why am i so angry

ratty · Member

why am i so angry

leckie · Senior Member

hi ratty sorry your in a bad way, doese your partner know about the abuse ? yes ratty i have felt like that and still do sometimes i went through it for four years with my x but unfortunitally she couldn't understand and it got to much for her i became so depressed with keeping it locked away but trying to let it out at the same time i never ate slept or talked all i did was work as i felt safe there and could pretnd i was someone else i told everyone i was ok but i was ready to burst and had to go and cry sometimes it is really hard to deal with on your own if you havent told your partner then maybe you should start there as she is the closest to you and will help her understand the way you are there is no shame as you were not to blame for what hapened to you, it's to difficult going through it on your own and i know that as i went through most of it myself and to be honest i am verry lucky that i am still here i had so much anger hatred and shame inside of me there seamed that there was no other way out but there is tell some one and that is the start of letting it out properly you need someone to talk to verbally and to be given a cuddle when you need it so maybe start with your partner she will get upset but also she will be there to listen and comfort you good luck and try you will survive

leckie

Raindancer · Veteran Member

Hi ratty,

You reminded me of a child protection study day that i had to attend last year. I wanted so much to get up and walk out (because i was feeling soooooooo angry) and yet i couldnt because i was afraid people would notice and put two and two together. It makes it worse doesnt it when your walking around with these feelings and yet you cant talk to anyone about them? Leckie made a good point, does your partner know about the abuse?. Your in a job where no doubt that you will see and hear things that trigger off such emotions within you...and i do think its important to have that someone(s) to talk to, because im sure the last thing you want is for it to effect your job (if it does/will). I am glad you could come here to share whats going on for you though, and look forward to getting to know you more.

Take gentle care for now,

Raindancer

amanda · Experienced Member

Hi ratty

Glad you found this site and welcome. We all have days when we scream and shout or want too and cannot or don't know how.

But maybe you can share and vent some of your anger through posting here. It is hard working with children as it throws up many memories for us who have been abused but as you gain in strength and knowledge you will be able to contribute more because of your personal insight.

I always dread courses incase I say something that I shouldn't or will regret because it is interpreted by others I hate my protective barrier to be challenged.

you may decide to talk to your partner and I know when I have posted before I have said if you trust them to tell accept that they may need support as well it isn't easy being the partner of a survivor.

As you will have seen there is a section in this forum for partners carers etc

Take care and I wish you well in your job and your degree

Amanda

ratty · Member

hi guys thanks for the support i did tell my partner about the abuse but its hard for other people who havent had dealings with this to really understand its not only the sexual abuse but also the emotional and physical that i have had to deal with from various people in my life i hate my self for allowing them to be still winning iv tried so hard to get to this point in my life where things are good but they win always it doesnt just affect who you are as a person inside but affects your relationships i.e its difficult to let people in i push people away when all i want is to let them in to be able to let them hold me i have had some counselling in the past and have been depressed which is how i feel like know but i dont want to admit that in case it ruins my career esp as iv worked damm hard to be here when for a longtime i didnt think i would make it its helping speaking to other people on here am also on a local waiting list for counselling but that is a long drawn out process.

thanks guys