Lack of help & recognition

ouchzone · Experienced Member

Lack of help & recognition

segelov · Experienced Member

Hi ouch

You and I appear to be the same sort of age - I have been told that I should put it all behind me and get on with my life by some people! what do they think that I have been doing? My GP is also very helpful, but she can no more help me find the sort of help that I need except may be if I am willing to pay, but even then she is not sure. Like you I find this site invaluable because there is a lovely community of people here who do not judge and who let me know that my feelings are not so unusual.

When I was studying as a mature student, it was a great shock to me to find out how many people have been sexualy abused and how it does affect the way they interact with the world, but what was much more shocking was how many people believed and still believe that all other types of abuse ar just ways of "disciplining" the next generation. Therefore as long as there where no visible signs of this disciplining it was alright - I still gringe when I see any one shouting at their child and even more when they are slapped. But back to how to get the NHS to address the problems we older survivors have - I do not have any answers, 'cause the young who have multiple medical problems do not get all the help they need - I am there and as a vociferous complainer on behalf of my daughter there just is not the help available because the system is under-resourced, etc. etc.

Take care

HAVOCA · Trustee

HAVOCA gets lots of emails about this lack of understanding/commitment from the NHS.

A publicity campaign sounds like the best idea - but that needs money!

I'd be interested in everyone's views on this topic.

Jamie

ellie · Senior Member

This is really interesting and theres lots of relevent comments and observations. I recently visited by GP because i needed some time off work. I took the brave step of telling him i had been abused as a child and had recently had difficulties coping day to day and at work. He immediatey thought i was talking about sexual abuse but at the time it was the effects of addressing the physical and psycological abuse that was causing me problems. I couldnt explain anymore and just wanted to get out of there as quick as possible. I think that ouch is right people do equate abuse with sexual abuse.

I have had similar reactions to segelov about peoples acceptance of abuse as ways of 'disciplining' children. As part of a course i had to give a talk on childrens rights, the discussion somehow centered around the physical disciplining of children. I had a fight on my hands and couldnt believe that the majority of people in the group thought that children would only learn what was wrong by smacking them and one said that she thought 'children had to feel fear to understand that what they were doing was wrong!' This is all from a group of health professionals working with children! I couldnt believe what i was actually hearing, these were suppossed to be people who would act as a childs advocate and this is what they believe and think! This makes me so bloody angry just thinking of their attitudes

I think a publicity campaign would be great. This thought came to me yesterday when it was the biggest coffee morining in the UK for breast cancer awareness. I sat at work drinking my coffee after making my donation and looked around the room at all the people. I wondered if people would be willing to give their time and be as generous if it was to raise money for the effects of child abuse

We all know that mental health issues are not given the recognition and resources that are needed, but with regards to the effects of child abuse people just are not aware and dont want to be aware.

ellie.

HAVOCA · Trustee

Do you think it is because there are a lot more victims out there that haven't come forward? Is it because they are still hiding behind their own denial?

What could we do to encourage a more caring approach than 'Just get over it and move on!'

Is there as much taboo around the subject of rape? Or is it more socially accepteble to be recovering from rape then it is to be in recovery from child abuse?

May be I already know the answers! But your thoughts would be welcome.

At the end of the day, lets not get wrapped up in everyone else's ignorance, but concentrate on the positive side of our own community, slowly we can lift the veil of secrecy, one person at a time, one day at a time.

Jamie

ps I've started to hate my computer - not only did I lose all the HAVOCA emails/lists/letters/articles - but I lost my personal collection of photographs.

-- Edited by HAVOCA at 23:00, 2004-09-25

Frog · Experienced Member

Hi,

I really think a publicity campagain would be great! I feel alot of poeple don't want to know has they can't deal with it, but that is from a surviors point of view, I would always avoid the news incase something came up like abuse of 'R' I can't bring myself to say that word I am sorry.(and why is it every film you watch these days has a women being 'R' in it. has it become socially acceptable it really gets to me I can't deal with it.

But to get back to the point, I think an awarness campaign. for parents and children alike. You can get information on how many sexual offenders are living in your area, but how many poeple know this? I don't know.

What about writting a book Jamie, You have so much info, and lots of useful and great advice!

Just some ideas .. sorry if I seem alittle enthisatic about this, I find it a subject that gets me going, I want to help and stop it happening to others!

Frog

ouchzone · Experienced Member

Hi Frog,

Re:really think a publicity campagain would be great! I feel alot of poeple don't want to know has they can't deal with it, but that is from a surviors point of view, I would always avoid the news incase something came up like abuse of 'R' I can't bring myself to say that word I am sorry.(and why is it every film you watch these days has a women being 'R' in it. has it become socially acceptable it really gets to me I can't deal with it.

I'm having problems with the TV too. This R thing made my daughter and I angry too. My 16 year old son viewed it as entertainment and I got really angry with him. I rarely get angry with my children. I had to stop listening to the news several years ago as it made S*. Now I never know what's going on. I feel a coward for 'running away' Another thing they say a lot on TV. But cowardice is one up on being in total apathy and that naughty S word.

I'm concerned others could get traumatised by raising awareness. It's happened to me to the point of S* over something different. The talk of abuse doesn't cause me to become this way. It's the problem with back to front points of view again. I think a book would be great. Then people can choose to read it or not. You're not giving them the details just the review and the choice. So only people who can handle it will read it. It ought to be compulsory for health care professionals of couse! You've done it before Jamie. I'll help you with this one.

ouchzone

michelle · Senior Member

Does the UK have any volunteer organizations to help abused and neglected children?

Michelle

ellie · Senior Member

Jamie,

Re: your questions

'are there a lot more victims out there who have not come forward?'- you dont really need the answer to that but i will give it anyway, YES.

'are they still hiding behind their denial' - ditto, me being one of them until recently.

'How to encourage a more caring approach'. If you are talking about in the NHS then while training the most interesting and valuable lectures were given by outside speakers (says a lot about the university lecturers!) this was because they were passionate and knowledgable about their subject. That relies on getting invited or inviting yourself to be a speaker on study days and courses. It would also depend on getting the content of the pre and post reg courses changed to include effects of child abuse. How many mountains do you want to climb

Books are great, i love books but are they going to get the message across to people if they dont want to listen.

Has there ever been any documentries on this subject?

I think that maybe people are more accepting of people recovering from rape because it is sometimes a fairly recent event(not always i know). The responses i get about child abuse are 'it happened so long ago', 'maybe you are not remembering correctly', 'you didnt know what was happening, you were only a child'.

ellie

I will try not to get too frustrated by peoples ignorance.

Growing roots and wings · Veteran Member

Hi Ouch. Once again, another good topic.

I've often wondered if there is any literature documenting the types of impacts due to the various abuse types, especially categorized by age abuse commenced.

I'm also a firm believer that abuse impacts you on myriad levels that are hard to track/quantify. For instance:
SOCIAL::
- how many people never had birthday parties, graduation parties, house-warming parties,
- got married in a small ceremony at city hall,
- live their lives like criminals afraid to be noticed or celebrated for anything about themselves.
SPIRITUAL:
How many of us feel comfortable or safe within a religious community? How many of us are afraid they'll receive ridicule or rejection? How many of us get solace from attending church?
FINANCIAL:
How many of us have been able to use our money wisely, saving for the future rainiy day? How many of us have missed filing tax returns, missed filling work claims for dental services, messed up their credit reating, missed claiming money that was really yours.
HEALTH: How many of us get good health care?