Hey Frog (like your avatar by the way)

With all of the negative experiences i've had, I don't really like anyone to hug me. It could be that you're really angry with your mum or it could be something else. I find that when Im really angry with someone, I absolutely do not want any physical contact whatsoever with that person.  I definitely felt my mother should have played a more active role in protecing me. Do you feel like that?

c

hey....

I have a similar thing with my folks. my parents did not sexually abuse me, they were not the best parents, in any way shape or form, and I often felt emotionally neglected and or abused. it was not necessarily in the way other people would describe abuse.... iill try and explain what I mean.... I was always in trouble, no matter what i did, i had done something wrong. my dad used to hit me occassionally, not over hard, but a slap round the face or a shove or a grab and a yank or the arm. his style was more shouting and getting aggressive and intimidating. my mum used to cry and scream and psychologically get me to believe that her misery was my fault. i was put down a lot, too noisy, too attention seeking, a liar, a liar a liar..... i was irresoponsible, i was rude, they used to say nice things about me too, but these were all about my academic ability- i was an intelligent child. they always let me know that, but it as more of a threat than a compliment. as in you use your intelligence, or we will punish you. they measured success in life by academic achievement etc. they also didnt protect me from my abuser.

with this in  mind I am reluctant to have physical contact with them. a hug from my mother makes me tense right up and i often get very upset afterwards.

i dunno if non abused folk have the same thing, but for me, i love to get cuddles from a person i trust compleely, like two of my friends. i cherish the safe closeness and I need it.

Hi Guys,

Thanks for your replies once again, it's always so good to get them and get a diffierent take on things.

I have been thinking more again over the past few days, and more things, well I guess more questions sre coming to me, I wanted to write and ask again if anyone feels the same as I do.

With my mum, I find it so hard to have a reltionship with her I often am just acting the way I should not becuase I want to but because I have to.

My parents know I was abused, thanks to my ex-husband telling them. Anyway I was talking to my mum last night and asked her if there is anyone she could think of who may have done it seeing as I cannot remeber.

She said No I have been racking my brians but cant think who, she started to get alittle upset and so I said it wasn't her fault, and try to comfort her by saying there was nothing you could do. she then said they are poeple you don't trust but you have to, or something like that it was odd to me I didn't really understand what she was saying, and then I said well it may never have happend again trying to make her feel better, Then she said maybe it wasn't YOU maybe it was you saw it happen to someone and you were told to shut up! she said it with such connviction such power and meaness, it was so scary, I kinda of froze I wasn't looking at her when she said it thank god! but it was weried.

So my brain goes into overdrive why would she say that, all this time I have never thought of that senoro, and I know it happened to me.

I was thinking of my childhood and alot of my unhappiness and feeling lonely and scared is down to her, could it have been her, I ask myself? Or was it that she was just a bad parent.

Any ideas comments, etc.... would be great

Take care all

Frog