Pen Pals for Survivors

HAVOCA · Trustee

Pen Pals for Survivors

hazel · Veteran Member

i think its a great idea but one that needs careful consideration. people are at different levels of healing so some will need more support than others. my concern would be that relationships could become a bit one sided.

id be really interested in being part of it though, if i felt it was safe for me

x

amanda · Experienced Member

I like the idea of pen pals but for someone like me it is difficult to imagine as I have real difficulties around trust.

If it was well organised and I could be sure it was only for survivors I would be very interested and I look forward to hearing more.

Thanks Jamie for inviting ideas before deciding on the way forward and also for looking out for our safety

Amanda

-- Edited by amanda at 18:53, 2004-09-05

michelle · Senior Member

I truly beleave a saviors penpal would benefit alot of people.A lot of victims of abuse are feeling all alone and feel know one understands.By being able to communicate with one another they can find some one who truly understands how they feel.As I read on the forms a lot of people say they are looking for a friend.So I beleave there is a great need for a saviors penpal.It is up to the own individual if he or she chooses to participate or not.This is a great web site and I feel this will just add to the help this site offers to so many people.It would be a great asset.

Thanks for caring Michelle :

feemarie · Senior Member

I think It's a wonderful idea. think it would be so useful for people to get in touch with each other and support each other. Knowing you arent alone really does help.

I have always thought I was sort of abnormal in certain feelings i have and personality traits but hearing others describe the same really helps, to be able to talk to someone in a similar situation, i think can only benefit.

it truly is good to share

fee

x

ouchzone · Experienced Member

I would welcome this. I think it would be helpful to match people up more specifically. I have viewed several posts which strike chords with me as regards my abuse experiences being emotional and by my female parent both of which criteria are very difficult to find help for and for the public in general to accept mothers abuse and that someone can have no physical bruises but deep emotional injuries and scars. I find this lack of belief and support very isolating. But I would only feel safe on a one to one basis if this matching was handled by HAVOCA in some formal way.

ouchzone

Sallyjack · Veteran Member

I think this is a good idea, as it is one that has helped me. I have had a penpal for about 15 months, we "met" in another forum. It wasn't planned, but found that we were answering each others posts, then through a change of circumstances we exchanged email addresses, and now write to each other regularly. I am very unlikely ever to meet her as we live on different continents, but our daily contact has been so helpful for me, and I guess for her as well, as we continue to write.

This is the way it works for us, and I acknowledge this would not be the same for everybody, but hopefully it will give ideas for others if this does take off.

We do know each others names because of the email address. but I use my friends user name. I think this helps with the family so that emails to that name are not opened by mistake, and my husband does not open the mail from her. This means that we can talk openly in the knowledge that our partners are protected from some stuff that we may not be ready to talk about with them.

We keep our own privacy, in that other family members are not named and although we each know the area the other lives in, it is all kept very general.

We talk about anything, and early on we were able to let each other know that we would not be offended by or critisize anything the other person said. The subjects we talk about are anything at all. Whether it is about the abuse, what we have done today, the state of the world, jokes, anecdotes, anything. Sometimes it is good just to talk, without it having to have a purpose.

We are at different stages in our healing, but that does not seem to make a difference. Our life experiences are roughly similar, even though the abuse experiences may not be, she can remember her abuse, and I know I have blanked out most of mine.

Even though I am in therapy, having an independant person to write to helps. It is useful to try to organize my thoughts sometimes, and get a reaction to them, other than from a professional who is being paid to "say the right things". It is like having a second opinion.

I may have missed an important point, but I hope my experience helps.

HAVOCA · Trustee

Hi everyone,

Just to let you all know the pen pal system has been launched on a trial basis. Read about it and visit the link you'll find in the 'Announcement' section of this forum.

Thanks. Feedback still gratefully accepted.

Jamie

amanda · Experienced Member

Please don't leave me as the only person registering I took the plunge and started it off hoping others would follow now I feel awkward

Amanda

rob · Veteran Member

Hi

Just a quick thought...

Havoca, could you possibly say the ratio of female to male using this site?

This is not a sexist question. I see us all as survivors! It is just that I think direct contact on some issues could be advantageous but, in some ways devisive. I would not like to think that the site in general would suffer . The wider the spectrum of users, the wider the support.

HAVOCA · Trustee

Hi Rob,

From the questionnaire we have running the stats say: 60women:40men.

From the emails I get I'd hazard a guess and say 50:50.

Who knows how many read the site but never contribute?

Hope this helps,

Jamie

rob · Veteran Member

Thanks Jamie for a quick reply! I was quite amazed to find out that those were the ratios. I thought it would be 5F1M possibly. I would think the pen pal idea would work in this scenario. Please users do not form only groups within a group but continue to support the main website and new survivors We all need this range of support.