Lost and Alone- Who to trust

Frog · Experienced Member

Lost and Alone- Who to trust

rob · Veteran Member

Hi Frog

I do hope you are not alone in dealing with your problem. You sounded if you were desperate. please use this forum to release the feelings that are inside you. We have been or still are in that place where your at this momment. Who do you trust? please trust us in this forum...it is safe here. talk about your feelings. share them with us. survivors here may be able to offer some help or comfort to you. You are not alone in this...

Try to keep in regular contact with this site. it will help you! If you are alone in this, seek help through your GP. IT is not the best way I admit but it is better than nothing at all.

Take good care of youself and remember, you are not alone in dealing with this.

Frog · Experienced Member

Hi Rob

Thankyou, for writting back, and your support, I do have a close friend who I talk to, and that helps a great deal. But I guess I am despreat I need the answers. I just don't know what to do. just so stucl so lost I want to remeber but I am so scared.

Frog

I am sorry my wriiting maybe all over the place I am just at a loss

ellie · Senior Member

Frog,

I really don't know how to help or what to say because i feel like you. The way you question your memories sounds so familiar but just so you know you are not alone.

I recently posted for the first time and found the comments i recieved supportive and caring, i find them difficult to read sometimes but it helps to come back and revisit. You cant always take everything in at first. It feels comforting to know that people are there and understand.

Take care.

Ellie

Frog · Experienced Member

Hi Ellie,

Thankyou so much for your reply, I have been reading abit tonight on the web site and also find it hard to carryon reading as although the memories aen't there as such the feelings the fear is all there so fresh to me. the support here is so nice I find it so good.

I am sorry you are having to go through the same thing, I know how awful and frustrating and painfull it can be.

I have been sitting here thinking of what else to write but I am at a loss I am sorry, I guess I just want to say I am here to. and although life seems not worth it sometimes it is! sometimes I feel I want to hide away from the world I look forward to the winter so I can hide in the rain and bad weather. I can hide away and wear black which I love, but I find it comforting. I loose myself in my own cocon an it's great. but over times, I wake up the sun is shinning I take a deep breath of the moring cool air and relaseae life is worth so much. it's as though the air has life and when I breath it gives me new life. I hope you can find the beuaty in life although it can frout with confusion.

I hope this all makes sense, if it does it will be a mirical.

Frog - take care

ellie · Senior Member

Frog,

Your last comment made me smile for the first time in days. Thank-you!

What you are writing makes perfect sense to me, it sounds like you are keeping yourself warm and secure and then are able to see the beauty of those new days. I like walking in bright winter days, wrapped up with the wind blowing in my face and then feel alive and ready to face almost anything.

I hope that you can get support from this site and your friend. I have and excellant therapist and without her and this site I dont know how i would have got through these last few months. My therapist read something somewhere about somebody facing a painful time in his life, he was out walking and noticed some geese on a lake. The wind was blowing fiercely but the geese were facing the wind and maintaining their position. They were doing just enought to maintain their position. At times like this i often think of this and think i have to do just enough to keep myself safe - dont lay down and give up and dont flog yourself silly. Just enough.

I'm going on now a bit, but please take care.

ellie.

Frog · Experienced Member

Ellie,

You are not going on at all, its a great story and I feel very true!

Last year I was at an all time low, I cut myself as a result, it helped at the time but i knew I had to be stronge to stop it, it took all my strenght, I sometimes still get the urge to do it but very really now. please please please don't do anything yourself like this. this person how inflected what they did on you were wrong NOT YOU! the pain is bad I know but we are not to blame. I often find myself slipping back into blaming myself even when I think I am not. Its an odd thing it's like it was programmed in, maybe it was maybe thats what they do. I don't know, but I do know it is very difficult to keep your position, holding on holding you life together when all you wanna do is give up. But life has many rewards. I still find it hard and am right know, I can't remeber who! And it's driving me insane, but I will I will survive this and so wil you, we survived it then, and although the scares are so raw we have all survived these many years! You replied to my post you gave me hope and compassion. You are brave keep facing that wind it will dye down, it may come back at times, but you get to know how to face it.

Take Care

Frog

ellie · Senior Member

Frog,

I think you are being increadibly brave and even though you are struggling with your feelings at the moment you can still find it in yourself to be supportive and caring (something your abuser was not!)

I think i understand why you cut yourself, i too have felt so low that one day i stood in the kitchen drying up a carving knife and it would have been a relief to use it compared to how i felt inside. I cant explaine it any more than that, I threw it in the drawer and slammed it shut. It scared the life out of me that i could feel like that. Your are showing great strenght and belief to keep yourself safe, keep it up. Do you journal? I find it helps, sometimes i avoid it because i cant cope with my thoughts or feelings but i normally end up feeling worse if i dont do it.

I know my abuser was my father and it must be frustrating beyond belief to not know who it was. Give yourself time and space because i think you will find the answers you are looking for.

ellie

Frog · Experienced Member

Ellie,

Thankyou, its good to have support and your words are so comforting.

Regards the cutting, it scared me too! but I feel it's natural in a way, I felt I did it cos i cud then see the pain, I cud then feel something, but it was a quick fix and very addictive.

It must be so hard for you also, to know it was your father, and I am sorry for you pain, i don't know what else to say, I find it still so hard to beleive that poeple would do this.

You to have great strength your words tonight have helped me a great deal and I want to thankyou for that, I hope you will feel better soon to.

I do write alot at the moment and find it helps so much to, just to get it out.

Take care be good to yourself treat yourself, I always go for retail therapy, a mug of hot chocolate at my favourite coffee bar and just spend time with ME! do something that makes you feel happy and safe howerever small it may seem, it helps.

Frog I love these smily faces there great!