Experienced Member

Hi angel eyes

and welcome please be assured you are not crazy we have all stood where you are standing and some of us will stand there again as sometimes self doubt is a big barrier.

It can be difficult for partners to understand and at times they need support themselves sometimes thats hard for us to understand we lived the abuse we still live with the memories but sometimes there negativeness is because they don't know what to say I don't know if I believe it but I was once told that other love ones can feel your pain but cannot handle it.

I hope you keep posting on a personal note I have been given much support here and I am sure you will too

Take Care

Amanda

angel eyes · Veteran Member

Thank you very much for replying to my post, i was so nervous that no-one would reply. It's such a comfort to finally find somewhere i can reveal the real me, to people who really do understand, thank you so much.

take care

Liann

Sue · Veteran Member

Hi Angel eys,

I feel all the time that I am among friends who understand and share my experience. I hope you will be too. About the husbands/partners been there and still there. I always answered the calling of crazy with: "It is a privilege to be crazy, not anyone can reach this high status". I know that I am different, weird and crazy because I am sensitive, sensible and intelligent and that is why I am proud to be me. So, do not hesitate to share all your thoughts positive and negative with us. Take care and do not worry, tomorrow always brings new exciting things.

Sue

jane · Experienced Member

Hi angel eyes,

im glad you had the strength to post, i think we were all so nervous at the start and from my point, it still makes me nervous.

i know how you feel about the partners, the lack of support at home is hard, that is why i come here. you will find it here though and i hope you keep posting.

stay safe

jane

Frog · Experienced Member

Hi Angel Eyes,

Just wanted to welcome you to and say it's a brave step that post and well done. It's never easy.

Your partner does sound as though he doesn't know how to deal with it. I am 25 and only started to talk about it when I was 22 i think! I had a similar reaction from my partner too.

It is difficult but don't feel gulity for breaking the silence it's not your fault and breaking that silence is a big step for you so go easy and be gentle on yourself.

There are some really helpfull books I have a few now which I still read which helps me answer questions about myself, mitght help you.

Take care - and go easy on yourself

Frog

leckie · Senior Member

hi angel eyes

when i first let my partner know it was through dreams it went on for about three years we did talk a little about it but not much as i was not ready to talk but about a year later i was ready with jill i had a great need to verbally tell her what hapened but when i started she said that she knows what happened so i ended up shouting at her through frustration and told her to just shut up for once dont give me any opinions just need you to listen and hear what i am saying she did and she learnt things that she never new and that was the start for me of letting it out totally as i knew it was time to deal with it it sound as if it is kind of the same for you here with your partner you just need to let it out you have to let your partner know this as hard as it is for you both but you need to talk and you want to talk to your partner

take care leckie

spanglemaker · Veteran Member

Hello Angel Eyes

I'm new too, so it's great to see someone else finding the courage to speak up and ask for support from people who do care and understand. Well done you!

Opening up to a partner or close friend is always a risk. What I have learnt is that how they handle it is often more to do with their stuff than to do with you as a person. For example, I have had two boyfriends use the knowledge that I have survived years of childhood abuse, to discount my being angry at them when they did something I did not like. A case of - oh she is mentally ill and always will be - so whenever I got angry with them over things I was not happy about they would use the 'abuse' as a way of discounting my feelings. And so the cycle continued!

Yes - it is so so very healing to share and be open about our pain. It also goes a long way to developing an understanding of the way we are and how we can change and thrive. Only by shining a light on the darkness of the past can we know ourselves, become far more wise and sensitive people and grow rather than stagnate. Just be aware that not every one is going to be able to hear you. That is why I think everyone here on this site is so special. We are safe here. That feels good to know.

Nice to meet you

Love

Spanglemaker

angel eyes · Veteran Member

I tried once again to talk to my partner about how I was feeling, I asked if he'd like to read the first chapter of my journal, which as you know reveals a lot. I thought if he knew exactly how much pain and terror I've been through as a child he'd understand why I get so crazy and unhappy at times. His reply was 'i'd rather not, unless you need me to'. I felt so rejected, I ran upstairs and sobbed like a baby. later on we had a good heart to heart that went on for hours, I told him that I needed to talk to someone and asked why he didn't want to read my journal, so he read it! He broke down and explained to me that it was just too painfull to read about things like that happening to someone he loved so much, I understand where he's coming from a little more now, it's not that he doesn't care he just doesn't know what to say or do! I don't want to talk about my abuse every day i just need to know that when it does get too much on my own i can say hold me and he'll know why!

I apologise for going on, but I feel better for it because you all know how i feel don't you? (hope so)

thanks

Liann, angel eyes!

jem · Veteran Member

Hi Angeleyes,

Your last post was so lovely and I think it shows how much your partner loves you, and I am so pleased for you. We also have to try and be gentle with our partners. They know little of the turmoil we live through day after day. I think it must be very hard for them to think about someone abusing the person they love so much.

Liann as I m writing this I have a lump in my throat and feel very emotional about your post, and wish my partner would say something like that.You seem to be a very lucky person in that respect.

I thought my uncle had only abused me, but when I disclosed I found out that he had abused my older brother some 4 years earlier. I had no thoughts of violence to my abuser until this time, but when I thought about what he had done to my brother I really wanted to give him the most horrible death I could think of. So I can see the point from where your partner is coming from. Its very hard to deal with.

Liann, thank you for your last post, Im so glad you got here, and I hope you find what you are looking for.

Take care.

Jem