Very difficult day *may Trigger*

margaret · Veteran Member

amanda · Experienced Member

Hello Margaret

I am so sorry you are having a bad day and I am here for you. It is a personal opinion but I believe it is easier to show compassion for others then for ourselves but as we continue our journeys hopefully that will improve.

You can and you will go on you are a strong person and as I have learnt from being here the support is out there there are lots who will listen and help

Sending you some positive vibes hopefully

Take gentle care of yourself

Amanda

jane · Experienced Member

margaret,

im am so so sorry you are having the day that you are, i wish there was more i could do for you. please know that it WILL get better, the person that treated you so badly WILL NOT win. you are strong enough to do this, i have belief that we are all here as we are strong and fighting our pasts to be better people. i dont know how to say this to you without sounding condesending as i know when you feel this way, there seems no way up, but there is and we are all with you as you go through this.

you are in my thoughts and i wish for you safety and warmth, the ocean and a teddy (i know they are your comforters)

stay safe margaret

jane

ellie · Senior Member

Dear margaret,

Like amanda and jane i am thinking of you and hope that you get some comfort from reading these replys. We are here anytime and will offer our support as best as we can.

Your replys to peoples post (including my first post) have always demonstrated your strength and belief in yourself and all of us. I know that it seems to desert us some days normally when we need it most. It is there even when we cant feel it- i believe in you and your strength to get through this, i truly hope tomorrow is a bit easier for you.

Thinking of you and take care

ellie

margaret · Veteran Member

Thank you Jane, Amanda and Ellie,
for the support it really means so much to know that you could all be bothered even replying and it is humbling to think that you all send me such good thoughts. I think in a way the cries of those children were my own silent cry (sorry)
I'm going from hour to hour today and am dreading the night but all your strength has meant so much to me.I really need it at the moment not sure i deserve itbut it is so appreciated.I hope the night ends soon.
Thank you all again from the bottom of my heart.

Frog · Experienced Member

Hi Margaret,

I don't really know what to say, that hasn't been said already, but just to say WE are all here for you, your not alone, we are walking through the night with you giving you strength. You WILL get better Life will get better.

We are all here looking for the answers trying to get over what has happened to us, and we will all get there, and I have never known such strength from a group of poeple, an we are all here for you.

I am babling abit trying to help, but the words are coming out to will so if this sounds odd I am sorry.

Ok this is a really bad joke but it always makes me laff I hope it makes you laff to... here goes.

It's about Bill and Ben the Flower Pot Men....

Bill and Ben were in the bath, and Bill went flobbber doooobbber lllooobler, and Ben said you do that again and I am getting out of here!

Take care Frog

margaret · Veteran Member

Hi all,
I have never felt such kindness from people. I want to reply to you all personally but am just not able at the moment. If you all knew me would would say that this is not the same person. but i honestly have not the energy to be the person i was. Being needy is much more difficult than needing. I hate myself for asking for help from anyone. This is not the me i know. But i donot have the energy anymore and am really really strugglling.On a positive note (if there is one in all this crap!) i have made it through another day and it is mainly thanks to everyone here who have accepted me in this terrible state and did not dismiss me.
For that i will be eternally grateful.
I really need the strength at the moment.

I,m editting this now as i have just spoken to my ex who lives in the states andd who knows about thesexual abuse my father did to me. He did not know what had happened years ago until now and he has been great support isuch supportedways and when i met him was amzing in helping me fighht the control of my family. I rang for some words of love and acceptenece and got his anger (which is directed at my father) in the face. he feels thatI need to get angry to get through this but i'm not there yey. It is a short time I'm only st thid few months i wish there was a process GET ANGRY- then all will be fine.It is a very difficult situation for him at the moment. but i know he cares and this is really hard for him. He has heard me cryin g and totally brought down by this but when i tried to explain tonight what was happening all he could say is get angry. He is so so angry at my parents and feels that i need to be that angry but it is not there. He thinks the answer is to confront them now but I'm not ready I am so mxed up and now i feel i have lost the one person who loved me so much and knows my core. again! I want to write and tell him i'm sorry and he is right but i'm afraid whatever i do i will lose him. I need him as my rock which he as always been but know i feel he hates me and my calls and sees me as a burden and weak. this has made me think what am i doing here even because i am weak and feeling sorry for myself.I am no use to anyone and am hurting everyone can i go back now how will this end this is not good i should be up fighting like he said and not giving up together.
I just nee a hug being held and someone to stroke my hair and tell me it ok to feel lkie this and it is all ok I'm even ok

-- Edited by margaret at 00:35, 2004-09-30

ellie · Senior Member

Hi margaret,

You are ok and if i could send you a hug i would. You are not weak, needy or feeling sorry for yourself and its perfectly ok to feel the way you feel. You are a strong person because you have survived what happened and now you are facing it and for me its been the hardest thing i have ever had to do in my life. I agree its hard to ask for help because it seems so alien to us, we do nto want to be seen as weak or helpless ever again.

Your ex wil be angry but then he doesnt have to cope with the pain and fear that abuse causes, you need some gentle care from somebody not their angry words. Give yourself time and take special care of yourself.

thinking of you

ellie

margaret · Veteran Member

Thanks Ellie for your reply.like everyone else you are helping me so much get through this. I'm going to my T today and while I'm dreading it it is a good thing at the moment. The feeling of not coping well is horrible as we all know but the support you have all given me has got me through the last few awful days when i feel like I'm drowning. I hope i havent turned people off me with all these negative feelings and thoughts. Wouln't it be great if i could get angry and that would solve it as my ex thinks! Anyway I am a fun person underneath all this negativity so please bear with me if you can. You have all got me to today and for that I'm unbelievable grateful.
x
I just wanted to tell everyone that I'm through another day and to try to express my thanks (such a small word for what i feel). All of you have become my empowerers to keep going and have all helped me more than i will ever be able to say. I'm hanging in mainly thanks to the very special, kind generous and giving people here. I can't still believe you all bothered so much and spoke such encouraging and inspiring words.I can't say any more at the mo.
You are all amazing.

-- Edited by margaret at 00:06, 2004-10-01