please help..its coming back

jane · Experienced Member

please help..its coming back

claudine · Moderator

I'm sorry, jane. I've experienced the same. I don't know what to do either. I keep my eyes open and tell myself he's not there over and over. I sleep on the couch with the tv on. Anything to try to break away from what is triggering that response. It helps, but just dealing with it is exhausting and upsetting and there's rarely anyone to talk to about it because I don't want to be reminded and I don't want to have to deal with anyone else 'dealing' with my issues. It's a dangerous place to be. But it's not your fault. I hope it helps to hear that.

c

margaret · Veteran Member

Hi Jane,
Margaret here. I want you to know that
I have been where you are too and i know how awful it is. All I can say is that I'm thinking of you and hope and know you will get through this. I honestly thought I would not survive what you are talking about when I experienced it but I did and had a 'good day' since. Which is such a blessing. I hope you have that good day soon. Think of nice things the ocean always cheers me up or a favorite teddy!
Hope you are ok thinking of you,
Margaret.

rob · Veteran Member

Hi

Just read your message...The thing that came to me was...Are you safe where you are? It is important to be in a safe place when you are like this. Yes , I agree with the other replies. Surround yourself with things that bring happy thoughts. Play music, have background TV etc, to occupy your thoughts. You gave no indication of the environment you are in, I hope this small reply will offer help and support. I know it is not much but you are not alone.

Take care of yourself and be safe...

-- Edited by rob at 21:05, 2004-09-27

leckie · Senior Member

hi jane

i realy feel bad that you are going through this i have also went through it and i could feel the pain he was causing me and could see him almost as clear as day but i think we have to go through it to get it out dreams are a verry powerfull thing and sometimes to real but it has to come its letting us know that our minds are dealing with what has happened to us and that we are facing it and wining i know it is terible to go through but just remember that you are wining and it will fade away as mine has they havn't stoped yet but hopefully in time they will then i will know i have won as you will to

take care john x

jane · Experienced Member

thank you so much for your replies, it means so much to know you are there. this is so scary, i can feel him in the room with me. i feel again like the girl i was, 15 years old, when this stage of my childhood evolved. old enough to say no, old enough to face him, but fear stopped me and i let it happen. i pretended to be asleep. how do i stop the feeling knowing i didnt stop it first time round. now i feel guilty for telling you that. sorry

i am not alone in the house, i live with my husband, but i may as well be alone. sh8t im useless. sorry again

jane

CHEEKY DRAGON · Newbie

Oh Jane, I know exactly where you're coming from. My abuse started when I was 15. It was like he was waiting for me to bloom. I was already beaten into submission and had kind of accepted that this was our normal way of life, and then the sexual abuse started. And of course, at that age you know exactly what is acceptable behaviour and what is not and yet, I still couldn't say no. I had no fight left. It was just like 'okay, if I put my head down, not whimper, and take the beating' it will pass. And then BANG sexual abuse. How do you deal with that.

It took me months of therapy to acknowledge the emotions. Pain, humiliation, absolute anger at being so weak. Not saying NO! I just let it happen too.

It's taken me 12 years to get this far. I've only just come out to the family. And you know what. It's fantastic. I feel free. My family is with me.

I've got a long way to go, I have good days and bad. If I allow myself to feel sad about it, it doesn't take long for the downward spiral to kick in. But those days are gradually getting farther and farther away.

I have a mantra.

I am not alone.

I say this to myself often, I read these pages and acknowledge the cruelty in this world. But I am not alone, and neither are you.

Take heart Jane, I promise it gets better.

You are a beautiful person, no-one can take that away from you.

Cheeky D