bad night *may trigger or not*.

margaret · Veteran Member

bad night *may trigger or not*.

feemarie · Senior Member

Hi Margaret,

First of all can i say how truly sorry i am that you are having a bad night, i feel your pain and wanted you to know you arent alone. i have times where i feel the way you do now.

quote:The act or game that my family plays is one that has been played for years and how can i learn to take the mask off and become me. Who am I anyway? This persona has done me the best part of 30 years but it is as if the costume doesn't fit anymore but it feels ok to keep it even though it is getting increasing uncomfortable.

I can totally understand you on that cos that is the way i feel too. I know just how hard it is keeping a mask on and trying to find who you are underneath that mask is difficult, i am just myself starting to find who i am. i also know about feeling disgust for your inner child.

it will get better margaret, i know it will for us both, i am so sorry i cannot be more helpful but know that i am here for you and feel what you are going through and understand. you really arent alone.

try to keep your chin up and know that you are in my heart and thoughts.

take gentle care

fee

x

ellie · Senior Member

Margaret,

I really feel for you in trying to cope with your family and the games they play. My abuser is no longer in my life, but i live in fear that he will turn up as he has done once before. I really dont know how i would cope if he was around all the time. What i'm trying to say is that i think you are so brave and showing such strength in putting up with this, i know you dont feel like that at the moment. Your self belief and inner strenght have got you to where you are today, give yourself credit for that and do something nice for yourself because you deserve it.

I can relate to how you feel about being in limbo, i feel so upset after some of my therapy sessions and often think that i cant keep doing it. My therapist asked if i wanted a break from therapy for a while, i said no. I cant stop this or go back or forget but im so scared of what else is to come and if i can cope.

I really hope that your night was not too troubled and that today you feel a little stronger.

Thinking of you and take care.

ellie

jane · Experienced Member

margaret,

iam sorry that you feel so low and that my post may have triggered something difficult. what has happened, it appears, is something that has made us what we are. i struggle immensely with that as i am not sure i even like who that person is. we post here for support both for ourselves and for others here, but in doing that it would seem that we may hurt someone that we really do not want to give any more pain than they already have.

i hope you are taking care and have a support system closeby. take time for yourself, take the mask off, forget the outside world and be who you want to be if only for a short time at first.

know that someone here will listen and be there when you need it, there are no masks required here, that i have found by visiting, it has been a great help for me just knowing that people here dont need any pretence we are who we are and thatis fine.

stay safe

jane

amanda · Experienced Member

Hi Margaret

Sorry you are feeling so down and hoping that things will soon begin to lift. You are amongst people who you can trust and will support you.

This last weekend I felt so low and the people here gave me so much support I don't think I will ever be able to repay them for what they did for me.

I broke contact with my family and extended family many years ago not for me because the abuse was my life I knew nothing else I am weak but I wanted to protect my children I hoped their lives could be different I have struggled and still do I fear ever seeing them again.

I find it hard to forgive this inner child that is me she does not deserve mine or anyone elses compassion, forgiveness or love so you are not alone but hopefully with time we can move on.

Just reading posts from others over these last few weeks have given me an inner strength and I hope you and others feel the same

Sorry If this makes no sense but I thought I new what I was saying

Amanda: