is this all i am?

jane · Experienced Member

is this all i am?

margaret · Veteran Member

Daer Jane
Hang in there it is awful and there are many who feel this at timessin their lives. It is as if all you are is abused and all you will ever be is 'used property' i know the awful feeling of wanting to think that this doesn't define every aspect of your personality but you survived and am so much more than your abuse. It is not who you are the job I guess though i'm hoping is to find you.I truly also strive for what i percieve normality somtimes it does come in a nice walk with a friend and a glass of red wine after i have found i am able to that for two hours! Victory
Take care breathe and know that someone elsa knowshow hard it isand is
Thinking of you.

-- Edited by margaret at 22:06, 2004-09-15

jane · Experienced Member

Margaret,

i cant thank you enough, for taking the time to read what i put AND for actually posting a reply. my lack of self worth at the moment is immeasurable and for you to take the time has meant so much to me today.

i logged on yesterday not knowing what to expect, but finding people who understand is a great strength, continuing with everyday trials and striving for "normality" is hard work and i sincerley thank you.

stay safe

jane

HAVOCA · Trustee

Hi Jane,

Your pain and hurt touch me deep inside, I am so sorry for your past and wish you every bit of strength while you struggle down the path to recovery.

You probably know by now that there aren't any easy answers or miracle cures, but one thing is for sure you aren't alone. You never have to be alone again.

Take each day at a time and each issue slowly and carefully, but above all remember you are the victim in all of this so treat yourself gently.

If you'd like to talk more privately or otherwise, you are always welcome,

Warm regards

Jamie

Raindancer · Veteran Member

Hi Jane,

I just wanted to say that i hear you, and that im listening. It's so hard to see the person you are sometimes amoungst the pain, hurt and confusion....im sure many of us have asked this question also 'Is this all i am?'. Jamie is right, take each day for now as it comes and then slowly work on these feelings. I know for myself that sometimes having a reminder as to who i am helps greatly (more often than not its a friend that lists my qualities/acheivements) and i do find this helps me to see im not a product of my abuse.

Please be gentle on yourself and i really do hear your pain

Raindancer

jem · Veteran Member

Hi Jane,

Dont know if you have read yet but I have sent you a private message.

I too feel like you, and it really is hard to carry on when you feel the world is against you when you feel so low.

Keep looking ahead though, not back and try and focus on some small positive thing.

Take care

Jeremy

jane · Experienced Member

right now, at this moment in time, there is no positive

i am making bad decisions, i am doing it all wrong

i dont know how to do this, i come here to people that have some understanding but i still cant do this

how do i do this!

im a stupid stupid person

sorry

segelov · Experienced Member

Dear Jane

You are a brave person, please believe in yourself as I am sure that every one here believes in you.

Feeling so low is not stupid, you are here because of what others did to you, and none of that is your falt or responsibility.

Please take out some time to care for yourself.

We all care.

jane · Experienced Member

im so scared

i dont want this to be me

jem · Veteran Member

Dear, Dear Jane,

I feel so much for you, as this last week, I have felt exactly the same and am just starting to come out of the other side. You are not stupid.

I too dont want this. I dont want to be a "survivor" I want to be me, to get rid of all these thoughts and demons in my head.

I cant offer you advice on how to make it go away. All I can say is try and get to someone who you can off load to. I went back to my doctor and my counsellor as I felt/feel suicidal.

Am slowly making some decisions on how to handle my life.

Jane, please hang in there, dont despair, there will be a brighter day. Please believe me, and thanks for the private message.

Be careful

Jem

amanda · Experienced Member

Hello Jane

all I want to say is I am with you all the way I may not be much use but I share the little energy I have with you

Take Care

Amanda

jane · Experienced Member

I haven't posted for a couple of days as I couldn't find the words for how low i actually felt.

i have to say thank you, to you all for your words of support, i am aware that it is very hard out there for all of us, so for you to take the time for me mean't so much, even though it has taken me a couple of days to acknowledge this. i truly thankyou, i cannot say this strongly enough.

please take care of yourselves, you are all special, remember that

stay safe

jane

ratty · Member

hi you are so much more than that you are some1 who is surviving its a hard climb not sure when you ever gonna reach the summit but hang in there to make it through anthour day sending ya a <hug> ratty

ouchzone · Experienced Member

I get days I'm afraid to read my mail. Afraid of the replies. Even more afraid of no replies. Hard to find the words too. Finding words is really hard when things get that bad. It's right when you need them they desert you. Sometimes I don't even trust myself to post. I'd probably get chucked off. Times like you're having I don't think I could even switch the PC on. But it's not always like that. We're here to listen. I grew up thinking I was stupid. Then I found I wasn't. It was all the other stuff stopping my brain from working. You don't come across as stupid. Just having a very bad time. It'll turn around with help. We're here.

Take care of yourself. Does music help?

ouchzone

jane · Experienced Member

ouch,

thanks for your reply, i too worry that i wont get one, or that i have upset someone with something i have said and they are going to tell me so very harshly.

at the moment i dont think anything could help, it feels all consuming, but saying that, finding this site has been a comfort and over the last day i have posted quite a bit, talking (typing) gets some of it out of my head and so far noone seems to mind. its there all the time though at the moment, i dont even know what "it" is, its just there, constantly, the overwhelming powerlessness. i know what happened but the effect currently has me paralysed, continuing with the life steps is so difficult and it is expected of me so i do it, its just so hard.

finding people that understand that has been great, thankyou

wishing you well and safe

jane